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Original poster

Anyone else have no friends?

91 replies

user690865 · 07/03/2021 21:47

I know this probably sounds pathetic but I have no friends. No one to phone, no one to make plans with for after lockdown.
I feel so lonely and sad 😞

OP posts:
JeanClaudeVanDammit · 22/03/2021 17:00

Yep. I’m 37, I don’t know how to make new friends any more and I feel like I’ve drifted away from all my existing ones. I’m crap at keeping in touch but none have made the effort with me either so I don’t know where it goes from here.

Tiredofthisxyz · 22/03/2021 17:26

I worry for people who are content not to cultivate friendships because they have enough from their DH and DC. What happens when they’re gone for whatever reason?

This has dawned on me. When lockdown eases I plan to join a couple of groups to try and meet like minded people. I think having a hobby/interest might help. I have only just worked out what I like doing (mid forties)...now I've sorted that, I've got to join some groups/volunteer (not easy because I can get quite anxious) but it is a way forward I hope. In the past I have put everything into relationship and family, I think because I found making/finding friends difficult if I am honest, it is easier to wrap myself up with family rather than venture outside of my comfort zone.

I don't easy trust and that is another issue but it is finding people who you feel safe to do this with. The school run has led me to meet one friend but other than that unless you can find someone you have things in common with, it is tricky to make friends there in my experience.

I have one really good friend and now that I have, it has helped me to see what I'm looking for and what I can offer as a friend. With this friend it takes little effort.

TheVampiresWife · 22/03/2021 17:26

I'm 48 and have no friends at all. The only people I have had a conversation with for years are DH and DD, other than smalltalk with shop or medical staff. We have no other family and I don't work (was a SAHM then diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and other health stuff so haven't worked for 20 years). DH has no friends either. It's literally just us. I'm so, so lonely but I've accepted that this is how it is and it's not going to change. I'm lucky to have DD and DH and I know others have absolutely nobody, but I so miss having female friends or someone to talk that isn't family, if you see what I mean.

Themadcatparade · 22/03/2021 17:30

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from threads like this it’s that it’s extremely common for people to lose touch with friends as you get older and it’s an ‘it’s not just me then’ situation

Themadcatparade · 22/03/2021 17:31

@May17th cheers to a fellow west-yorkshirer GrinWine

Bananas34374 · 22/03/2021 17:36

Shehasadiamondinthesky

Your post is exactly what I needed to read - that it is possible to make friends but that you have to make it happen. Now that I've finally realised I have a few interests/hobbies, I'm hoping it will make it easier for me.

I live in the west country too.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 22/03/2021 17:38

I lost quite a few friends when I got divorced. They didn't 'side' with XH, they just don't speak to either of us because they didn't know what to say, apparently Hmm. I've been burned a few times as well, so I keep people at arm's length now. Still nice to go out for a coffee with someone who isn't DH or DM though!

alpenguin · 22/03/2021 17:49

I have no real friends. I have a few virtual ones dotted about the world I’ve had for decades so I am somewhat likeable but no one I can go for a coffee with. I know lots of people but we don’t really click in a let’s hang out kind of way. I don’t drink alcohol and where I am that puts a lot of people off asking me out with them. I didn’t meet anyone at baby groups either, or evening classes or uni.

I also think it’s going to be harder to meet new
Folk post lockdown as people will struggle to talk about what they’ve been up to in the past year or so.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 22/03/2021 18:07

I'm similar OP. It's tough. If you want friends after lockdown, join clubs and hobbies that you enjoy. Meetup is great. Hiking groups on there are brilliant. Choirs are very sociable. Try not to feel down OP, lots of people are the same.

GoLightlyontheEarth · 22/03/2021 18:13

@TheVampiresWife

I'm 48 and have no friends at all. The only people I have had a conversation with for years are DH and DD, other than smalltalk with shop or medical staff. We have no other family and I don't work (was a SAHM then diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and other health stuff so haven't worked for 20 years). DH has no friends either. It's literally just us. I'm so, so lonely but I've accepted that this is how it is and it's not going to change. I'm lucky to have DD and DH and I know others have absolutely nobody, but I so miss having female friends or someone to talk that isn't family, if you see what I mean.
What have you done to try and make friends? Because if you don’t put yourself out there and try, you won’t have any. It’s never too late.
May17th · 22/03/2021 18:26

@Themadcatparade Wine cheers to you too!

Mumof1andabit · 22/03/2021 18:28

Yep!
DH has loads and loads of friends and he can’t wait for lockdown to be over. I find myself quite bitter that he has friends to miss Sad
I have nobody to make plans with after lockdown

TheVampiresWife · 22/03/2021 18:33

@GoLightlyontheEarth unfortunately I have absolutely no self confidence and find it really difficult to talk to people. It's got worse the longer I've been isolated, for want of a better word. Even after quick chats with people in shops or whatever I spend hours analysing what I've said in case I've said something daft or embarrassing which I often do, because I stumble over my words. I can't describe it, it's like shyness but worse. The idea of putting myself out there terrifies me. I know the problem is with me but I don't know what to do to change it.

GoLightlyontheEarth · 22/03/2021 18:43

I think that happens to a lot of people over time and it’s completely understandable. Have you thought about having some hypnotherapy? It could really help you with confidence. Basically working on your self esteem and seeing situations going well can be so helpful. Have a look at hyonitherapists in your area , but make sure they are well qualified and experienced.
Maybe joining a club for an interest would help to because the focus isn’t too much on you and social interaction, but on learning a new skill. A few laughs along the way would help you feel more confident, and you can talk about what you’re doing.

Salome61 · 22/03/2021 19:03

I'm 63 and moved to Northumberland from Twickenham twenty years ago. I've never made a 'good friend' here - I thought I had, but as soon as her grandson arrived she became very flaky and I've given up on her.
I still have my two best friends in London from my teenage years, and as soon as lockdown is over, I'll be going down to see them and will definitely be going more often (they think it's a bit dull here!).

Yummycakeandcoffee · 21/08/2021 20:53

Aw I feel like this aswell. It is horrible. Ive joined lil sessions now and again and nothing comes from it. I feel like there is something wrong with me. Which then crushes my self esteem even more. Your not alone. We all need a big group chat! I hate the thought of others feeling like I do im 34 and my friends have moved away made new lifes and I message but it is different or always feels abit one sided and it makes me fed up. I suffer with my confidence and I know this wont help. Id love a natter on the phone, cinema night. I really miss this. I just dont know where I go wrong. Sending hugs your not alone xx

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