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Original poster

Need help, DH having MH episode

70 replies

NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 08:51

NC for this. I'm at my wit's end and have nobody to talk to IRL and not sure where to turn. Hoping someone can offer some advice. DH would be so upset if he knew I was posting this and I wouldn't if I wasn't desperate.

He's had MH issues before and been treated for (among other things) anorexia, depression, OCD and he's been prescribed CBT, anti psychotics, anti depressants etc. However nothing ever really helps and he gives up after a few months. In the past few weeks he's been getting worse and worse. He's convinced he's done things he hasn't and isn't sure what's real or not, in that he doesn't know whether he's done certain things or not. Some things are quite mundane (like not being sure if he went somewhere on a certain day) but others are very scary (he won't tell me what they are but I know when he's been like this in the past he's convinced he's murdered someone and hidden the body). He's constantly talking to himself, going over things he's convinced he's done. He has to check his internet history for ages every evening to make sure he hasn't been on any sites he doesn't remember (he does this all the time though, not just at the moment, but it's worse right now). He also has a notebook he writes this stuff in but I don't know exactly what he writes because he won't let me see it which is fair enough.

As I say he's had periods like this before and they've passed but this is much worse. Last night he told me how scared he is. I'm doing my best but he gets angry really easily and I'm a bit scared for me too which I absolutely hate to admit. I'm sure he wouldn't hurt me but he gets very angry and my own MH is really suffering trying to cope with it all. He won't tell me outright if he's thinking of harming himself but he has said that he needs the thoughts to stop and the implication is definitely there.

If he hears me and DD talking about it he gets angry and says we're ganging up on him and being horrible but we live in a tiny flat and she can hear and see everything. For example last night I was out of the room and he was talking to himself, he overhead her telling me and he got very angry and said it was none of our business and not to talk about him, and it's private. But we're honestly not doing it to be nasty, he just can't see that - he really thinks we're being horrible about him. And DD was just telling me what she saw, which he wasn't trying to conceal.

Anyway it's definitely all come to a head in the last few days and I'm in a bit of a state too, which I can't let him see because he gets angry and/or upset if I cry or seem upset myself. I've tried really hard and read as much stuff as I can about supporting somone going through this, talking to him etc but now he's just saying he's never going to talk to me again about it. I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense but I'm all over the place.

What can I do next? Is there a number I can call? He tried talking to the GP but he was just given anti depressants and told to call back in six weeks (this was months ago when this first started to be a problem). He won't call them back and as I said, he has no confidence in them being able to help him anyway. I genuinely think he needs help immediately but I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry this is so long and a bit incoherent. But I feel that if I don't talk about it soon I'm going to end up in a mess myself and I need to stay strong for him. Also if there's anyone who's been through similar or who knows where I can get help, please can you offer some advice?

Thank you

OP posts:

mummywantstobeslim · 07/03/2021 11:07

Please let us know how it goes. Good luck

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 07/03/2021 11:12

It doesn't sound as if he is making the effort to manage this properly. You cannot live with someone who isn't proactive about their mental health and just "gives up".
I have complex PTSD and my medication is crucial because i work and can't just start having hallucinations because I haven't bothered to take my medication.
I'd have no friends if I didn't manage it.
YOU are not responsible for fixing him, it's his responsibility and he needs to know that.

Original poster

NotMyReaIName · 07/03/2021 11:15

Thank you all so much for the advice and just for listening really. I feel a little bit less at sixes and sevens and a bit more focused after reading your posts (for now anyway).

I've just tried 111 online and they asked me to book a callback from a nurse, which isn't ideal as they obviously can't give a time and I can take that call in the house. If I dash out when the phone rings he'll know something's up.

Two things I want to add - he's been talking about hearing voices and seeing faces but he doesn't know who they belong to. I should have mentioned this before but I was all over the place when I posted this morning. It's another reason why I think things have escalated in the last week or so. Honestly I didn't meant to drop feed, I just was all over the place when I was typing my first post.

Also he's very good at concealing what's happening. In the past when he's had similar (but nowhere near as bad) episodes and he's gone to the GP he's been diagnosed with low mood and put on antidepressants. He minimises it, I think because he views MH issues as weakness of some sort. And like I said he's very private. I'm worried that if we do access help for him he'll do the same again, when this time it really is crisis point and he needs help desperately.

I've already had a look at some of the links you've all posted and bookmarked them, I will look at all of them later. DH is getting up now (I can hear him moving about in the bathroom) so I'm going to see how things look today.

Will post later. Thank you all so much.

OP posts:

mummywantstobeslim · 07/03/2021 11:43

@NotMyReaIName

Thank you all so much for the advice and just for listening really. I feel a little bit less at sixes and sevens and a bit more focused after reading your posts (for now anyway).

Will post later. Thank you all so much.

Good luck op. If he is seeing faces/ hearing voices they will take that seriously.

Aknifewith16blades · 07/03/2021 11:54

OP, in case it's useful you can ask to use the private room in a Phamacy to make phone calls - there as a domestic violence measure, but I suspect this would also qualify.

I hope you can get your DH the help it sounds like he desperately needs.

Chocolateteabag · 07/03/2021 12:06

Just wanted to say that even if your DH does cross with you now for "going behind his back" etc, once he has got the help he obviously now needs - he should come through to understand why you needed to do it

Him sleeping a lot is his body's way of trying to help him. His brain is overworked at the moment

It will get better

Calling in others to help us the right thing to do for him, you and your daughter.

You can do this!

flourella · 07/03/2021 12:21

He insists that he's just going through a bad patch of OCD but from my reading and his previous treatment/illness I understand that delusional thoughts/believing you've done things you haven't sounds more like psychosis of some kind?

