HAVE to declutter. Hoarding + busy + kids. No more excuses. HELP ME

[StopTouchingYourFairyGarden]

I am desperate for help with my house. It's quite a tall thin townhouse, and it is stuffed to the rafters with stuff, as is the garage.

I've just discovered I'm pregnant with a very surprise baby number 3 and it's given me the motivation to finally do something. We either need to sell and move somewhere that suits a larger family or make space in this house. Even if this pregnancy doesn't work out, it's like a flip has been switched. DC are 5 and 3 and wreck any efforts to tidy the house with toys, crumbs, half drunk cups of milk, muddy shoes, sticky hands, special stones and sticks everywhere, jumpers abandoned...

Example, we have 2 cupboards under the window in the family bathroom, both stuffed full. One is completely full of stuff we put there when we moved into the hours more than 6 years ago. Never touched. The other has around 30 or so unopened toiletry bags from DHs travels. Pre-covid he flew all over the world in business/first. He didn't always take a toiletry bag but often did and often didn't even seem to open it. WHY?!!! Old rubbish I can do - recycle or throw away but what on earth to do with other stuff? Where to start?

DH is from a long line of hoarders, I am from a long line of messy people. It's a match made in hell.

Help. Where to begin? Please share your decluttering stories of success...

PS do not mention the loft. Absolute nightmare up there

Hi 0P, I haven't got time to read the entire thread, so apologise if this has already been suggested. When it comes to decluttering a room, I think it's quite good to use the clockwise method. Go into your first chosen the room. And work your way clockwise around the room. When you have to stop because you are too tired, all you have to do something else, you will be able to pick up from where you left off. Work steadily through all the rooms doing that, but make sure you keep going back to the rooms you have already done and nipping anything in the bud that's beginning to start. Get the family involved, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Obviously try and avoid throwing Stuff into landfill, and recycle what you. Can.

You can empty old bottles of lotion et cetera out. Anything unopened in the bathroom donate to the food bank. You can do it!

@AlwaysLatte

Also I think it might help to think of eg a cupboard that needs clearing, not a 'whole house' which would be overwhelming. Pick the bathroom cupboard, take everything out, clean it and only put back what you actually use (not what you might use!) then bag up unopened toiletries and donate - empty the rest and recycle. Then move on to another cupboard. If you deal with the cupboards first then when you tackle everything else you'll have some storage available. And keep like with like!

I do something similar to @AlwaysLatte

I have a little list on my iPhone notes. Am going room to room, drawer by drawer, corner by corner. So each day I only commit to decluttering and cleaning that one tiny space and note in on my list. I got the idea from the 365 organize podcast which I like. They have the idea of spending 100 days decluttering your house area by area, very gradually. Then repeat and have at least 3-4 goes. I do my own version of that and find it strangely satisfying decluttering a tiny area each day

Used to be a massive clutterbug, much improved now!

What really helped was Marie Kondo. Start with books and clothes.

For things like the toiletries I'd do a first pass where anything grim and out of date gets thrown out. After that throw away all the things you don't like. And after that try and estimate how much you'll use up in a year and get rid of any surplus.

The other thing is, other than the things that you can recycle...

NOT SENDING IT TO LANDFILL NOW IS NOT GOING TO STOP IT GOING TO LANDFILL!

Ahem... sorry for shouting. The only things that’s going to stop items going to landfill is not buying them in the first place.

Clearing space now will (hopefully) change your mindset and prevent future —landfill— purchases.

We've been clearing the garage and cupboards over the last few months. One room per weekend.
I've found putting stuff on Facebook works well.
If you do a post with photos of a few items - saying you're going to the tip tomorrow if no-one wants it. You can do a doorstep handover with no contact and its all safe.

For the rest - the tip will be recycling a lot of the stuff you take there. It's not going to landfill if you sort it before you go. They usually have an area for 'goods for re-use' which will go to a charity shop.

Icollectclothes is an online organisation that will pick up bags of clothing they're very efficient send emails with a 2 hour time slot and give a donation to a charity you can pick from a few options. You just leave the bags outside. I found them very good. I know that's only for clothes but at least it's a start

Something that has helped me get rid of clothes is a "quarantine" for clothes that I might get rid of but am not sure .. I put them in the "quarantine" bag and hide it away and if I don't go and get the item out and wear it, that means I can then bring myself to donate it to charity or bin after a while.

