Pls tell me where I'm going wrong with housework?

[NextSlidePleaseWhitty]

Please help me...I genuinely don't know if I'm awful at housekeeping or if I'm being too hard on myself.

I'm a first time mum to a 7 mo baby and on maternity leave. DH has been wfh since last March and we live in a small flat.

DH and I share many chores, but he has lower standards than me about overall cleanliness and tidiness, such as when to change sheets and so on. He's good at doing laundry, bins, recycling, washing up etc without prompting, but doesn't seem to notice clutter, dust, sticky surfaces, dirty floors and stuff like that, or doesn't care about it. Whereas I really notice and I hate it!

Since being heavily pregnant and subsequent baby I have struggled to get all the housework and cleaning done to anything like the level I used to. I do stuff with baby in tow during the day, but I only just about manage to keep on top of the day-today stuff like packing dishwasher, baby's laundry, sterilising bottles, baby's meals and washing up etc. Any other things like cleaning the bathroom or mopping the floors just gets left. I don't seem to find the time. At night when baby sleeps I'm exhausted and though I say to myself I'll tackle jobs then, when the time comes I just want my dinner, glass of wine and Netflix!

DH works really long hours into the evening but pops out of his wfh office to do bins, laundry etc. Still I'm looking around feeling overwhelmed by it all! There's crumbs and spillages all over the kitchen, the floor needs hoovering and mopping, toys everywhere, papers and clutter where it doesn't live, there's a massive pile of clean laundry to put away, and the bedsheets need changing, plus bathroom needs a good long clean. And don't get me started on more broader jobs like gardening, organising and tidying up paperwork or DIY. I think that will have till the next millennium.

How do people do it? After lockdown I'm genuinely thinking of getting a cleaner. Does this make me inept?! I'm a very organised person normally so this is stressful! Is this normal or are we doing this all wrong?!

Forgot to add since DH wfh and lockdowns, like most people we are at home all the time so everything gets messy and dirtier quicker... iyswim.

I feel exactly the same, no matter how much I clean throughout the day the house still feels dirty and gets cluttered. I think the only way I could have a spotless house would be if I cleaned in every moment of free time I had but when you're a mum free time is precious. I imagine cleaning as you go and putting things back in the right place after each use helps but easier said than done sometimes with kids 🥴

I have a cleaner every fortnight but thats really to keep on top of the deep cleaning.
I hoover first thing downstairs. I also have a robot cleaner for the bedrooms and a hand held.
Clean loo after toddler has used it once a day. Clean basin later after changing babies nappy and on it goes like that. Just do a little job and somehow most of it gets done apart from putting the ironing away which always gets left.

I think less time meaning less cleaning is inevitable.

But keeping things tidy is a big part of the battle. A cluttered room takes ten times long to clean than a neat one.

Thinks which have helped me
A cleaner (we can’t have ours at the moment)
Lower your standards
TOMM method
Robot hoover
Decluttering.

Lower your standards (this is probably the main thing).

As there are 2 of you, while one of your is bathing the baby and putting them to bed, the other one spends up to half an hour running the hoover round/mopping the floor/doing a general tidy - picking whatever are the worst things. Then once baby in bed you can both sit down and have a rest.

@RedskyBynight ah that sounds ideal! Unfortunately DH is still at work at that time so it's just me. I do baby bedtime and once that's done it's all I can do to muster enough energy to make my dinner.

@Thatwentbadly what's the TOMM method in a nutshell please? I googled but it's trying to flog me a book to find out.

The Organised Mum Method really helps me. Although I do it slightly differently; 1) instead of the Friday Focus I include a day for the bathroom (I found the daily ‘keeping on top’ wasn’t happening so I’d rather have one full clean). 2) I made my own lists for each day that takes about an hour rather than her 30min lists.

Also decluttering and a home for everything. I don’t mind cleaning but I absolutely hate tidying, so the less stuff I have hanging around the better!

I tidy before the 'next part of the day', so tidy before lunch and before dinner. It helps that ivve organised the house so that all of the 'stuff' has a designated place, so I just spen 5 minutes chucking it back into its boxes. That means that it never gets gkk bad. I also give the kitchen/bathroom a wipe while I'm in there anyway, either waiting for the bath to run or kettle to boil. Little and often basically

@NextSlidePleaseWhitty www.theorganisedmum.blog/tomm
You don’t need to buy the book. The printables are quite handy, or you can make your own.

Hoover downstairs before you put the baby to bed, use dust pan and brush for crumbs or a dustbuster. Wipe surfaces as you go. Do laundry on set days that way you are not having to dry, pick up, fold and put away clothes everyday. I mop once a week, do the bedsheets once a week or fortnight. I dust once a week. I clean the shower as u get out and the loo every day, I do a deep clean of the bathroom once a week. By sticking to a cleaning schedule of sorts I am not putting myself under pressure or getting overwhelmed but my dh does his fair share too.

