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Original poster

Need help, DH having MH episode

70 replies

NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 08:51

NC for this. I'm at my wit's end and have nobody to talk to IRL and not sure where to turn. Hoping someone can offer some advice. DH would be so upset if he knew I was posting this and I wouldn't if I wasn't desperate.

He's had MH issues before and been treated for (among other things) anorexia, depression, OCD and he's been prescribed CBT, anti psychotics, anti depressants etc. However nothing ever really helps and he gives up after a few months. In the past few weeks he's been getting worse and worse. He's convinced he's done things he hasn't and isn't sure what's real or not, in that he doesn't know whether he's done certain things or not. Some things are quite mundane (like not being sure if he went somewhere on a certain day) but others are very scary (he won't tell me what they are but I know when he's been like this in the past he's convinced he's murdered someone and hidden the body). He's constantly talking to himself, going over things he's convinced he's done. He has to check his internet history for ages every evening to make sure he hasn't been on any sites he doesn't remember (he does this all the time though, not just at the moment, but it's worse right now). He also has a notebook he writes this stuff in but I don't know exactly what he writes because he won't let me see it which is fair enough.

As I say he's had periods like this before and they've passed but this is much worse. Last night he told me how scared he is. I'm doing my best but he gets angry really easily and I'm a bit scared for me too which I absolutely hate to admit. I'm sure he wouldn't hurt me but he gets very angry and my own MH is really suffering trying to cope with it all. He won't tell me outright if he's thinking of harming himself but he has said that he needs the thoughts to stop and the implication is definitely there.

If he hears me and DD talking about it he gets angry and says we're ganging up on him and being horrible but we live in a tiny flat and she can hear and see everything. For example last night I was out of the room and he was talking to himself, he overhead her telling me and he got very angry and said it was none of our business and not to talk about him, and it's private. But we're honestly not doing it to be nasty, he just can't see that - he really thinks we're being horrible about him. And DD was just telling me what she saw, which he wasn't trying to conceal.

Anyway it's definitely all come to a head in the last few days and I'm in a bit of a state too, which I can't let him see because he gets angry and/or upset if I cry or seem upset myself. I've tried really hard and read as much stuff as I can about supporting somone going through this, talking to him etc but now he's just saying he's never going to talk to me again about it. I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense but I'm all over the place.

What can I do next? Is there a number I can call? He tried talking to the GP but he was just given anti depressants and told to call back in six weeks (this was months ago when this first started to be a problem). He won't call them back and as I said, he has no confidence in them being able to help him anyway. I genuinely think he needs help immediately but I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry this is so long and a bit incoherent. But I feel that if I don't talk about it soon I'm going to end up in a mess myself and I need to stay strong for him. Also if there's anyone who's been through similar or who knows where I can get help, please can you offer some advice?

Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 08:53

I should say that DD is 24 so not a child, I don't want anyone thinking she's ten or something and being caught up in this. When she was little we did keep DH's MH issues away from her, not that they were ever as bad as this then.

OP posts:
guiltynetter · 07/03/2021 09:02

I really hope somebody can help you with this because it sounds such an awful situation. I'm guessing there is no way he would go to A&E? Can you call his GP on Monday and ask for advice? Sorry I don't have any experience I'm bumping this for you
X

user1471462115 · 07/03/2021 09:06

Look up Mental Health Crisis Team in your area and call them and talk to them
He sounds very very ill to me

mediumduboir · 07/03/2021 09:07

Everything he has been prescribed does he take everyday?

Original poster
NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 09:10

@guiltynetter thank you Flowers I considered a&e last night but DH wouldn't hear of it and I'm not sure what they could do or if it was appropriate. Plus there's covid to think of and not wanting to burden them if they can't help. I found an MH crisis number but he wouldn't call it. I think what I need to know is if there's anything I can do or anyone I can call because he won't call himself. I don't even know if the GP would talk to me because of confidentiality. I really don't know where to turn.

OP posts:
Chocolateteabag · 07/03/2021 09:10

You need to speak to a GP so call 111 or see if your GP has an out of hours line. Or Mental Health team if you have one

It does sound like your DH needs help urgently.

My Dad had to be sectioned several times when his Bipolar disorder wasn't being managed properly. Sometimes he just needed a rest from himself, which the drugs they can give him in hospital did

Sounds like this may a bit like be what your DH is going through

It can be got through - just bloody scary when you are in the middle of it

Rainbowqueeen · 07/03/2021 09:10

Second the mental health crisis team.

If it would make you feel better can you go outside to do it so he can’t hear. Say you are going to the shops to get something.
Handholding, it sounds very distressing for everyone

Stormwhale · 07/03/2021 09:11

Most crisis teams will not let you self refer. It will say on the phone that it is only for clients already being treated. The way to get him referred is through the gp or hospital. I would go for a walk and call 111. They may say he needs to go to a&e. If he won't the only option is for him to be sectioned which will involve the police. Honestly it sounds like he is becoming a danger to you and your child. I think it has come to a point where he needs intervention whether he wants it or not.