Pretty much everything you've described, including the thinking he's done things he hasn't, sounds exactly like OCD, which can be much worse and more complex than even some people with the condition realise. Even what he describes as hearing and seeing things in your most recent post could be intrusive thoughts and images rather than hallucinations. If he is hallucinating and/or delusional, psychosis isn't an illness per se and experiencing it doesn't mean he has a particular psychotic disorder. I have severe OCD and my most prominent beliefs are so entrenched and I have (allegedly) such poor insight into their... falseness (i.e., I believe them to be absolutely true despite others saying they are impossible) that they are considered psychotic delusions, so psychosis can occur with OCD. I can also have disordered thinking which is another symptom of psychosis, but have never hallucinated. Technically I could have been diagnosed with persistent delusional disorder or maybe something else depending on the weight given to the disorganised thinking, but the paranoia and delusions are so closely linked to the OCD behaviour that they just called it "OCD with psychosis".

Whether he is having "just" a bad flare up of "typical" OCD, or is experiencing an episode with poor insight/delusions, or has something else undiagnosed going on, I agree that treatment under the GP is not enough for him at the moment. In sending him away with antidepressants, they have shown little understanding of what he is going through; whether that is because he hasn't told them everything I don't know, but it's utterly inadequate. He may or may not need inpatient treatment, but I hope you find some way to get him help. Others have given potential avenues to go down in order to get it, and he will surely thank you once he has begun to recover from this episode. What he's going through sounds very like what has happened to me in the past.

TheOrchidKiller · 07/03/2021 12:33

Just sending moral support because I was once in your shoes, OP.

Please answer the call back from 111, & don't play down what's going on. You are doing the right thing by getting him help.

My tip is to make sure you & your daughter eat & drink today, even if it is only snacks. It will be a long day, but you also need to look after yourselves.

Wishing you every bit of luck.

WeatherwaxLives · 07/03/2021 13:14

Are you worried about what he'll do if he realises you're on the phone to someone about him? Might he hurt you or himself? I'm sure he wouldn't in the normal course of things and that will make it very hard to think about, but he's not in control of himself right now.

If so I'd call 111 again and explain you're concerned for your/his safety if they call you while he's present, that you really need to talk to someone now or for them to send someone to assess him.

BunnyRuddington · 07/03/2021 14:55

I agree with Weather. How are things now? Have you managed to call anyone yet?

SirVixofVixHall · 07/03/2021 15:03

He sounds psychotic OP. I have wider family members with Schizophrenia and another who is bipolar , also have experience of a friend’s partner who has schizophrenia.
It sounds as though he needs sectioning, he could hurt himself or someone else, he needs help to rest and recover.

HelloMrBond · 07/03/2021 15:19

Im in full agreement with many posters on here. Something very similar was happening to a family member, only we didn’t read the signs and left it too late resulting in a major breakdown. After a period being sectioned and medicated life is slowly returning to normal a year on. We’re all here for you x

SirVixofVixHall · 07/03/2021 15:25

You can’t wait for him to agree, because he is mentally ill and not in a state to make sensible or rational choices.

ittakes2 · 07/03/2021 16:03

It sounds like he needs to go to A&E. But if he won't go - we have Healthy Minds in our area. You don't need a doctor's referral - its a self referral. You text a number and they text / call you back and have you assessed. I am guessing he will be assessed as needing further help.
Both my daughter and I have diagnosed OCD. It's very hard dealing with someone else's OCD and other issues. Very very hard because as you know you can't apply logic as you would dealing with a Neurotypical person. I think just ring everyone you can think of to get some help. I am guessing you already know this but you can not deal with this yourself. If you are feeling frightened I am wondering if you can't get any other support whether you could as last resort get the police involved - maybe someone else with this experience of getting the police involved might be able to help. But its a tradgedy that you can't get the support you need.
Have you spoken to the doctor yourself? Told them you are frightened? Maybe that would make a difference. You never know, although he has spoken to the doctor its unlikely he has explained the full extent of his issues.

something2say · 07/03/2021 17:11

Hows it going op?

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 07/03/2021 17:28

This sounds like a very worrying snd exhausting time for you, OP.

Under the mental health act you are your DH’s nearest relative which means you can request a mental health act assessment carried out by an Approved Mental Health Professional.

The local authority has a statutory duty to consider your request snd to provide reasons, in writing, as to why not should they decline your request.

I think it’s worth going direct to your LA adult mental health social care team rather than doing the 111/A&E/GP dance.

You’ll usually find the number listed as something like Emergency Duty Team.

Joeblack066 · 07/03/2021 17:55

@user1471462115

Look up Mental Health Crisis Team in your area and call them and talk to them He sounds very very ill to me

This.

Joeblack066 · 07/03/2021 17:57

You can also call 999 or 111as paramedics can then help. You need to be insistent that you are worried for his safety.

withgraceinmyheart · 07/03/2021 20:02

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I just wanted to echo the poster above saying that severe OCD can cause symptoms so bad they look like psychosis. Intrusive thoughts can be so strong they feel like auditory or visual hallucinations, and the feeling of 'having done something' and needing to 'check' sounds exactly like OCD.

That's important, because I was told when I was diagnosed that people with OCD shouldn't be given anti-psychotics because they can make intrusive thoughts worse. I don't know if that's true in every case, but it's something to be aware of, and to ask about if someone wants to prescribe them for him.

MuthaFunka61 · 08/03/2021 11:27

Good morning @NotMyReaIName.

Thinking of you and wondering how you and the situation you're dealing with are today?

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