HAVE to declutter. Hoarding + busy + kids. No more excuses. HELP ME

[StopTouchingYourFairyGarden]

I am desperate for help with my house. It's quite a tall thin townhouse, and it is stuffed to the rafters with stuff, as is the garage.

I've just discovered I'm pregnant with a very surprise baby number 3 and it's given me the motivation to finally do something. We either need to sell and move somewhere that suits a larger family or make space in this house. Even if this pregnancy doesn't work out, it's like a flip has been switched. DC are 5 and 3 and wreck any efforts to tidy the house with toys, crumbs, half drunk cups of milk, muddy shoes, sticky hands, special stones and sticks everywhere, jumpers abandoned...

Example, we have 2 cupboards under the window in the family bathroom, both stuffed full. One is completely full of stuff we put there when we moved into the hours more than 6 years ago. Never touched. The other has around 30 or so unopened toiletry bags from DHs travels. Pre-covid he flew all over the world in business/first. He didn't always take a toiletry bag but often did and often didn't even seem to open it. WHY?!!! Old rubbish I can do - recycle or throw away but what on earth to do with other stuff? Where to start?

DH is from a long line of hoarders, I am from a long line of messy people. It's a match made in hell.

Help. Where to begin? Please share your decluttering stories of success...

PS do not mention the loft. Absolute nightmare up there

Pick a small area like a cupboard and just start. Get bin bags out. You'll feel much better.

Yes to the above. Set a time limit. Do a drawer in the kitchen a day (for example.) once you get going, it becomes addictive!

And just throw stuff in landfill? I feel terrible for the planet but I can't live like this any longer.

In good news we're on a spending standstill since Jan 1st (except birthdays) so haven't bought anything new and don't intend to. Not bringing another item into this house!

Have you tried read the Kondo book? It tells you write your vision of what you would like your life to be like before you start, then sort by categories in a particular order. So put all your tops on the bed, all of them the ones in suitcases and storage box or where ever else you put them and then go through them and decide which ones to keep. It involves more than that. I recommend you read the book.

Look at the Hygiene Bank
It’s a charity that collects toiletries for people who can’t afford them.

Get 2 bin bags, one for things to bin (like everything in the unopened-since-you-moved cupboard- it will all be out of date)
And a second bag for things that can be donated

Blitz it this morning and you’ll feel super human when it’s done

Put stuff on Facebook give it away sites or put in charity bags if someone else would genuinely want it. If not then bin it.

Un open toiletries bag might be of interest to a homeless charity.

Breathe. You’re not going to get this done all in one.
Where’s your worst, most inconvenient bit of clutter, the one that bothers you every day? Start there.
Get every thing out of that space, only that space, clean it.
Now look at the stuff you have removed. Return the essential things (like toothbrushes in the bathroom or everyday shoes in the hall).

Everything else needs to go either, out in a bin bag or charity bag if you have space for one, or somewhere else tidy if you definitely need to keep it.
He will argue, but a toiletry bag that hasn’t been touched in six years probably needs to go in the bin.

I would spend a little time watching videos/ looking at websites ( I like unfuck your habitat). I find it keeps me motivated.

I'll join you.
I'll try anyway!
Clutter everywhere and does seem overwhelming. My DH hoards as well and also keeps ordering stuff! [Then piling up boxes]. Our house is small.
Want to sort out so nicer environment to live in and also to be better role model to my children who are picking up our poor habits.
Would also be nice to have a house where visiters could come [when we are allowed] and for me not to be embarrassed.

Can you sell stuff on eBay or marketplace? When I started to declutter my house I found that was a good incentive!
I am terrible for thinking ‘I’ll need it one day or it could be useful’ and to be fair it often is but I think you have to say to your self sometimes that you are going to throw it away to help yourself and not worry about whether it’s still usable or not.
Also I now have baskets on the wardrobe shelves which really helps as I’ll never stick to folding them kondo style but at least they are all in the right place.

You need 2 bin bags. One for rubbish and one for charity.
Allocate yourself an hour a day in a room til it’s done. That way it’s not so overwhelming.
Play some loud music and just get on with it. Don’t think about it too much.

Ok thanks - appreciate all these ideas!

I think I just need to get on and start. It's still early and if I started now I could have done something by lunchtime.

I'll have a look at the Kondo book. It is partly a mindset that DH and I struggle to break. We keep things for good, or in case they might be useful, or because we're sentimentally attached to something absolutely random (reminds us of a holiday or whatever) but you have to draw a line somewhere.

We were similar. Had loads of stuff. There were cupboards of stuff I never opened.

I decided to become ruthless. We just don't need all this crap.

Think about what you do need and will use more or less daily. Then there are seasonal stuff (camping gear, Xmas tree etc) that you use every year.

There should be a small box of memories - photos etc

I now live in a really spacious decluttered house. It's really easily to keep clean as there isn't stuff everywhere. It only holds stuff I use regularly. I even got rid of saucepans. I now have only 3 and one frying pan. Same for tupperwear boxes, drinks bottles etc. I didn't save spares of anything - if something broke, I would just purchase 1 replacement.

I even got rid of children's old school books, expensive gifts I never used - it all got sold/recycled/donated.

I love the simplicity of my house now

It will take a while but as the saying goes: start by starting.

