How to get over home location disappointment

[Countrysidebloos]

I'm from the countryside - I don't mean suburbs, I mean like, deepest, darkest Cumbria, farming country type stuff. Miles to a main road, miles and miles to a bus stop etc etc. As a young person I wanted nothing more than to live in a large city. And now I do, and I have for 20 years. And it has been fabulous. But now I want to return to the motherland of lush green pastures and quiet. Most of all the quiet. Evening walks from your doorstep, the birdsong, the peace.

But DHs job is reliant on being near a large city. He doesn't want a long commute - fair enough. So he doesn't want to move. I get it. He met me here, he's a city boy (although not this particular city). He likes the idea of country living, but not enough to move. I can work anywhere - I'm in a profession where there are an abundance of jobs everywhere. DH is in a profession where they are linked to the big cities (or at least the decent salaries are).

But it's eating me up inside. I want to be nearer family (we aren't near any family his, or mine currently). I want to be out of the city (currently in suburb but it's still city like).

This pandemic has brought home to me that I like the quiet, that I don't need stuff on my doorstep in the way I thought I did, I enjoy a slower pace of life and I really like walking!

How do I get over this? I need to, we aren't moving I get that. But I need to move on.

"@Countrysidebloos
You sound very combative. My kids are 2&5, they don't really have a life here. And who says they'll be miserable, just because you were? You sound very bitter."

I did cite my 5 yr old dc's experience. My youngest DC was 5 when we moved. I may be bitter but i have have cited my 5 yr old sons moving experience. Maybe you did not fully read my post?

How did you feel in 2019? I ask because I was very happy where we live until the first lockdown and then I've become convinced we need to move. Maybe it is itchy feet, maybe kids getting older but maybe it's just Covid and I will not feel so strongly when things get back to normal.
Wish I had a vision of the future to know what the right option is.

"@Countrysidebloos and if you read my thread title it's about how to get over this. And if you read the OP DHs issue is job and commute, not countryside lifestyle."'

And if you read my posts you would see that my DH didn't want to commute either. So i divorced him and freed myself.

Live in the countryside OP but do not expect your husband or DC's to have to suffer that. Move where you like but do not expect your husband or children follow suit. !

Don't direct your frustrations at me.

@@Countrysidebloos My kids are 2&5, they don't really have a life here. "

If you say so.

You really have no understanding of children and their formative yrs relationships.

"@Countrysidebloos and if you read my thread title it's about how to get over this. And if you read the OP DHs issue is job and commute, not countryside lifestyle

And if you get over this Op and re read this , it is about ultimately about what YOU want. Your DP does not want to trek miles.

So leave him and build yr own life.

You really have no understanding of children and their formative yrs relationships.

Of course I do. But they are 2&5. DC1 hasn't started school yet due to pandemic and DC2 has never been to nursery because I was on mat leave prior to the pandemic. So they don't have any relationships!

So leave him and build yr own life.

And my kids? Leave them? Or drag them away from their father?

@@Countrysidebloos My kids are 2&5, they don't really have a life here. "

My kids are 15 and 21yrs. They have told me about when they were 5 .

You clearly know it all OP.

"@Countrysidebloos And my kids? Leave them? Or drag them away from their father?"

No, as i said. Reach an agreement with your husband or build a new life for yourself .

What do you want from this thread? Either stay where you are with yr husband or move to where you want to be? Why do you need to drag others with you? Why do you need to drag your dH and DC's into a fural

Clitheroe is a bit of a drag into Manchester but is lovely. Have a look round Rossendale as an alternative. Direct bus into Manchester (40 mins) and Rawtenstall has come an awfully long way in the last 2 years, it's becoming much more like Clitheroe/Whalley now

"My kids are 15 and 21yrs. They have told me about when they were 5 .

You clearly know it all OP."

What on earth is wrong with you? The OP has told you that her kids don't have any relationships outside the home.

You've told us that yours were moved 10 years ago at 5 and 11. That's very different. Also, the OP is asking how to deal with her yearning for a rural life whilst not uprooting them all.

You're either pissed or just here for a row.

"Why do you need to drag your dH and DC's into a fural"

Yep, as I thought, you're pissed love, go to bed

Sforsh49 yes 1hr 15 on the train. Too much unfortunately. I'll look at Rossendale, thanks.

O moved from Manchester to a small Scottish village and found it hellish. We then moved to a commuter town and whilst still out in the sticks it is closer to more amenities. I don't drive, although hoping to pass my test soon and when living in the village felt very trapped with nothing to do.

I can imagine this not being so fun with little kids if it will take you ages to get to group activities or as they get older and want to get out with friends. I can also understand your dh not wanting to compromise on his commute.

I think once lovkfown ends you should make a point of visiting back home and doing so for a weekend away now and again if you can afford it. Float the idea of a holiday home with your dh and see how much you enjoy it.

It may be the case of having to make do for now but as your kids get older your circumstances may change and your dh might be more open to the idea if it is still something you want to do. Yanbu to be disheartened x

*lockdown

@Countrysidebloos is it ok to DM you?

Can't you get both?

We live in a village with amazing beautiful walks from the door.

We are also only 25 mins drive from a city or a 12 min drive to a station from which it's a 37 min train journey to London.

Ironically, I am was the city lover out of the two of us but I love it here even more than DH.

Before we moved I cried and said I wanted my children to know London and made him promise we could visit at weekends with them. We haven't thanks COVID but I'm really not bothered. But it is nice to know we can and I do need to be within commuting distance of a city/London

N0rthern yes that's fine.

Why the hell would you want to be stuck in the back end of beyond with two small children? (Totally misses point about personal preferences, we're not all the same, ya-dee-ya-dee-ya).

I grew up in a fairly rural location (medium village, few facilities, three buses a week) and god, it was depressing in winter! Short, dark, dingy, wet days and nowhere to go. I used to hum that Little Mermaid song as I trudged down our dark, dingy, muddy road..."I want to be where the people are..."

This quest for rural idyll that Covid and lockdown has inspired in many people has left me bemused. All I can think is that you lot must like your husbands a lot more than I like mine if you're willing to spend years sitting in cold, dark converted barns staring at sheep with them.

Do Deliveroo even deliver there?

@DavidsSchitt Yep, as I thought, you're pissed love, go to bed

No, i took the pledge at my confirmation in 1986. I have no alcohol.

@DavidsSchitt my iphone auto correct and fat fingers make me a drinker?

@DavidsSchitt just explaining to op my children's experience when they were 5.

@DavidsSchitt idiot!!!

Oooookaaaayyy 🤪

You're very angry over a stranger on the internet asking for help to deal with her yearning for the bleak hills of Cockermouth.

And you sound a bit pissed

What about Macclesfield? On the edge of the Peak District and less than 30 mins into Manchester by train.