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Original poster

Anyone else find Mother's Day cards uncomfortable to read?

114 replies

ContessaDiPulpo · 08/03/2021 10:53

By that I mean the cards that pop up as adverts, not the ones I actually receive from my darling DC!

All these cards saying things like 'You're the best mum', 'You always have my back', 'You look after me and I love you for it' etc. I find myself reading them and becoming slightly sad at just how few of them would have applied to my own maternal situation. My DM died several years ago so this is admittedly somewhat of an academic problem, but I still find myself revisiting it every year.... I always end up thinking of that phrase from Philip Larkin, the one about the effort to find 'Words at once true and kind, Or not untrue and not unkind.'

Just posting for solidarity really!

OP posts:
SomeRandomerOnBumsnet · 09/03/2021 14:03

Yes, always have to look for the plainest card. None of this, ‘Thanks for all you do for me” nonsense Sad

Original poster
ContessaDiPulpo · 09/03/2021 14:54

For those who do still buy cards for their mothers, this might be useful; I discovered very late on that my mother was disproportionately pleased by a large card (not gushy or false, just large). Admittedly it was her birthday rather than Mother's Day when I discovered this, but I do remember thinking 'Bollocks, I wish I'd known that earlier - max impact, minimum effort'. Might work on others too, who knows.

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 09/03/2021 16:07

I sympathise. I'm about as sure as anyone can be that I will only feel relief when my Mum finally scuffles off this mortal coil.

I settle for a card which says "I hope you get the day you deserve" which for her would be a post-apocalyptic hell Grin

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
FAQs · 09/03/2021 19:24

@MrsBobDylan I need to find one which says that!

SunshineCake · 09/03/2021 19:27

I struggle every single year with Mothers Day as mine abandoned me for a bloke. Every year I get upset, partly as one of my children usually does fuck all but last year dh got cross and said I ruin it. This year we are going all out. By that I'm not cooking and I've suggested a couple of small gifts, under £16 all in. I haven't read a card in years as I can't face if. I get jealous of those who have mums and I'm ashamed of that.

SunshineCake · 09/03/2021 19:29

@Schoolchoicesucks

Yes, my mother died years ago but buying a card for my step-mum from my kids and it's all "world's number 1 grandma". When she's not. Fortunately found one that just said "Happy Mothers' Day".

Had a similar feeling trying to find a fathers' day card a few years back. Card companies - take note - we need some more neutral ones!

Or make your own card ?
FAQs · 09/03/2021 19:30

I did just find this one 😁 www.thortful.com/card/6032dc895955480001eb488f

WindyPudding · 09/03/2021 19:41

FAQs :o I just had a much-needed LOL at that!

AnyFucker · 09/03/2021 19:46

I have yet to find any Mother’s Day card that speaks my truth :
Mum, you put an abusive man before your children all through their lives. But now I feel a bit sorry for you

Nor any Fathers Day cards:
Fuck you

I’ll keep looking. Until then, I choose a plain card and think to myself that COVID has improved my life in 2 ways at least.

AIMD · 09/03/2021 19:47

I agree. I struggle and usually but my mum a plain card with no worrying for this reason

WindyPudding · 09/03/2021 19:52

AnyFucker I love it! Inspired to do mine:

Mum:
Happy negative, critical, abuse-abetting, misogynist handmaiden's day!

Dad:
Good riddance you monster!

Eleventhgreenbottle · 09/03/2021 19:55

I think 'I hope you have the mother's day you deserve' would sell well.

I used to find it easy to find a generic 'Happy Mother's Day' card, but this year I couldn't find a non gushy one in Tesco so I got a blank card with a flowery picture which she'll like.
I just can't be hypocritical.

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 09/03/2021 19:58

I stopped buying a mothers day card when I was 17, a year after my mother left my dad. I had discovered that every gift I had bought her over the years was left behind. The 1st year, I got her a plant and she killed it. From then on it was cut flowers and nothing else.
When she left my dad for another woman, she forgot about me, so I felt she was no longer the mother I knew.

VanGoghsDog · 09/03/2021 20:22

I think quite a few of us must be long lost sisters!

I also had an abusive father and a self-serving narcissistic mother.
Dad died last year - to be honest, things were OK between us the last few years, but my mother is still totally self centred and I'm the only offspring who helps her out. And she loves to moan about my dad which is so fucking hypocritical because she ignored me when I complained about the things he did to me and now she wants to make me her ally.

