Pls tell me where I'm going wrong with housework?

[NextSlidePleaseWhitty]

Please help me...I genuinely don't know if I'm awful at housekeeping or if I'm being too hard on myself.

I'm a first time mum to a 7 mo baby and on maternity leave. DH has been wfh since last March and we live in a small flat.

DH and I share many chores, but he has lower standards than me about overall cleanliness and tidiness, such as when to change sheets and so on. He's good at doing laundry, bins, recycling, washing up etc without prompting, but doesn't seem to notice clutter, dust, sticky surfaces, dirty floors and stuff like that, or doesn't care about it. Whereas I really notice and I hate it!

Since being heavily pregnant and subsequent baby I have struggled to get all the housework and cleaning done to anything like the level I used to. I do stuff with baby in tow during the day, but I only just about manage to keep on top of the day-today stuff like packing dishwasher, baby's laundry, sterilising bottles, baby's meals and washing up etc. Any other things like cleaning the bathroom or mopping the floors just gets left. I don't seem to find the time. At night when baby sleeps I'm exhausted and though I say to myself I'll tackle jobs then, when the time comes I just want my dinner, glass of wine and Netflix!

DH works really long hours into the evening but pops out of his wfh office to do bins, laundry etc. Still I'm looking around feeling overwhelmed by it all! There's crumbs and spillages all over the kitchen, the floor needs hoovering and mopping, toys everywhere, papers and clutter where it doesn't live, there's a massive pile of clean laundry to put away, and the bedsheets need changing, plus bathroom needs a good long clean. And don't get me started on more broader jobs like gardening, organising and tidying up paperwork or DIY. I think that will have till the next millennium.

How do people do it? After lockdown I'm genuinely thinking of getting a cleaner. Does this make me inept?! I'm a very organised person normally so this is stressful! Is this normal or are we doing this all wrong?!

What does he do at the weekends?

Also are you sure he is not hiding from chores by being at work?

And why is he not clearing up after himself as he goes along? Leaving crumbs and mess for you to sort out is not on.

The amount of laundry some people do is baffling to me. I only do 2 loads a week, although we do have a large 10kg machine.

The amount of laundry some people do is baffling to me. I only do 2 loads a week, although we do have a large 10kg machine.
Our machine is 8kg so 4 loads are just towels and bedding per week. But I also wash the door mats (another load) dog bedding, etc so that's 6 loads before I even start on the clothes. It soon adds up!

OP, I don't have any advice for you as my house was a tip when DS was that age. He was a catnapper too. But if it's any encouragement, it gets better! He's 15 months now and I definitely have more time to clean. Plus once they're walking you can involve them a bit. Mine does his own "hoovering" and "mopping" with the dustbuster and a spare mop while I'm doing the floors. Or he hands me items of clothing from the laundry basket to fold, etc. Obviously it's not that he's actually helping, just that he's occupied, so you can focus on cleaning without worrying what he's up to!
I also still clean the bathroom while he's in the bath - it's the only way I've ever managed to get it done!
Some of the other tips and schedules on here are great.

The amount of laundry some people do is baffling to me. I only do 2 loads a week, although we do have a large 10kg machine.

It's baffling to me that some people only do two loads of laundry a week 😆 Bedding and towels/bathmats for me, DH, and DS are one load each in themselves. I wear scrubs at work, so that's a third load. DS has to change his entire outfit at least daily because he's a toddler and gets mucky - a weeks worth of his clothes accounts for almost another full load, or two if we've been good about using cloth nappies, wipes etc. Then DH's and my clothes make another load. We do a load almost daily here 🤷🏼‍♀️

Everything has a place and everything in its place. This is my mantra. If everything has a home it’s EASY to be tidy and if you’re tidy then cleaning is a snap.

Have a de clutter. A big one. Be honest about what you’re keeping, and think about how you’re storing things. Hard back edition of little woman you received when you were 8- keep, paper back novel you got at the airport and have read- toss. Be ruthless.

Get good storage. Under my sink I have large/med/small plastic bins. The hold all the bottles and cloths and what not. Everything is in its place and it doesn’t get muddled and untidy. I have theses bins/baskets/trays all over to keep cupboards and drawers neat.

Clean as you go. DH makes lunch, then cleans the surfaces and puts all his makings away. Then eats, then just puts his dirty stuff in the dishwasher.

I vacuum downstairs at the end of everyday. We have a puppy who likes to shred tissues! I steam mop 2/3 times a week. This takes me 30 mins. Pod cast on in my ear buds. It’s quite nice!

We have a cleaner who we are paying but she isn’t coming! But hopefully she will return soon.

