How often do you think about your birth experience?

[daisyjgrey]

Regardless of whether it was good or bad, how often do you think about or relive portions (or all) of our birth experiences?

I ask because I'm stuck in a bit of limbo regarding some mental health issues and I've realised that I think about at least a snippet of it, usually more, at least once a day, and my child is ten.

I was hoping to get some other answers for some context.

Hardly ever really. Dd is 8.

Son is nearly 9. Only think about it once every couple of months. Mainly if we hear the song that was on the radio in the theatre when he was born.

Hardy ever. My son is 23 months and I had a straightforward and very positive birth experience. I suspect you would benefit from some counselling

Only if there's something that reminds me of it. Reading something about birth or sometimes if I drive past the hospital!

I'm sorry you're still thinking about it 10 years on

I only think about it if others are pregnant and talking about expecting a baby, or have recently had one and talking about labour. My eldest is 6 and for the first couple of years I thought about that labour a lot. I had quite intrusive thoughts about it at night. Luckily that stopped after I had a very nice elcs for DD2.

I think if you have a positive birth experience it's normal to hardly ever think about it.

Traumatic births are a different kettle of fish and very often people need help with processing the experience and moving on.

I think about mine very often, probably at least once a day. If I am stressed or worried I play the whole thing start to finish out in my mind and it makes me feel better. I had never stopped to think about it but it's pretty strange that I do that, really. I have two dc, 1yo and 3yo

I think about the second one more (in a negative way) and feel bad for my son that I can't see it how the same way as I did my first. I think about it a few times a month I guess. He's nearly four.

My DTs are 3, and I don’t really think about it at all. Dh and I discuss it on their birthday and maybe mother’s or Father’s Day, but not too in depth and gloss over a lot of the traumatic bits.

When I was drowning in pnd I was obsessed with how I’d failed in giving birth (elcs due to severe pe) and thought about it constantly and had a lot of questions about it as a lot was a blur.

Sat here writing this out has made me wonder why I can’t remember all of it and what was going on with me though!

Really interesting question! I do maybe every few weeks (at a guess), for no obvious reason I can think of. Actually, I'm pretty sure period pains trigger memories of it. Mine wasn't especially traumatic, just exhausting and bloody painful, so probably pretty normal.

Thanks for all your speedy replies!

Yes I think I'm coming to the realisation I probably have PTSD that was kick started by my pregnancy and the birth. There are things that weren't related that happened in the few years straight afterwards that I think have just exacerbated it. I've done a sterling job of repressing everything and pretending it's not there/ignoring it as best I can when it pops up but some health issues recently have meant it's become too big for whichever small pocket of brain I squished it into to contain it for much longer.

Trouble is, when your trauma is medically focussed and you have a deep mistrust of HCP's, it makes it considerably more difficult to address it...

Usually very briefly and just on my DS's birthday (he was 20 last week ) ... a sort of 'remember this time X years ago' conversation with my DH). I had an EMCS which personally I was delighted with ... but I would never have had a second DC!

@MuchTooTired

I am the opposite; I imagine there were good bits, but I can only remember the bits that have caused an issue.

I find births and birth stories quite difficult because it's a standard genre of conversation for a lot of mums and a lot of comparisons happen. Mine would be a desirable birth to some whereas things happened to me that I can't move past. There's also a heavy emphasis on "well your baby is healthy so focus on that".

Oh yes, and I completely identify with your last line. My first child’s birth was traumatic and absolutely consolidated a lot of issues I had around previous trauma and health-related stuff. I received some help with it but it all flared up again when pregnant with DC2.

I had a very peaceful ELCS for that birth (and an amazing midwife) and it helped hugely - I’d say I think about DC2’s birth maybe a few times a week now, just over a year on, and DC1’s birth less than weekly. Until he was about three, it would have been multiple times daily. His 5th birthday was the first where I genuinely don’t think I stopped to think about his birth in minute detail.

Unfortunately I still have huge hang-ups about almost any aspect of medical care. If anyone has a solution to that, I would love to hear it!

A couple of times a week, quite fondly too. On paper it looks bad, induction took 4 days, first epidural failed, second worked partially, I didn't progress at all in the last 7 hours and it ended in EMCS because my babies heartbeat started doing funny stuff and after birth she was admitted to NICU BUT it was the best day of my life. I wasn't in agony for most of it, the EMCS actually went quite peacefully and seeing my baby was such a monumental and lovely moment. I think that part of what made it a good day instead of traumatic was the staff. I felt very safe and well-cared for by competent, calm people who reassured me, listened to me and took no chances with our health. I had a good time.

Afterwards though is a different story... the next day I encountered a bitch with an overinflated ego who I had to beg for pain relief (that the doctor told I should have) and if she would have been present at the birth it probably wouldn't have felt like a positive experience.

Quite often. I believe that I was neglected during DS's birth which led to surgical intervention. One of the reasons I decided against a second child.

On my children’s birthdays or when motherhoods is mentioned. Sometimes, when a hospital or death is mentioned.

I have at times thought about births when drugs are mentioned. After all, birth is when strong drugs are offered.

It sounds like you had a hard time and maybe it would be helpful to speak to someone. Possibly a specialist organisation like the Birth Trauma Association?

I thought about my son’s birth daily for several years - I think in hindsight I could have done with some help processing it. He’s nearly 6 now and I think about it much less often.

Quite often actually, but always in a positive way as I was lucky enough to have three good births. I suppose it's odd how often I think about it as my children are in their 20s now.

18yo - almost never.
15yo - on his birthday, and when the subject comes up (he was a VERY quick birth)

@MyCatHatesOtherCats

To be honest, the fact that it's having an impact on decisions I have to make about medical things is the only reason I'm even thinking about addressing it. I can live with constantly replaying it and being internally angry at some of the things that happened etc, but it's getting to the point that I'm struggling to even talk to HCP's, let alone allow anyone to touch me. I had to have an echo at the end of last year and it took weeks to bring myself to do it, I had to take my partner, specify I'd only do it if it was a woman performing it and I still cried when I had to take my top off and then silently sobbed through the whole thing even though she was lovely and gentle and actually only touched me very very briefly twice. I was completely exhausted afterwards and despite me thinking "if I can do it this time, I can do it again or I can do x, y or z", that turned out to be utter nonsense and I don't want to have to do anything medical ever again. It's almost as if every time I have to go to a hospital, the wall gets a bit higher.

I am a reasonable, logical person, I'm not depressed and I function day to day just fine, so I generally feel a bit ridiculous!

@Waxonwaxoff0

Yes I stuck to one. Some have said their second birth was healing or helped them process the first but I couldn't risk it, nor could I contemplate having to deal with the medical side of pregnancy and birth again.

A fair bit, but not as much as I used to.
DD is 6.
She was an EMC at 31 weeks, I was under general.
I don’t know if she cried after her birth, no one ever said. I doubt it though, but that haunts me.

16 months. Used to be quite a lot, sometimes daily (and I was upset about it around a year). I ended up sitting down and writing my story. Most cathartic thing I've done and made me sob. Feel so much better now. This might be a good start op? I barely think of it now ans when I do, it's not as bad.

@BellamyBells

That's a good approach. I did do that years ago but maybe doing it again might be helpful. I also went for a birth debrief a couple of years ago but in hindsight I booked it as a knee jerk reaction to all of this stuff being realised during a conversation with my fiancé about smear tests and my avoidance of them. I don't think I was ready for the debrief and although the midwife who did it for me was helpful and apologised for the things that happened that upset me it didn't really make a difference. I didn't need or want an apology, although I still don't think I know what I need!