Cheer me up with your worst colleague stories please...

[whatsnewpussycat777]

My colleague and I are irritating each other at the moment, however nothing sinister. Thank God.

Had one previous colleague who was the laziest person on the planet ... and got away with it.....That partly nailed my leaving that particular job to be honest.

One manager was awful to me. Loads of petty things like if you were even a few minutes late from lunch you'd be dressed down in front of the whole office but she'd swan in with one of her favourites out of the staff 15 minutes late and not a word could be said.

Worst thing was I had to leave the job to look after a parent who had cancer. I'd explicitly told her and the more senior manager not to say anything to the other staff as it was hard enough as it was. What did she do? Told everyone. I had to stick a smile on my face and have leaving drinks etc when I simply wanted to leave on the Friday without telling all the other staff.

@AudacityOfHope I work in the same place as you 😜

14down

Was the head AW of S school?

I used to be a union rep. Had to rep for a guy who had been accused of misconduct, while discussing the upcoming meeting with him he spent the entire conversation staring at my boobs. I said ‘my eyes are up here’ gesturing at my face and he looked up says ‘I know’ and goes back to staring at my boobs. He was later sacked for a different offence but remains the only man to ever make me feel uncomfortable just being near him.

I had a manager who 'trained' himself to make the Chewbacca howling noises when he yawned. I wanted to throat punch him.

My worst colleague story was actually my boss when I worked in a solicitors. All because I went on jury service...

When I said I had been called up, she was ranting she always wanted to do it but had never been called. I was meant to work one Saturday a month but mine feel in the middle of the two weeks service and you aren't allowed to work when on service (I read it somewhere on the papers at the time). I explained to her I needed to swap and she said that I wouldn't be there more than a week so she wouldn't let me swap.

I was there three weeks in the end and after that she had a vendetta against me. Lots of complaints I wasn't doing the amount of work I was meant to, so had to keep a diary of everything I did from them on. I was even seeing the clients when they come into the office to witness signatures and answers all the fone calls etc. I had meetings with HR but when my colleagues who worked in the same room as me said it was all unfair and wanted to come to meetings with me or put in their two pennies worth, they were not allowed as it wasn't a "formal" issue... I got out there as fast as I could towards the end and everyone said how much happier I was and it was like a massive weight had been lifted off me...

A short while after they took on an employment solicitors to the practice (which they had never had) and a few years later they got rid of her too...

What goes around, comes around 😂

The sweet lovely finance lady at a previous job went on maternity leave and the billing part of her role was divvied up amongst our group of PA's for the duration. Except that in balancing the billing across multiple jobs we discovered she had been siphoning money off for years. Fake invoices, payments directed to her personal accounts, fake expenses- all sorts. We pulled in all the physical and digital files as far back as she had been relatively autonomous and the amount stolen went into the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Realistically closer to a million but we could only lay charges for specific evidence and a lot of the older amounts didn't have all of the supporting evidence. No wonder she could afford to pay off her mortgage, have two new cars and multiple holidays on her and her DH's relatively humble jobs.
It almost broke the finance director at the time as he had mentored her and applied for training and qualification for her over the years.

My last manager was a total psycho. She used to come out with the most random shit and always got sayings wrong. Examples are:
Rabbits are riddled with disease - you do them a favour when you run them over!
When the ship hits the flan.
Batten down the hatchets.
Babies communicate by growling.
Snakes attack you by jumping.
She also named her cat after her daughter's dead baby.
When my DMIL died, my husband (an only child) was already off work with depression, I requested compassionate leave and she refused on the grounds that my father was in poor health and I would want leave when he died even though I told her that I had a mother and sister who would be able to deal with that if necessary. I then asked for annual leave and was refused on the grounds that I was only allowed annual leave for nice things!

Years & years ago, I worked for a cardiologist in his surgery.
He had a young man in the back who ran the stress tests & did the other tests.
That guy took copious amounts of garlic supplements — so much that his body secreted garlic.
It was nauseating, and the whole place smelled of BO & garlic. It was awful. 🤮
The patients complained, we complained, but the doctor just said that it would be infringing on garlic boy’s rights to ask him to stop.
So I finally quit. Ick.

Worked in a vets as animal nurse then this horrible man was employed as head nurse. He just had a horrible, nasty personality and liked to belittle and denigrate people and their work. He lied about so much to the point blamed me about two animals getting ill from poor care when it was him. One day just walked out got another job. Then heard later that he was caught stealing the practices drugs and so was revealed but not before all good staff had left!

I seem to constantly attract cheeky fucker colleagues who steal my food and drink and other stuff in nearly every job I’ve had there’s been a food a thief I could fill several pages of this thread with stories of colleagues stealing my food so I’ve chosen the worst two.

