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Cheer me up with your worst colleague stories please...

361 replies

whatsnewpussycat777 · 18/02/2021 15:48

My colleague and I are irritating each other at the moment, however nothing sinister. Thank God.

Had one previous colleague who was the laziest person on the planet ... and got away with it.....That partly nailed my leaving that particular job to be honest.

OP posts:
WannabemoreWeaver · 20/02/2021 19:26

[quote draughtycatflap]@WannabemoreWeaver sunroof guy was cute. Not really in the spirit of this thread I suppose. He would be over 50 now and I do wonder if he’s about somewhere still trying to squeeze through a car sunroof. 😀[/quote]
I really hope so @draughtycatflap! I am over 50 and some days its all I can do to get off the sofa!

KettleWentBang · 20/02/2021 19:30

My last job there was an attention seeker. Oh my if u ever met her she'd boil your blood within an hour.
She carried a satchel full of ' meds'
She lied about 4 miscarriages! And it was proven.
She lied about being in hospital with one all weekend we all clubbed together to buy flowers and then the week after she met ' the new lad at work' who had actually been partying with her in the nightclub when she was' in hospital '

I couldn't stand her and nor could most. Except the gullible ones.
Even thinking about her boils my blood

AllFrightOnTheNight · 20/02/2021 19:49

@KettleWentBang

My last job there was an attention seeker. Oh my if u ever met her she'd boil your blood within an hour. She carried a satchel full of ' meds' She lied about 4 miscarriages! And it was proven. She lied about being in hospital with one all weekend we all clubbed together to buy flowers and then the week after she met ' the new lad at work' who had actually been partying with her in the nightclub when she was' in hospital '

I couldn't stand her and nor could most. Except the gullible ones.
Even thinking about her boils my blood

I used to have a coworker like this. Worst was probably when they said their grandmother had died, another coworker happened to be friends with her aunt (outside of work) and called her to express condolences, Granny was fit and healthy. Coworker called her on her lie and the liar just denied ever claiming her grandmother had died. Weird. She left not long after, think she was embarrassed to be caught in such a filthy lie.
BeAndQueue · 20/02/2021 21:38

KettleWentBang you've just reminded me of one I'd forgotten!

I worked with a young chap, bit odd, not particularly likeable but we all rubbed along OK for the most part. He was early 20s, said he was in a custody battle with his ex, that she was trying to take the child back to her home country. Talked about the child most days, had to leave early on certain days to collect said child from after school clubs, all sorts of stuff, went on for months. Much drama with ex and childcare, illnesses, you name it, he had problems with it. Then we had a new starter, similar age, with a kid too. She was keen to get their kids together for a playdate - everything arranged, then the day of the playdate he comes to work and says his child has died! A traffic accident on the way home from school the day before. Of course, everyone is distraught, he's sent home on bereavement leave, word filters out to other departments where it just happens a friend of his sibling works...

Turns out there is no child, all a complete fabrication!

Somehow he kept his job, just got moved to a different department. One day a couple of months later one of us was temping in his new department, only to hear him telling all his new colleagues about his child!!

He was confronted, but initially the new colleagues thought the confronter was the liar - after all, who would lie about something like that?!

blackbettybramblejam · 20/02/2021 22:11

@BeAndQueue Wow that is just jaw dropping and chilling. I wonder if he is a real psychopath!?

MollyBloomYes · 20/02/2021 22:42

@barbrahunter grim isn't it? I was so full of hope when I trained as well! All I can do now is send lots of encouraging emails and try and be as lovely a parent as possible to my kids' teachers (especially at the moment, as I consider education staff to have been throughly hung out to dry over covid. Enraging but sadly not surprising). My oldest son has SEN (not related to the attack) so I have quite a lot of opportunity for positive interaction!

MollyBloomYes · 20/02/2021 22:49

@HateLife21 I work in Health Visiting now for a fraction of the wage but an immeasurable difference in job satisfaction and quality of life 😊 I'm a single parent so get by thanks to Universal Credit topping up my wage but appreciate that teaching ends up being a money trap for many people (it was when I was married). I've just been accepted onto a nursing degree apprenticeship so eventually I'll be able to make up the wage difference (in about four years!) and continue to work with children and families whilst studying to be a health visitor. I adore my current role but there's no progression without further training and I'm an ambitious type who loves studying so its win-win really. Well, except for education who are losing an awful lot of excellent teachers thanks to terrible policies and unmanageable stress and workload. It would need a lot of change for me to ever consider going back and I think it's very unlikely that will ever happen

IdblowJonSnow · 20/02/2021 22:50

A few of these are funny but more are either terrifying or just awful. Sadly I also have had many bad work experiences and probably 8 out of 10 managers I've ever had have been perves or bullies or megalomaniacs.