One thing I struggle with is unpacking the dishwasher. For some reason I hate doing it. I don't mind other chores. DH does it as often as he can, but sometimes he's working and it's full and I just stick dirty plates on the counter. I know that's bad but I haaate doing it!!

I'm feeling motivated reading these ideas and suggestions!

@AlwaysLatte thank you so much!! 🙌 Your list is amazing! You're putting me to shame as I can see from your room list your home is much bigger than mine (it has an upstairs), so you've got far more to do, and this makes it all look incredibly organised!

I'll start by working out what the core tasks actually are and go from there.

Dishwasher - we have started using the 1hr cycle mon-Friday. It’s prob not as eco, but works time wise right now. Now it goes on ever night after dinner so it’s on by 7pm. 7-8pm we are playing with ds and getting him ready for bed. So by 8pm I’m usually feeding/settling Ds to sleep and dishwasher finished, so dh comes down and empties dishwasher straight away, wipes any last bits and makes us a tea. So by the time Ds is fully asleep and we are free at 8.30pm all dishes clean and away already.

I have also started getting Ds to put his toys away together before every nap and before bed. He’s only 9months so dh or I do 99% but it’s a good routine, and he likes lobbing some in the basket. Again, means I’m not falling over them as soon as he’s asleep as already done

@NextSlidePleaseWhitty I'm not saying it's foolproof - if something unexpected happens things don't always get done, but at least you can look at whatever list you make and think there are one or two rooms, not a whole house to do - less daunting. My husband usually unloads the dishwasher while the kettle's boiling. Also putting a favourite uplifting song on Alexa and doing as much as you can while it plays makes a fun 5-min tidy,
But good sleep and looking after yourself as a new mum is key too.

Also if you make sure the DW is unloaded you can put dirty plates straight in and never leave them on the side.

I would continue to do as you are
Nothing is essential dishes, babies stuff and laundry
The rest can wait and why spend your early years worrying about the housework
Depends how fussy you are but relaxing and resting is more important your baby needs you as such not mopping floors every day.
Can't wait to read any ocd posts

Not helpful but I have just lowered my standards.....a lot.

I'm like you normally a bit of a clean freak and very organized but with a toddler, primary school child, a huge fluffy dog and fluffy cat and my dh who like yours is good a doing loads but does not have the same standards as me I have had no choice or I'd end up going mad.

Sod it op there is more to life. As long as its not a health hazard or dangerously cluttered your doing ok.

@NextSlidePleaseWhitty

One thing I struggle with is unpacking the dishwasher. For some reason I hate doing it. I don't mind other chores. DH does it as often as he can, but sometimes he's working and it's full and I just stick dirty plates on the counter. I know that's bad but I haaate doing it!!

I'm feeling motivated reading these ideas and suggestions!

Couldn't you stick them in the sink instead of on the counter? That never feels as bad to me because they're more out of sight.

I hate it when people put dirty dishes in the sink. Someone always runs a tap and then you have to fish them out of cold water with bits of food floating in it to go in the dishwasher. How is that helping? Just leave them on the side near the dishwasher if it's still got clean pots in it.

You sounds the same as me op. I have no tips my house is permanent tip. Only to declutter as much as possible and when changing bed sheet take them off straight away when you get out of bed otherwise it takes ages.

@newstart1234

You sounds the same as me op. I have no tips my house is permanent tip. Only to declutter as much as possible and when changing bed sheet take them off straight away when you get out of bed otherwise it takes ages.

I don't understand why this is quicker...

Me neither, if just is for me 🙂

Bedding straight off and new straight on is definitely better. No idea why but I used to dread going up to bed and thinking ‘f*ck’, now it’s 11pm, I’m knackered and the bed has no fresh sheets.
Now with baby sharing room that would wake if we started making bed at 11pm, the old off, new on and old straight in machine makes me feel super productive as it’s all done by breakfast.

I have a one year old and feel just like you op. I try to do some stuff with ds around and it’s cute (he’ll chase the vacuum or get in my dust pan - less cute). But it’s totally inefficient. My mum bought a play pen for him, to help me, but he doesn’t want to be in there unless I’m playing with him. He’ll play independently quite a bit now but with cooking it’s most noticeable that the time he plays isn’t the same as the time it takes to cook and we’re no longer talking fancy meals!
Most days he only naps 30mins so if I want a long nap I’ll try to resettle him on me and so nothing gets done. In the evening I whizz around tidying up the main areas but mostly my husband and I want to relax and watch a little tv. Ds wakes up every hour at the beginning of the evening so I’m not really finished with that either. So yeah. Totally with you there. If ds just reliably does at least one long nap 75ins nap a day, which he has done in the past, I can keep on top of stuff but right now naps are a struggle again.