I would pick a high impact area to declutter first so you see a positive impact. Sorting out the 2 cupboards in the family bathroom won’t be noticeable.

We’re still decluttering after moving house a year ago. I book a slot at the council dump about every two weeks and take a car load each time. It’s easy to recycle most things there so I don’t feel bad about binning them, which removes a psychological barrier to decluttering.

Why not use up what ever stuff that you can. The toiltries can be used up instead of buying them for a while.

Donate or pass on to others stuff you dont want or use.

Thank you all again. This is incredibly motivating! I feel overwhelmed, thank you.

I'm going to go and make a start. Thinking about the hallway as it is jammed with stuff and is a very high traffic area.

And yes we have spares/multiples of everything. Absolutely everything! I don't know why

Been there. You have to get passed the sunk cost fallacy. If it cost money but you don't use it now, try and sell it . If it's not sellable be ruthless. If you know there is no confidential paperwork or documents in a pile of bags etc just chuck them out. Yes, it may go to landfill but you haven't used it, don't need it and it can't be donated. Cupboard at a time. It'll be exhilarating when you get an area clean. I did 8 bin bags before Christmas. More to go but I've started. On a serious note, I have had to come to terms with my hoarding tendencies. Keeping areas clean of stuff requires having less stuff for me. Psychology comes into play for some of us so don't give yourself a hard time as you may be talking about trying to change the habits of a lifetime

I like the 'throw out if you haven't used for a year without good reason" approach. (Good reason might be eg not used the lilo as not been on a beach holiday but will if we do). Clearly right now you'll gave to imagine thus is February 2020!

I also find that taking photos of some treasured things was a sufficient souvenir of sentimental souvenirs and I could this away the objects (eg DS's baby drinking bottles - he's 36 y/o now so he won't need them again!)

I was also reluctant to throw things out because it seemed like a waste of the money I'd spent buying them. But I realised that the money had gone anyway, whether the item was gathering dust in a cupboard or in landfill.

I understand how overwhelming it all is. Would a friend in your bubble help? I find it really helps to have someone with you.

I would ask DH to take the children out on their scooters or bikes for the morning and make a start.

I understand what you mean about it feeling wasteful but all this is ruining your life and costing your money because at the moment you are paying for really expensive storage.

I put some things on Facebook Marketplace for free, threw out the rubbish and gave away other stuff. I hired 3 skips because the last owner left lots of junk in the garage. Its expensive but worth it.

We now live in an apartment and haven't got room for loads of stuff.

Food banks would like unopened toiletries. Charity shops for clothing.

You can do this!

I think if you haven't needed/used an item for 12 months you don't need it.

Look out for those school collection events where you can get rid of clothes and other stuff & the school gets money for it all.

There are charities which take unused toiletries.

Sell stuff on Facebook or just give away. In our village last lockdown lots of people gave stuff away free.

I read somewhere that you can post items to St Peters Hospice as shops are shut.

Just do one area at a time. Maybe you need to get someone in to help? Local to me there are people who help with decluttering.

OP, this thread might be what you need to keep the momentum going

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/4144854-Decluttering-one-item-a-day-and-having-nowhere-to-put-it-thread-number-16?msgid=104625671

Don’t just stand and stare at the hall if you’re starting there, pick one particular corner or cupboard and so that. You have to be able to see what you’ve achieved to start with!!

I’m doing a challenge I saw on IG that might motivate you - decluttering 2021 things in 2021. I just list items in the notes section of my phone as I go, so nothing fancy. Don’t include things that you’d normally
Bin like empty bread wrappers etc but stuff you’re actively decluttering.

@StopTouchingYourFairyGarden I’ve amassed an impressive collection of airline toiletry bags. I could come home from one trip with 4 new bags!

You can look at giving newer ones to charity (the little tubes of moisturizer will deteriorate over time).

I now (well in the old days when I travelled pre-2020!) empty the bags of their contents immediately. Depending on the size and quality of the little bags, I use them for laptop wires and chargers, storing kids’ toys (e.g. a few toy cars on a day out). I have kept the great ones, like the old British Airways ones which are draw-string bags (travel shoe bags, store kids’ headphones, travel iPad cover) and a lovely China Airlines The North Face branded one. But any that are small pleather pouches get chucked.

I also have kept a couple (not all) of toothbrush sets in case a house guest forgets theirs. They are in a drawer in the bathroom.

@StopTouchingYourFairyGarden lots of great ideas on here. Sympathies I felt very similar when we last moved I thought I had decluttered a lot before the packing guys came. When we unpacked kitchen stuff found two boxes of stuff that must have been in the very back of cupboards but needed none of it. I had truly forgotten we owned it! and the boxes went straight to the charity shop.
Come and join us on a very supportive thread in housekeeping “ decluttering one item a day!” - think its up to thread 16 now

Don’t feel guilty about throwing stuff away. At the moment it is very difficult to give stuff to charity and that might stay the case for months to come. And you can’t use up 6 year old toiletries - they will have gone off. The damage is already done - they were created, they were wasted - just let it go.

That cupboard full of stuff you haven’t used in six years is a great starting point. You don’t need to think about any of that. Just get a bin liner and throw the whole lot away. You’ll find it’s addictive once you get started.