7catsandcounting · 20/02/2021 22:54

@GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy I taught in the UK 20 odd years ago. I was an NQT in a school that's since closed down. It was in a poor area and, well... the kids were disruptive. Only a handful of the teachers knew what they were doing. I'm not including myself in that. I walked in all bright-eyed and bushy tailed only to have some little sod poo in my pencil crayon drawer by the end of my first week. Anyway, one day, this supply teacher came in and a few of us tried to warn her about this one particular form. She assured us no kid had got the better of her in 35 years of teaching. At morning break she was seen running out of the building in floods of tears. Never saw her again.

JustLyra · 20/02/2021 22:59

@BeAndQueue I wonder if he was the same guy I worked with when I was at uni.

I had a colleague whose wife had a baby. He had a lot of time off during the pregnancy because she had lots of scares and scans. People bent over backwards to cover for him, we did a collection and it was around £600 all in because it was a big place so bought the big ticket item he asked for. Baby was born, he brought her in to visit. All good.

Four months later he comes in in tears. Wife is pregnant again. Not sure how they're going to cope etc etc. Again everyone is supportive. Covers shifts for appointments, did last minute swaps when his wife wasn't coping with the first baby (a couple of times he even brought her in) and just generally looked after him. Second baby was born premature so again we did a collection. They were struggling financially so it was given in cash. Colleagues donated a days leave each so he could have a couple of weeks off while the baby was tiny and in NICU. Eventually baby got bigger and came home. Couldn't bring her in as his wife was understandably very protective/worried about germs etc.

Then one day a new girl started. She was chatting away and mentioned where she used to work. He went white as a sheet, walked out at lunchtime and didn't come back for a week. Eventually we were told by our boss that he'd been transferred elsewhere while a disciplinery investigation was done. Turned out the new girl had previously worked with his sister. There was no second baby. He'd just realised how much free time off he could get. Apparently he'd planned to say she'd miscarried at around 6 months, but another girl we worked with did miscarry at that exact time and he couldn't face it so he kept going with the lie.

The council sent him for counselling and tried to bring him back, but there was an outcry in the office because he'd basically stolen the collection money in our eyes. In the end it was realised that by claiming paternity leave/pay for two weeks he'd committed fraud and he was given the option to resign or be sacked.

14down · 20/02/2021 23:58

@JustLyra woah!

Blue2021 · 21/02/2021 06:07

Had a manager who was basically bi polar. She would be lovely to you until something in her day went bad and she took it out on me. Also tried blaming me for a massive mess up on her part. I got pulled into the GM office only for me to prove I had been out of the country on annual leave for 2 weeks exactly when the mess up happened and I had emails stating I shouldn’t ever deal with this particular client - only ever her. also when I left I had to hand my notice into her (I left because of her). I didn’t say it was because of her as I was scared but HR knew. She stormed into HR and was complaining as she thought I was leaving because of another member. HR set her straight.. she didn’t talk to me the whole of my notice period - it was lovely. I was young and it helped me grow a thick skin.. so lesson learnt.

everyonesacf · 21/02/2021 06:47

Worked with a women who was on the phone to my manager every morning around 8.30 telling her what time I arrived and what I was doing. She thought she was being cryptic but was completely obvious that she was keeping tabs on me. On my last day she said that she would love to keep in contact and meet up for coffee regularly. I thoroughly enjoyed telling her that I had absolutely no interest in ever seeing her again!

islockdownoveryet · 21/02/2021 09:29

Some of these are hilarious and I’ve worked with a few over the years.
I had a colleague who really stank he was filthy, his nails were black he wore the same shirt every day for at least 2 weeks . He was in the same office and if you passed his desk the smell was awful . He wouldn’t leave his desk all day not even for a drink or the toilet except at lunch time and just before he left work . He was a nice guy though very quiet, he was eventually sacked but we never found out why but nobody really knew what he did.
Another colleague I worked with for years was a right bitch to me some times . She was older than me and would complain that she was overworked but wouldn’t let me take on any of her work even though I was keen to take on more responsibility. I think she saw me as a threat as would flatly refuse and say it’s not my job and would reluctantly take time off . She would blame me for anything like say if we got a letter off Royal Mail to say post had been mis franked , I hardly did any post . I could tell she’d blame me because my manager would ask in front of me it was me and I’d say no and she sit looking at me . She was also racist and homophobic but didn’t realise her adult daughter was gay just loads of things she told me about her she was definitely gay , my other co worker said the same . She was just a really unhappy lady , I met her husband a few times and he was a bully to her also racist and homophobic . He would regularly ring her on her mobile when she was on work calls and then ring office phone I’d answer and he’d demand to know why she’d not answer her phone or where she was if she’d gone into another office . Honestly he was a twat and it explained why she never wanted to take time off and why she was a bitch . She’d say oh He think I’m having a affair ( she was in her 60’s) I’d say you know that’s not right but she’d just laugh. Loads of other things , I think she had a shit life really her adult kids sounded awful too borrowing money all the time and letting her run around after them . But she had no back bone with her family but took all that out on me and other colleagues . My manager saw all this but never said anything I left eventually and she said well I’m not surprised your capable of more . I was shocked as in all the years had made out I was not capable of doing anything else so I knew then that she was threatened by me . I believe she retired not long after I wonder if she’s happy .