@CatsAndDogsAndHorses

The other thing is, other than the things that you can recycle...

NOT SENDING IT TO LANDFILL NOW IS NOT GOING TO STOP IT GOING TO LANDFILL!

Ahem... sorry for shouting. The only things that’s going to stop items going to landfill is not buying them in the first place.

Clearing space now will (hopefully) change your mindset and prevent future —landfill— purchases.

That's not entirely fair. If, for example, OP finds 2 good quality children's coats in the clear out and passes them on to a friend who was going to buy some, that decreases demand and it's these types of actions that over time reduce demand for over-production. Yes, sure on the non necessities, but there's no need to shout at someone who's trying.

I feel like this might resonate with you -

www.aslobcomesclean.com/my-methods/

Very practical advice on how to declutter without making a bigger mess, the ‘container concept’ (don’t keep anything that doesn’t fit in the container e.g. cupboard/box/shelf) and lots of mindset stuff on why it’s not easy for everyone!

Toiletries won't have gone off in a year or two, they'll be absolutely fine.

If you have the time/energy, they sell well on ebay. If you don't want to list individually, put them all as a job lot. I can see that someone has recently paid £75 plus postage for a batch of ten BA First bags.

For things you have multiples of, pick the best one or two and get rid of the rest. Freecycle or give away on FB marketplace if you can, but I agree with letting go of the guilt about things going to landfill, just vow that, from today, nothing excessive comes into the house. In any case, many places don't even have landfills any more. The council in my city incinerates all its non recyclable waste in an energy conversion plant. Plus a lot of 'stuff' isn't always reusable, sometimes it's a bit worn out, crappy, knackered etc.

For small cheap bitty things, either store in some sort of small multi drawer solution, or get rid of a lot of them if you can't think when you'll use it again. Chances are you won't be able to find the thing if you need it again and if you do, you'll be able to replace it cheaply in a day or two. I know there's the guilt about possible waste, but you can't keep every random item 'just in case'.

I like the vase idea. I have one on my kitchen windowsill. Sometimes it has flowers in, but currently it's full of pine cones, conkers, pebbles and holly leaves that I've picked up over the last few months.

Maybe give each DC a vase and let them keep things in it. and when it gets full, they have to get rid of a few things. If you have a garden, pebbles and sticks can just go out there. The 3 YO is unlikely to notice anyway.

Perhaps also give them a memory box each for sentimental things. Shoe box size, live in their wardrobe or under the bed, won't impact the rest of the house.

Can you restrict food and drink to the kitchen/dining table and muddy shoes to the hallway/somewhere near the door?

Can you also ask DH to take the DC on regular extended trips to the park so you have uninterrupted time as much as possible to get cracking.

Both do an hour or two a day in the evenings together? Do you work or are SAHM? Does DH have unused holiday that he can take to commit some time to the project?

Is he willing to change or is he going to be resistant and insist on keeping everything 'that might come in handy'?

Can you get a shed to store some things that are genuinely needed, just not right now?

You have my sympathies. With small kids that was peak clutter for me and I still haven't completely beaten it. But with all the different sets of clothes sizes and all those toys... And, no time whatsoever.

So treat yourself kindly over this decluttering.

You have permission to throw things in the bin (landfill). It's a kindness to yourself and your family. I know for myself that with very small kids around, deciding to throw it out is the easier bit. Getting rid of it ethically, with small kids in tow, takes much more time and often in my case meant that it stayed in the house.

So much good advice on here..I hope it went well yesterday. As you have two young DC and one on the way - congratulations - maybe you don't have much time for decluttering? If that is the case, I would consider trying Fkylady method which is 15 mins 4 x per week decluttering in each zone. It will take longer but you could always do more if/when you have time. 15 mins isn't overwhelming. The thing I read said expect to do a 'banker's box' of clutter in 15 minutes. Set a timer - that really helps me to focus. Good luck. Once you see progress, that will spur you on. Visualise the end result. I use Flylady/Tomm combo to try and avoid getting back into a cluttered state. Very easy to do.

