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Original poster

Intrusive thoughts

560 replies

Mumtotwoxo · 03/03/2021 12:43

I have just had a baby 10 weeks ago. I was doing well apart from small panic attacks from my anxiety that I’ve suffered with for years. The other day out the blue I started having intense panic attacks where I can’t sleep and intrusive thoughts that are extremely scary and real. I feel like a bad mum. Has anyone suffered this too? Reached out to my gp and now referred to a MH nurse.

OP posts:
TheLumpySofaCushion · 15/03/2021 08:46

Amazing Amazing Amazing!!!

Zopiclone wouldn't knock you out for long if you were still were you were last week.

Flippin well done my lovely, you are helping yourself ENORMOUSLY.

Keep doing what you're doing and make sure your Mental Health team are working for you.

I'm working today but will be thinking of you, as I know the other fabulous people on this thread will be too.

Blackopal · 15/03/2021 09:07

Morning, another good sleep is brilliant news!
Do you think the beta blockers are helping at all?

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 09:23

@Blackopal morning! Yeah I do think they are helping but they make me feel abit dizzy/cold, I've heard that's normal when first starting them though. X

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Blackopal · 15/03/2021 09:30

Yes first few days I was dizzy and felt quite removed. After few days it levelled out and the feeling went.

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 09:32

@TheLumpySofaCushion speak to you later lovely, enjoy work xx

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Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 09:33

@Blackopal did you struggle reading chapter 8 on intrusive thoughts book? (Exposing yourself) x

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Blackopal · 15/03/2021 09:44

Yes, it's scary and seems counter intuitive. Why would you freak yourself out on purpose?

However, I don't think you have to do anything elaborate.
Sit and hold your baby, let any thoughts come, and don't react , remind yourself it's just a thought.
If you do that more and more your mind will understand it has another option. The option to not panic and not let the thought become anything more than a random meaningless thought. The thought has no power, is not a secret reflection of what you want, it is not you.

Blackopal · 15/03/2021 09:53

I am a single parent, when I was at my worse I had support from my lovely sibling for a few nights.
Overall I was on my own, in that awful state and life had to go on. I had to look after my children, do school runs and dinners and bedtimes.
I was utterly terrified, I'm sure you can imagine.

I am telling you that because I want to show you that even with all the opportunity in the world, even when my thoughts were terrible and my existence a misery, nothing happened.

I never once did anything other than look after my children. They had no idea what I was going through in my mind.
The reason for that is that I love them, I was not controlled by the thoughts no matter how it feels. And neither are you.

Don't be afraid of your children or taking some responsibilities back. Yes, it feels scary but it's not. One step at a time and soon you will find you have completed a task with them and you didn't panic. These build up and the times get longer until you find more and more solid ground to stand on X

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 11:36

@Blackopal managed to tidy my full house today (wipe surfaces, Hoover, clean bottles) plus had a visit from my MH team and I'm getting referred to CBT (woo!!)
Doctor not willing to increase my fluxotine as it's only been 17 days so hoping by next week they can review it x

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Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 12:03

Update everyone 🙏🏼
Being referred to CBT, possibly get bumped up the list as it's post natal.
Zopiclone being refused to 3.5mg
Fluxotine will be reviewed on Friday (3 week mark) to see if it's needing an increase.

My goal today is to take possibly an hour with my baby and have a shower.
Then maybe finish my book.

How is everyone else on this thread today? X

OP posts:
Blurberoo · 15/03/2021 15:06

Great news, @Mumtotwoxo Progress Smile x

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 16:31

@Blurberoo thanks!! How are you? X

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Blurberoo · 15/03/2021 16:35

I’m ok thanks! Been doing les mills body combat, it really helps, I can tell you! Grin x

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 16:40

@Blurberoo what's that? Never heard of it! X

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Blurberoo · 15/03/2021 16:58

It’s basically non contact kicking and punching as an aerobics class! You can do it at home as long as you’ve got a bit of space. There’s a session here-
It’s good for general fitness but a great stress reliever, too. I do think exercise really helps with anxiety. Even just a walk round the block with a buggy is good for clearing the head and getting rid of the cobwebs! Granted it can be very hard when you are delirious from lack of sleep! But I’ve found that once you force yourself a few times you start to really want to do it and it becomes part of your routine.

BCBG · 15/03/2021 18:17

@Mumtotwoxo I'm so proud of you! That is such great progress, well done.

TheLumpySofaCushion · 15/03/2021 18:19

What a great update @Mumtotwoxo.

I'm so pleased to hear how you are doing. Sounds like you've had a wonderfully positive day. I hope you are proud of yourself.

@Blurberoo - ooh, I used to love Body Combat, maybe I should put that back into my own routine!

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 18:20

@Blurberoo looks great! Thanks x

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Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 18:20

@TheLumpySofaCushion @BCBG I thought today was going to be a good day but I had to drive a 40 minute journey and all thoughts came rushing back. I hope that goes away one day as I love driving x

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TheLumpySofaCushion · 15/03/2021 18:57

[quote Mumtotwoxo]**@TheLumpySofaCushion* @BCBG* I thought today was going to be a good day but I had to drive a 40 minute journey and all thoughts came rushing back. I hope that goes away one day as I love driving x[/quote]

Don't aim for a whole day with no thoughts... that's a while off.

Focus on your achievements - you were out, you drove, you got there and back, you did it!!!!

BCBG · 15/03/2021 19:00

No, today WAS a good day by comparison - I don't think you can get through a whole day yet so just wait as the better bits go on for longer and join up if you see what I mean!

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 19:10

@TheLumpySofaCushion @BCBG did you both experience stronger thoughts but in smaller quantity? That's what I felt has happened today x

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BCBG · 15/03/2021 19:16

Kind of. Without wishing to sound like a cod psychologist, I think what happens is that when the thought pops up it's kind of more intense because it follows more normal brain activity and that makes us 'jump' to attention a little bit more. Overall I would say that you are showing good clear signs of recovery, but taking it easy, not expecting an overnight cure, and allowing time and meds to work is really important.

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 15/03/2021 19:37

@BCBG yeah it isn't all day now it is less but it's far more intense because I now know how strong the thoughts are. I'm trying not to fight them but it's hard. Not looking for a miracle overnight but hoping for easier days to come. I trigger so easily and I just went back to my normal life Sad x

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BCBG · 15/03/2021 19:42

Just look at how many of us are on here saying you WILL get back to your normal life and like I said at the beginning: one day you will be supporting another young mum through it with the benefit of your experience. Like we all say, this feels horrendously real, but it's not real, and instead it's brain and hormones and lack of sleep and new baby protectiveness gone a little bit haywire. It will go. Stick with us, I promise.