WeeDangerousSpike · 21/02/2021 09:38

@blackbettybramblejam he definitely had some pretty serious problems. He'd always been a bit 'off' and not particularly nice, but the nature of the work was that it attracted people who were misfits / couldn't hold down more complicated jobs, so he didn't stand out particularly. He was incredibly angry when he was discovered - not embarrassed or remorseful at all - to the point of being quite scary. Several women (me included) refused to work alone with him or in close proximity (was a physical job, you'd often be literally rubbing shoulders for hours) my line in the sand came when he got angry with me asking him to do something properly, not half assed, and he growled at me! I was boxed in and very very aware of the pair of scissors within his grabbing distance, it was terrifying!

@JustLyra I doubt it was the same person, this was only about 6 years ago. Terrifying that there's more than one of them!!

JustLyra · 21/02/2021 10:20

[quote 14down]@JustLyra woah! [/quote]
He was awful. It was ridiculous that management seemed to think everyone should accept him back.

I genuinely think if the hadn’t realised the paternity pay thing was such an issue we’d have been forced to work with him again.

JustLyra · 21/02/2021 10:25

I also worked with a woman who called everyone by their full name. Nobody was just Mary or Jimmy, it was always “I gave that to Mary Smith” or “Can you asked Jimmy Jones to do...”. There was 12 of us and no duplicate names.

She even done it with her family when she was talking about them. Her eldest son had the same name as her husband so when she was talking about them son was referred to as “my wee Jimmy Jones” and her husband as “my big Jimmy Jones”.

It was bizarre, and after a while really annoying.

BitchBoss · 21/02/2021 10:51

I have one. After working with a company for many years and having a lovely boss for many of those years, after a reorganisation, my lovely boss lost their position and had to accept a much diminished role. I was given the opportunity to work on a very interesting project that would be great on my CV, if I worked for this other person, Bitch Boss. Now years previous, I collaborated in an organisation wide project with someone who worked for this lady and had been told many instances of her horrid behaviour. Yet when I met with this boss, she was lovely to me. She actually courted me to come work with her - we’re talking spa evenings together, wine tasting etc outside of work plus including me in all sorts of higher level meetings and trips to our other European offices. So I thought perhaps it was a case that the lady I knew just had a problem with this boss. Oh I should have known.

Once this boss lady had what she wanted from me for this project, she turned and would do all sorts of things to try to discredit me. She’d give me instructions to do A, B, and C but tell others I was to do X, Y, and Z. Thankfully I had good connections within the business that I would find these things out and started a CYA train of emails confirming her instructions. For months I’d wake in the middle of the night, gasping out load wondering if I’d managed to catch everything she was trying to do to set me up.

Then there was the time we had a big board meeting. She and I were to meet early in the morning (about 7:30 am) to gather all the board packs from office A and take them together to office B via taxi for the board meeting in office B, taking place at 9am.

On the morning, She then decided to go straight to office B. I could work around that as I could get Porter to help me load the boxes into the taxi and organise Porter on other end. Only I hadn’t booked the taxi. When it didn’t show up, I called taxi firm. No record of booking and couldn’t send a taxi until 9. I said please come as soon as you can and if I find another transport would let them know. By then there’d be loads of traffic and no way could I make the meeting time. She’d booked a taxi firm not a supplier to the company so even receptionist (who usually booked taxied) had no record. Turns out she’d given only her mobile number and no name of the company, and not full address. As She turned her mobile off the Taxi driver couldn’t find our building and was ringing/messaging her from 7:30 until 8:45 when she finally turned on her mobile and gave the driver my number. Well, you can imagine how late I was. This driver didn’t know the one way road lay out around office B , made a wrong turn but the office building was just on the other side of multi lane road so I hopped out of the taxi in traffic, balancing boxes of board packs and ran across lanes of traffic to get to the building. Wishing all the time I’d get hit by a car as that could be the only excuse acceptable.

She never owned up to the fiasco and totally blamed me.

