What is on your ideal cheeseboard ?

[WildRosie]

Three 'firm' cheeses - Red Fox Red Leicester, Double Gloucester and Mature Cheddar. Two or three blues - Mature Blue Stilton and Shropshire Blue. Probably Yorkshire Blue as well. Butter if you want it. Water biscuits, sea salt crackers and digestive biscuits. Plus one or two dessert apples.

Drinks - Cabernet Sauvignon or Zinfandel, dry Chardonnay or vintage port.

A French triple cream
Smoked goat's cheese
White stilton with apricots
Bowland
Coverdale
Mature cheddar

Fig chutney
Sauerkraut
Mixed pickled vegetables
Grapes
Another fruit, probably pears
Salted almonds
Sourdough rye crackers with caraway seeds
Fresh wholemeal sourdough bread
Butter

This is not a balanced cheese board, this is my ideal cheeseboard :)

Stilton
Epoisses
Stinking Bishop
Brie de Meaux
Jarlsberg
Emmental
Gruyere
The Great British Cheese Co's Lime and Chilli Cheddar
Sweet white grapes
Sweet red grapes
Sliced sharp apple
Large glass of port on the side, no biscuits

Lots of cheeses I've not heard of before.

St. Agur (a strong blue)
Wensleydale with apricot

grapes

Jacobs crackers
round cornish wafers
thin round seedy crackers

anchor butter

cold glass of grape juice or lemonade or milk!

Ideally just a big chunk of one cheese, such as Roquefort or Bleu d'Affinois. Plain crackers that snap well, like the Peter something or other ones. Maybe a couple of figs or a few sticks of celery. A French red and some ruby port.

Probably loads of the above plus figs!

Chocolate (I hate cheese)

How could I forget Caerphilly?! And Wensleydale? Lancashire? Cheshire?

Really sharp cheddar, Cornish chruncher or similar
A gruyere
Something soft and goaty
Roquefort
Vacherin

Biscuits. Carr’s table water

Butter no need.

At the moment I love Coastal Bite, it's one of the Finest range at Tesco. It's a sharp cheddar with a crunch.

I also love President Creme. It's a Camembert that has a thin rind and is so melty without heating

This was my Christmas order and formed our cheeseboard
Delice de Bourgogne
Gorgonzola Dolce DOP
Quickes Extra Mature Cheddar
Lincolnshire Red
Comte AOC

Served with caramelised onion chutney, grapes, multigrain and hovis crackers. It lasted us a few days and we might repeat it at Easter.

Oxford Blue
Hafod Cheddar
Mouldy Mabel (a local blue)
Gorwydd Caerphilly
Goat's Cheese Log
Aged Gouda

Walnuts, Celery, Hovis Digestives
Port

Oh sweet baby! I love a cheese board.

I don't think I can improve on @lachy's offering! Sounds amazing! I would also have port.

Evidently I have limited tastes, but there's time to explore. I love how Shropshire and Stilton just get better as they get older and smellier and further beyond the use by date.

I'd also have some quince cheese (it's not cheese, if you didn't know!)

Davidstow chedder
Soft somerset brie
Windrush valley goats cheese
Boursin - the limited edition cranberry christmas one was divine
Red fox (red leicester)
Colliers cheddar

Cranberry sauce; chilli jam; water biscuits, matzos and celery.

And lovely jubbly glass of vintage port. Mmmmm.

Yum. Most of my friends have huge cheese boards at their big parties - 50th's. I like the side bits too: grapes, cherry tomatoes, figs, small pickled onions.

Tunworth - strong rinded soft cheese
A mature Stilton or other blue, I like all blues but prefer them strong.
Lancashire Bomb
A soft goats cheese
Snowdonia cheddar

High Baked Water biscuits
Digestives
Peter's Sourdough crackers

Red onion chutney
Homemade pickled onions

No fruit, celery etc.

Just water to drink.

A crunchy mature cheddar
A runny English goat’s cheese
Pie d’angloys
Blue d’affinois

Membrillo
Branston’s or similar
Celery and grapes

Charcoal biscuits

Port or Sherry

Cambozola
Blue castello
Black bomber cheddar
A nice aged stilton and/or blacksticks blue
Water biscuits
Oat cakes
Maybe some of those hard thin wheat or poppy seed crackers but nothing flaky or too fancy
Good red wine. Or sherry (amontillado or Palo cortado)
Then for maximum gluttony chocolate truffles

What a bad thread for first day of lent! I'm hungry now.

Some ace suggestions here - thanks all!
I would have:
Carr's Table Water
Carr's Melts
Ossau Eraty
Comte
Brie
Really good Parmesan
Chapel Down white
My best friend

A kilo of comte and a bottle of cold chablis.
Thats me sorted then

Some lovely crumbly vintage cheddar
Wensleydale with cranberries
Gorgonzola
A ripe Brie
Carr's cheese melts
Some mixed nuts
Dates
Crisp apple wedges
Red onion chutney

Is anyone else reading this and wondering if it would be inappropriate to have a chessboard for breakfast? Sans port obviously because I'm off booze for lent.

Cheeseboard ffs 😂😂😂. Yes, a chessboard probably would be inappropriate.