Meant very easy to get back into clutter if that wasn't clear! Flylady suggests doing a 2 minute 'hot spot' clear every day and/or clutter checks. The terms are a bit annoying but it does help to do it. Also, focus on progress, not perfection. There I'd a TOMM Facebook group which is really supportive too.

Just do random bits at a time. I’m doing one small space every time that I have a spare 20 minutes. For larger ‘categories’ I’m planning to do them when I have a weekend day. It’s a great lockdown activity.

For example yesterday I sorted all my wardrobes and clothes and all my kids cloths (three kids). It took the whole day. But earlier in the day I did one little kitchen cupboard while I was milling around in the kitchen - that only took about 5 mins.

My house isn’t particularly cluttered which makes it harder because most of the stuff is actually regularly used but you can always find something to chuck / recycle / give to charity.

Have you got Netflix? I got my 5yo yo watch some of the Marie Kondo shoes and he totally 'got' it. He declutter S his own toys now when I ask him and helps with general efforys (bagging things up for recycling).

I can officially say MNers are amazing - thank you all for the encouragement and good ideas on the thread yesterday. DH and I got started and let the kids lie in front of the TV for much of the day but we got a really good start. DH got on board. He's been a real hoarder and he's massively untidy but as he gets older I think he's begun to recognise that in himself and wants to change.

I've been in touch with a local charity about toiletries and they've said they'll take them so I'll get that sorted. We got rid of a lot of rubbish yesterday and DH went to the tip with it (you can go with an appointment here).

He organised the loft so that there's more space and I put some toys up there that aren't getting played with. I would have gotten rid of them but with number 3 hopefully arriving later this year I'll just store the good baby/toddler stuff. We actually don't have loads as I've given it to family.

It was hard getting started but after a while I was in the zone and thinking back to all your words and tips. I obviously can't do a repeat of yesterday every day so will set myself goals - either a set amount of time or an area and try my best to keep it up.

Thank you all again. If we manage to sell the house later this year it will be because of your help.

Also, don't underestimate the power of doing a bit little and often.

If you 'don't know where to start', it's easy to just look at it all, frozen with fear for weeks, if not months at a time. But if you start small and just do a bit each day, all those bits add up, and after a while you'll start to see results, especially if you stick to your 'buy nothing' regime.

Sounds great. Good luck with the baby. I suppose one great motivator is that, if you do decide to move, you don't want to have to box up and move all the stuff that you don't really need, do you?

The Organised Mum stuff is really helpful. She has a 'clutter buster' section on her website, plus a new podcast with daily thoughts, motivational ideas and encouragement.

Just make a start - have 4 piles:
Give away - local facebook page can be useful
Sell (but if you haven't sold in 3 weeks chuck it)
Recyle
Chuck.

Do a bit everyday and you'll soon get through it. Be ruthless. I did this and honestly it's been amazing because I can easily clean.

come and join us on this thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/a4144854-Decluttering-one-item-a-day-and-having-nowhere-to-put-it-thread-number-16?msgid=104691531#104691531

lots of help encouaragement and advise here.

I have found my people! I have only ONE room to do. Bloody hell it is hard! I have culled loads of clothes and shoes and there are still plenty more. I get the "if you haven't worn it in the last 6 months/year" thing BUT I do have some special occasion stuff - black coat for funerals, dressy dresses for the odd occasion. I get that I could buy another black coat to wear instead but I know when that time comes it won't be right, won't be like my old one!

I did not realise how sentimental I am about stuff! Stuff from my Grandma/mum/aunt. I must let some go!!!

I have packed stuff ready for a move but there are more boxes than the average house move!!! I have to go over them all again!

Photograph the areas before and after you have cleared them then you can see how much better things look.
If things start to slip again the photos will show the change and you will know that you can sort it out and get back to where you want to be

I think you've been given really good decluttering advice, but I think your DC are old enough to help keep the house tidy.

DS is 3.5 and we are encouraging him to put his plate/glass in the sink, he helps put washing in the machine and has to tidy up his toys before bed. For each task he gets a sticker, and ten stickers on the chart gets a small reward- magazine, sticker book etc.

Lockdown has shown me what tots he plays with and as soon as he's back at nursery after half term I'm going to do a cull.

I did exactly the same thing a few years ago - Operation Unfuck my Habitat, spurred on by MN.

It's not perfect now but things have been so much better since then.

Go Go Go OP!