Next thing she did was give me a list of dates that external board member could attend. Spent days working out next meeting dates for the year- coordinating everyone’s diaries with some internal board members reorganising their meetings and even holidays to attend. Turns out the dates were actually all dates this external board member COULD NOT attend.

The final straw for me was the death of my sister, who lived abroad. I needed to organise funeral, empty her flat etc. Boss said she couldn’t possibly manage without me in the office and I couldn’t attend funeral nor have any time off, even though I contacted HR for bereavement policy (one week paid leave for close family member, which included sibling) before letting her know and organising colleagues to cover my work, staying until midnight organising very detailed hand over notes. I contacted HR that I was being denied leave and what I’d organised to go, so I went but also handed in my notice. When I got back, I agreed with HR leaving date (long notice period - worst time of my life!) as well as dates towards the end of my notice to use my holiday time as they do not pay for unused holiday days. One important date I booked months in advance was my daughter’s prom. I’d promised to do her hair/make up, host a pre prom party at our house with her friends and take all the photos. Boss tried very hard to cancel this leave the morning of the event but I held firm as by this time I had handed over all my work to my replacement. No way was I needed or so indispensable. I still have nightmares years later about her and what I should have said or done.

DoubleDessertPlease · 21/02/2021 11:53

I hope Jackie Weaver is on mumsnet 😀

Mochudubh · 21/02/2021 16:40

In the early 00's I temped at one company for about a week and a half, during which all of the below happened. The company refurbished ex fleet cars and put them out for resale. The management/employee relationship was dysfunctional to say the least.

The "office" was a portacabin on top of a workshop, the toilet was on the ground floor. One day I was half-way up the stairs when I got that prickly feeling. I turned round to see an older guy bending down to look up my skirt.

I was walking back to my car one evening when the same guy suddenly popped up from behind one of the cars and scared me shitless.

The 20 year Old office manager broke down in tears after a very public dressing down from the site manager.

A fellow temp started in the morning, went for lunch and didn't return.

The next temp was Asian. It was the week before Christmas and there were a few sad decorations up. One of the mechanics came into the office just as the temp was going out and said "Surprised you're allowed Christmas Dec's up with one of them around" 😯. I was gobsmacked but no-one else seemed to see anything wrong. Oddly enough, that temp did not return either.

The workshop staff downed tools and walked out for a whole day.

I'd already decided I wasn't going back after Christmas but on the 23rd one of the other staff asked for Christmas Eve off, the manager said in front of me "Fine, the temp (me) can cover it". Bollocks was I sitting in that freezing shed on my own for 8 hours so I told them sorry but I won't be coming back. I felt bad for the one who asked but she was a young singleton and I had a 5yo DC.

To top it off the manager said it was a shame as she'd hoped I would become permanent. Aye, that'll be right.

ooohbriefcase · 21/02/2021 17:31

I am generally shocked at the amount of toenail weirdos Shock😂

yesyoudoknowme · 21/02/2021 17:52

I worked with a guy who murdered his wife... loveliest guy ever, got a suspended sentence.
My ex boss knew I liked milky coffee so brought in some (opened) gold top milk for me (in a glass bottle which was a bit crusty around the top) then after I'd drunk it told me it was left over cats milk...
Same boss used to hang his tea bags to dry before reusing...

SilverStory · 21/02/2021 18:45

Wow, these stories are shocking.
Trying to think if I have anything over than the odd leery misogynist, but coming up blank.
Oh, we had toilet blocker-gate once years and years ago. Not poo, but some one blocked the loos day after day by unspooling all the loo roll onto one (or more) loos. There were about 100 people in the office, so it was pretty inconvenient. They changed from those large industrial rolls to one-at-a-time paper sheets to slow her down. I never heard who it was, but it was almost definitely a woman as it rarely happened in the gents.

Bitchboss, that's other level sabotage!

AngelDelightUK · 22/02/2021 06:37

@Notmybloodymonkeys

Some of the ladies were also in love with the original guy from Bargain Hunt and he was all they spoke about.

That’s hilarious. Grin

They had framed photos of him on their desks and everything!! It was a few years ago now and I can’t remember how many of them were in the unofficial fan club, but it was definitely 4 or 5 of them. If he’d been on TV the night before you could have real fun and ask what they thought about it. They’d be gushing for hours!!!
Classicbrunette · 22/02/2021 06:59

These are so funny 😂

I had a colleague who I shared an office with along with 4 others. This colleague smoked roll ups all day long. Back in the 80s of course. I complained to my boss constantly, every day the other colleagues didn’t like it either.. and then the law kicked in.. I swear I was the one who instigated it 😂 the colleague was put in an office on his own because He was so stubborn he refused to give it up .. an office of his own .. for smoking !!!! And he refused to speak to anyone. Especially me.