One ex colleague used to always help herself to other colleagues food even when their name was on their lunch she’d even take off people’s plates whilst they were eating and if they tried to say no she’d say “sharing is caring don’t be so selfish” but I never saw her bring in any food at all. One day she ate my entire lunch (she was on early lunch I was on late lunch) when I asked where it was she said she’d eaten it because she was starving to which I replied “so am I” she didn’t give a shit and ignored me so I had to go out to the shop and buy food so I went to the nice chip shop over the road, when I got back and sat down I kid you not she looked over and said to me “ooh that looks tasty” and actually reached over and tried to take some chips but I quickly moved my plate away before she could, she looked shock and had the utter cheek to say “oh WickedWitch sharing is caring don’t be so selfish” 😱 😡I was fuming at this point so I replied “aren’t you full from my eating my entire lunch?” She was so shocked she had no answer for that but it didn’t stop her trying to steal my food each time only I never allowed it she used to get really pissed off every time I refused to put up with it.

Another ex colleague when I worked in customer services used to do the same help herself to my stuff replace it and then eat it before I could or she’d eat most of my food and leave me a little bit left which made my blood boil, our manager used to laugh until she did it to her and she couldn’t leave the premises to replace it, it was a different story then she was fuming with the food thief and said something🙄. Food thief once saw my cigarettes at the top of my bag and casually remarked “WickedWitch I’m gonna borrow a few fags off you ok” and she actually took them out of my bag but I snapped I told her straight “No you’re not I’m not a fucking fag dispenser and don’t you ever go through my bag again!” She had the nerve to tut at me and I watched go to her coat and take a full box of 20 cigarettes out!! 😱 I did get my own back though after months of this thieving going on, me having to replace my food costing me more money and management refusing to intervene I hid all of her food to teach her a lesson which I was going to put back but she went mad about it asked if it was me to which I replied “nope but maybe it’s the same cheeky sod who keeps stealing my food and drinks” she then went on to accuse everyone else and had the cheek to say she wasn’t a bank and couldn’t fund other people’s eating habits 😱😡 I threw the whole lot in the bin and she had to replace everything which I know is petty but I look it at as cheeky fucker karma this greedy cow had been helping herself to my food for over 6 months and I reached my breaking point lol

Caught on CCTV shaking poo nuggets out of their trouser leg in the office elevator.

I felt so sorry for the manager who had to talk to them about it.

Suggested to my employer of 18 years that they hire an accountant as the previous one had left and I was an accounts clerk and not qualified - new accountant was there a month, I find $10,000 taken out of the bank when doing the bank rec, go to him and he tells me to just do a journal in the books! I, of course say NO. Not sure what he said to management, but 2 days later I got a sacked and a minute's notice to clear my desk... just about broke me. I didn't even get a chance to tell them about the $10,000 he'd taken out of the bank account, so he probably stole more from them after I left.

Oh dear, I was just about to write the same! Maybe it's not than uncommon a thing to do...

Sorry, that was supposed to be in response to the pp who caught a colleague washing his dick in the sink.

Some of these are absolutely batshit crazy!

Cheers for that. Now feeling sick!

@Bussinbussin

Caught on CCTV shaking poo nuggets out of their trouser leg in the office elevator.

I felt so sorry for the manager who had to talk to them about it.

Wait, you can't just casually mention poo nuggets in someone's trouser leg like everyone's supposed to know wtf that even means?!!

Does this mean he did a tiny, constipated, rabbit dropping poo whilst in the lift? Or does it mean he didn't bother to wipe his arse at all, so there were actual nuggets of poo hanging off his arse hairs? Is this a common thing??

When I was a student I landed a summer job as a temp in a big bank in the city. The other girls were awful to me. Any chance they got they were openly critical from the way I ate, the way I drank my coffee and my clothes. I was leaving one night and I overheard one loudly say to the other "Another day done. Let's see what non-designer the temp wears tomorrow" followed by guffaws of laughter. I got through it though and made enough to keep myself for the next year at Uni!

I used to work with a young woman who was the worst backstabber of anyone I've ever met. We had quite a young crowd at work, and she wasn't particularly popular - but whenever anyone would be friendly with her, she would take whatever info they told her and use it against them with other staff.

She was also extremely lazy but sucked up to the managers, so they thought she was great, especially as she was giving them all the gossip as well!

Was glad to leave her behind when I changed jobs.

Still think of the woman I worked with who would spray her pits under her clothes with spray deodorant multiple times a day, choking out the office. When someone breaks the social contract to that degree it’s so hard to confront.

Can't give full details for obvious reasons, but let's just say it involved MI5 and a forensic investigation. Given that I don't work for the security services or anything even vaguely to do with national security, this was a surprise.

Mine was an actual moron.
He had just passed his probationary period , but was always mansplaining to people who had been in the job for 10 years or more.
His most dickish move was the day that the BigBoss had come into my office to do a tea round ( he was a nice bloke, pitched in with the tea round for his 4 direct reports) & moron wanders in to my office ( for no reason, different department) & says, and this is a direct quote " you're the BigBoss , you should get one of the bitches to make the tea!"
Well, BigBoss is a gentle soul and just looked shocked so I jumped in and told moron to get out of my office , moron then tells me to calm down, BigBoss regains his composure and tells moron to get out.
We had a proper WTF was that conversation and HR were summoned. Moron's reasoning , I was later told, was that as an Alpha Male he had to show dominance.

I had one colleague who was surprised when I said I didn’t fancy him - he thought he was Gods gift to women. I don’t deny that he was a fine specimen of the male race, but wasn’t fanciable, despite his good looks.

(Off to Google what he’s up to nowadays, that was over twenty years ago).