Also, we all eat together so I'm not cooking all of the time. So 3 meals a day rather than 3 adult meals and 3 baby meals.

If you can afford it, a cleaner. Even as a once off to do a deep clean so that what you’re having to do is maintenance. Also, dropping standards as much as you can without making yourself miserable. Babies / children do just make things messier and they really suck at cleaning.

I try to keep on top of things by (mostly) making sure all the toys are out away at the end of the day (the DCs have to do that), putting away dishes, wiping down counters and vacuuming every couple of days. Also decluttering and trying to have a place where you can shove stuff. We had all the toys in boxes on the floor and it looked awful, but then we got a bookshelf thing to put them on, and it looks much better, makes it easier to clean around and makes me happier.

There's an Organised Mum Facebook group and podcast (Team TOMM) as well as the free print outs, if you want to find out more without buying anything, that gives you a lot of help.

She talks a lot about just doing a bit each day and also advises about clutter reduction and the fact that it was overcleaning as a new mum that started her off with TOMM, so you might find it all helpful.

I bought her Organised Time technique book on kindle when it was 99p in January and it has been very helpful, even if I haven't fully been able to implement her suggestions yet.

Also on maternity, dh also working from home.

Routine helps. Ie bedding changed every Friday. That way on a Friday morning dh or I together quickly take ours and babies bedding off, fresh straight on, dirty in machine. It’s the same every Friday.

Other days also have routine:
Monday : clean bathroom
Tuesday: mop floors
Weds: kitchen deeper clean

Etc. Each thing on each day only takes around 20 mins. So I either do whilst baby naps, or dh takes over watching baby during his lunch break or before/after work, or dh does it.

We also bought a eufy robot hoover. Fab. It’s set to come on 7am every day, so that hoovers the majority of every day crumbs, dust, cat hair etc of the main floors downstairs. It hoovers whilst we are still upstairs asleep or getting ready

@NextSlidePleaseWhitty doesn’t your baby nap? Mine is 15 months and naps 1pm - 4.30 pm every afternoon.

It is so hard with a baby. Things you used to do so easily take so much longer. Plus lockdown when you are all in the house life is more chaotic at home.

It's great so many here have the energy and partner around to vacuum every day at bath time and clean the loo every day.

However I was like you OP and could quite easily fallen asleep in my dinner! Husband always got home just after bedtime

Don't worry about your place being meticulous. Lower your standards. The only person putting ppressure on you is...you. Keep on top of main bits, declutter and have a clean loo and sink. If you can tidy the kitchen up each night so every morning you arrrive in the kitchen to see an empty sink and clean and tidy worktops that really helps.

And most importantly focus on your 7 month old and not the housework. The baby years fly by. Cleaning can wait.

And yes, if you can afford it get a cleaner. I had one when kids were little and husband was away all the time and I was working. Made life so much easier.

Most new mums feel exactly like this. It is completely normal.

Good luck x

@MyDcAreMarvel - is op has a baby anything like mine then they might nap, but not a regular patterned.
1-4.30pm nap would be a dream! 1.30pm my 9 month old went to nap, he woke at 2.20pm! In those 50mins I threw some veg in oven to prep for dinner, peed, and spent 20 mins on hold trying to book him a doctors appointment. I also then just sat in silence 5 mins before he woke. He won’t nap again until 8pm bedtime

@MyDcAreMarvel wow, that's a long nap! No she naps very short but sleeps long at night. I'm trying to lengthen her day naps.

Good reminders about robo vac. Our Eufy has broken so I think I should replace it!

I don't do tidying or cleaning in the day, toddler DS would just make a mess again immediately anyway. I've learned to just accept the mess.

Instead I just tidy & clean (just wipe down) our open plan downstairs area immediately after dinner while DH supervises the kids (& DS "helps"). Then I put on the robot vac and we all go upstairs to put the kids to bed. I then mop when/if we come back down. This gives us a clean and tidy area to relax in the evening.

I give the bathroom a wipe whenever DS is in the bath (usually every other day).

Anything else (like laundry, cleaning upstairs, deep cleaning) is left to the weekend when DH can watch the kids and I can get on with it in peace.

Works for us!

If you can afford it, get a cleaner. No question.
I hate housework, it's never ending. Anything that takes some of the load off is fine.

I would just put up with lower standards until baby is a bit older. Maybe they start having one longer nap in the afternoon when they drop morning one, and you can actually get something done? (I have a 10 month old who only sleeps when she is in buggy on a walk so I get plenty of walking in but no house work!)

@NextSlidePleaseWhitty yes he dies sleep longer than my other children did but it’s his only nap. He sleeps 7pm -6.30am then just the one nap 1-4.30. I wake him at 4.30 or he would still sleep!
He won’t have a morning nap. It works well though to get things done.

*does!