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Original poster

My mum died today

86 replies

tigerbread20 · 26/02/2021 23:49

Unexpectedly, at 52. I came home from work to find multiple ambulance crews going her cpr on our driveway.

I don't even know where to start, how to keep myself together, to look after my dad, to live without her.

I just needed to write it down, I'm still in shock

OP posts:
WannabemoreWeaver · 27/02/2021 00:39

Massive hugs to you. Just take it one step at a time and dont put too much pressure on yourself if you can help it. I would post flowers but I cant work out how to do it. Much love to you and your whole family.

Original poster
tigerbread20 · 27/02/2021 08:54

Thank you so much. I felt a lot of love from people I've never met.
I know we will be OK, just need some time to let it sink in

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 27/02/2021 08:58

The first few days you just need to make sure you and your DF eat and drink. Shock will carry you through this part. I lost my mum suddenly last year and the first weeks are very strange, don't expect too much of yourself.

fairydustandpixies · 27/02/2021 08:59

How absolutely awful, I'm so very sorry 🌹🌻🌷

MaggieFS · 27/02/2021 09:00

I'm so sorry OP. That's a terrible shock. As pp said, please make sure you remember to eat and drink sensibly.

Would you like to tell us about her, or ask us any questions about things on your mind?

Redhead37 · 27/02/2021 09:07

Op. I'm so so sorry. My mum died suddenly last Friday. She was a very young 73. We are all heartbroken. Just accept all the help you can, speak to your doctor, don't try and to everything. I have had to sort everything out, as my dad is so upset. I have concentrated on that, and so lucky that friends and my ex partner have supported with everything else. My mum was my best friend, I spoke to her 3 times a day. It is horrific, and we just have to get through each day. Sending you huge love and hugs to you abs your family xxx

Crunchymum · 27/02/2021 09:12

Oh gosh @tigerbread20

I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. It's the ultimate shock and it will indeed stay with you. She was so very young and your heart must be broken.

I lost my mum (she was a bit older than your mum but not old) very suddenly in September. My poor dad and sister had to perform CPR on her until the ambulance came but it was too late.

Please be kind to yourself. Make sure you rest, drink fluid and force some food down you. People will be available to guide you through this (the coroners if there needs to be a post mortem, the undertakers, the celebrant etc were all so very helpful when we didn't have a clue)

My heart actually sank for you but please, please, please know that even though it was many years too soon, your lovely mum wouldn't have suffered and in time, you will even alright. You are part of your mum, she is always with you.

If you feel up to it there is a thread in the bereavement section for people who have lost their parents Flowers

Midwife1997 · 27/02/2021 09:42

Just know that we strangers are thinking about you. x

Midwife

winewolfhowls · 27/02/2021 09:45

Im so sorry. Please remember to take time for you, too, it's OK to live on takeaways and a messy house for as long as it takes

LadyWithLapdog · 27/02/2021 09:48

I’m so sorry for your loss and that your child will never know it’s granny 💐

Tickledtrout · 27/02/2021 09:52

Oh @tigerbread20 I am so sorry for your loss. You have every right to be reeling. To lose your mum as you are on the brink of motherhood yourself is such a poignant loss. You will honour her in the love and life you show your child.
Kindness and care will be shown to you, I hope, sometimes from the least expected sources or from acquaintances. Take it and be kind to yourself. Also remember your dad is your parent too and when the initial shock is over he might well surprise you in his capacity to cope and care for you.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 27/02/2021 12:15

Also remember your dad is your parent too and when the initial shock is over he might well surprise you in his capacity to cope and care for you.

When my DH died it was the need to care for and support our DC that kept me going. You may find your dad wants to care for you and gets comfort from the prospect of your baby, tiger.

I am so sorry for your loss. Flowers

MyGazeboisLeaking · 27/02/2021 19:10

I'm so, so sorry, OP.

52 - such a young woman.
Sending you much love.

mowglika · 27/02/2021 19:31

So sorry OP, Flowers

Mrsmorton · 27/02/2021 19:33

I'm so sorry OP.

Bleggett · 02/04/2021 20:18

I'm so sorry to hear this, even though I had a year with my mum when we knew she was going to die, I couldn't really get my head around it so I can imagine how a sudden loss really turns everything upside down. Writing can be a really good way to make sense of your thoughts and feelings--I've set up a group with other mums who are mourning their mothers and we support each other and write together! Let me know if that sounds useful, happy to tell you more. Otherwise, sending love and strength!

SeaWitchly · 02/04/2021 20:30

I am so sorry Tiger. It must be a dreadful shock. I can only echo what others have said above, take it moment by moment, day by day. At this time your priority is making sure you eat and drink and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Let your other family and friends [also partner if you have one] help out with any jobs they can like grocery shopping or house cleaning. Access any professional support like counselling via your GP. Try and remember that your Mum does not feel any pain and she is at peace. Sending you lots of hugs xxx

Ghostlyglow · 02/04/2021 20:52

I'm so sorryFlowers. My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly (a few years ago now). I'm an only child and had to deal with everything. It's a terrible time but you will get through it. I actually don't really remember the first few weeks to be honest with you. Try not to rush through things. I did, I think mainly because I just wanted it to be over, and it was a mistake. Take care of yourself.

Bluetrews25 · 02/04/2021 20:55

Sending love
Be kind to yourself.Flowers

autumnboys · 02/04/2021 21:00

I’m so very sorry, Tiger. I lost my Dad suddenly when I was pregnant with my second and my first was still very little. It is hard, it feels impossible, but you find you keep going because of the little ones. Sending you lots of love and strength Flowers

tmh88 · 02/04/2021 21:01

So sorry to hear this op, same thing happened to me in December. I have no real advice as I’m still struggling about it but want you to know your not alone x

FlorrieLindley · 02/04/2021 21:03

I'm a complete stranger, TigerBread20 but I felt for you, so much, reading your post.
So much for such a young woman to deal with.
I hope you and your dad will be of comfort to each other. You are probably both in shock.
Please take care of yourselves.

Whatwouldnanado · 02/04/2021 21:06

Sending love and condolences. Take care of yourself, don't be afraid to accept offers of help from friends, neighbours. She goes on in you and your little one.

Cocolapew · 02/04/2021 21:08

I'm so sorry Flowers

ChinstrapBobblehat · 02/04/2021 21:09

I’m so sorry @tigerbread20. Lost my mum last August and tbh I still feel like I’m in shock some of the time.
Yes, you need to support your dad, but please remember to look after yourself too, esp if you’re pregnant. Take as much help and support as you can get from the people who offer. When it all gets too much - especially in those days and weeks after she’s laid to rest and there’s no more running around and paperwork and arrangements to distract you, and you feel wrung out - be kind to yourself and take the time you need.
Your mum won’t meet your baby, but never forget she’s part of your baby - she’ll live through you and your children forever.
Sending you lots of love and a big hug Flowers