LoveFall · 09/03/2021 20:42

I had a little wallet sized insert my Mom sent me in a birthday card. I know that's not Mother's Day but it was a lovely poem about daughters. Mum died in 2013 and I treasured that card.

I lost or had my wallet stolen in London. The card was in there. Long trashed for sure.

I'm not meaning to say you are lucky you are a Mum or have one. Just sometimes those sentiments mean more than other times.

VanGoghsDog · 09/03/2021 20:58

@LoveFall

I had a little wallet sized insert my Mom sent me in a birthday card. I know that's not Mother's Day but it was a lovely poem about daughters. Mum died in 2013 and I treasured that card.

I lost or had my wallet stolen in London. The card was in there. Long trashed for sure.

I'm not meaning to say you are lucky you are a Mum or have one. Just sometimes those sentiments mean more than other times.

You clearly didn't read the thread.
Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 09/03/2021 22:49

@LoveFall

I had a little wallet sized insert my Mom sent me in a birthday card. I know that's not Mother's Day but it was a lovely poem about daughters. Mum died in 2013 and I treasured that card.

I lost or had my wallet stolen in London. The card was in there. Long trashed for sure.

I'm not meaning to say you are lucky you are a Mum or have one. Just sometimes those sentiments mean more than other times.

You have not read the room.
Original poster
ContessaDiPulpo · 10/03/2021 08:48

@LoveFall

I had a little wallet sized insert my Mom sent me in a birthday card. I know that's not Mother's Day but it was a lovely poem about daughters. Mum died in 2013 and I treasured that card.

I lost or had my wallet stolen in London. The card was in there. Long trashed for sure.

I'm not meaning to say you are lucky you are a Mum or have one. Just sometimes those sentiments mean more than other times.

Hi LoveFall, it sounds like you had a lovely relationship with your mum. Unfortunately the majority of those on this thread didn't, so might respond to your anecdote with a certain... mixture of emotions, shall we say.

I do agree with what I think your broader point was; that sentimental offerings don't just come on set days but can be at any time, and can be given by parent to child as well as from child to parent.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 10/03/2021 08:57

Even when I still had a DM, I hardly ever bought ‘official’ Mother’s Day cards - I found most of them so cringe-makingly twee or sickly sweet. Not to mention too pink!!

I would just find a really nice blank card - often a photo of flowers or a lovely garden, and write what I wanted inside.

Sweetener12 · 10/03/2021 09:37

I'm also looking for something that just says Happy Mother's Day, or skip the card thing at all and make a Smartshow 3d video for my mom instead. All these cards look cheesy and I wonder if there are really those who can relate to these inscriptions. I mean real people, not some Disney characters' parents, you know.

NineOClockOnASaturday · 10/03/2021 09:55

So much I relate to here, alas. I’ve always cringed at gushy, sickly sweet poems in cards, so go for blank cards with my own brief message.

Solidarity!

PaperMonster · 10/03/2021 10:07

I always choose a card that is not sentimental. My mum isn’t that type of person. Never had an open or touchy feely kind of relationship with her. Exact opposite of how me and my daughter are - probably as a result of how my mum is!

mrsrhodgilbert · 10/03/2021 10:13

I also stood in Smiths last week looking over the hundreds of gushing cards, searching for something plain. I haven’t seen my parents for 7 years or spoken to them for two. They now ignore their adult grandchildren too. I occasionally feel guilty then I remember the very many horrible events growing up and continuing into married life. It’s was all so unnecessary. I’ll send the card, I probably won’t get a birthday card back in a couple of weeks. That will upset me more than I want it to

BogRollBOGOF · 10/03/2021 10:35

It was mothers day cards that drove me into making my own cards. My maternal relationships are... complicated, and the 95% of superlative mothers day cards do not hit the spot. Neither is my actual mother a pink, flowery kind of person and the narrow range of cliché themes on cards is another issue; most of the men in my life don't fit beer drinking/ cars/ rude jokes/ football stereotypes either

I found it easier to show the level of care that I do have into making a card than to send a load of sacherine lies, because I do care and my relationship is not as toxic as some that have been experienced, but " thanks for all that you do" could only be sincere if expressed as sarcasm.

Since having childrem I have generally slipped on the card making/ buying/ posting habit anyway.

Eleventhgreenbottle · 10/03/2021 13:45

Making your own cards sounds a very good idea actually. I'm tempted to have a go. Thanks for the inspiration BOGOFF