Chocolateteabag · 07/03/2021 09:11

You can call the GP or Mental Health team yourself - just do it
Start the balling rolling and don't let anyone fob you off

bringmelaughter · 07/03/2021 09:13

Please call the crisis team. You can call them for advice, it doesn’t need to be your DH. You can look up crisis team in your city/area to find the number.

Original poster
NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 09:14

@user1471462115 will they talk to me about him do you think? He won't talk to them himself.

@mediumduboir when he's on them he does but in the past he hasn't stuck with any meds for longer than a few months. Talking therapies have absolutely no effect on him at all.

OP posts:
Chocolateteabag · 07/03/2021 09:14

You can do this, even if you end up having to get him sectioned, it will be the right thing to do.

uhtredsonofuhtred1 · 07/03/2021 09:14

You might be able to call the mental health crisis team yourself to get them to come out to him. If not then I would call an ambulance if he won't go to hospital himself. If the paramedics come out and see he is in crisis they will call the appropriate people.

lonelySam · 07/03/2021 09:15

Your DH needs help, this doesn't sound to me like a MH issue, much more like a MH crisis. It seems to me like he has extremely high anxiety at the moment and it can do all sorts of things to his brain (including psychosis). I'd call the MH crisis team today as you won't be able to go through this without their help and he won't be able to just 'shake it off'.

Vallmo47 · 07/03/2021 09:16

Please look up and phone the Crisis team in your local area. I’ve phoned up when worried about a friend previously and my partner had to for me in past as well. Don’t feel bad for looking out for him. I was in an awful state when my partner finally sought help (he was worried about how I’d react) and it prolonged my illness. Just get help - it’s the right thing to do.
I understand it’s harder due to covid but you have to be very insistent and say you’re worried he’s going to harm you, that he’s just not himself at all.

Please, please get this done ASAP. He needs help, he can’t keep stopping medication. I was on strong
Medication for three YEARS. The help is available, but sometimes you’re unable to speak for yourself. My partner saved my life by phoning.

Original poster
NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 09:17

I'm so grateful to you all. It's such s relief to talk about it.

He will definitely see me calling the crisis team as a betrayal and he won't forgive me I don't think. But I do really believe he needs help urgently and as much as I don't want to face it I think some time away being taken care of properly is what he needs. I'm not equipped to look after him.

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 07/03/2021 09:21

Get your daughter away from the situation so she doesn't see it all.

TokyoSushi · 07/03/2021 09:22

Oh OP this sounds awful. Perhaps start with the mental health crisis team, I'm sure that if you call them, even if they won't discuss him with you then hopefully they'll at least signpost you to what to do. It really sounds like something needs to be done today, if he won't engage then I think you have to take matters into your own hands.

Sending unmumsnetty hugs, hope you're ok Flowers

BunnyRuddington · 07/03/2021 09:23

Don't worry about confidentiality in this situation. When myDH was very depressed and wouldn't speak to the GP I called them and they were really kind and helpful and dealt with it in a way that meant that DH never knew that I'd made the call.

From the sounds of things your DH is too poorly to make any kind of call.

IstandwithJackieWeaver · 07/03/2021 09:23

This sounds horrendous for you OP. Does he recognise there is something wrong at all?

anamazingfind · 07/03/2021 09:23

I think sometimes you just have to accept you can't save someone without them helping themselves. I think if he doesn't seek help soon, it may be time to walk away. People living like you forget they too have a life and they have a right to peace of mind, not be tortured with someone else's demons.

Original poster
NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 09:26

@IstandwithJackieWeaver he does, but he thinks that his behaviour is reasonable. It's hard to explain but while he knows he's having what he calls intrusive thoughts, he believes that talking to himself, writing notes, checking his internet history etc is a rational and reasonable way to cope with them. If anyone suggests otherwise he gets angry.

OP posts:
Icloud54 · 07/03/2021 09:27

He will probably thank you when he is receiving treatment and is no longer having these thoughts.

Ring 111 for advice or google the mental health crisis team for your area. Tell them everything.

Original poster
NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 09:28

@Stormwhale she's 24 though I do agree it's traumatic for her to see her dad like this. She has bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, both well managed, but it's not good for her to watch this happening. I often have to support her too when she's having a rough time.

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 07/03/2021 09:30

Is he safe if you leave the house? I would tell him you and DD are going shopping.

Phone the crisis team when you are down the road and wait outdoors (But out of his sight) until they arrive. Tell the crisis team where you are so you can talk to them away from the home.

Maybe ask your DD to go out for the day.