HAVE to declutter. Hoarding + busy + kids. No more excuses. HELP ME

[StopTouchingYourFairyGarden]

I am desperate for help with my house. It's quite a tall thin townhouse, and it is stuffed to the rafters with stuff, as is the garage.

I've just discovered I'm pregnant with a very surprise baby number 3 and it's given me the motivation to finally do something. We either need to sell and move somewhere that suits a larger family or make space in this house. Even if this pregnancy doesn't work out, it's like a flip has been switched. DC are 5 and 3 and wreck any efforts to tidy the house with toys, crumbs, half drunk cups of milk, muddy shoes, sticky hands, special stones and sticks everywhere, jumpers abandoned...

Example, we have 2 cupboards under the window in the family bathroom, both stuffed full. One is completely full of stuff we put there when we moved into the hours more than 6 years ago. Never touched. The other has around 30 or so unopened toiletry bags from DHs travels. Pre-covid he flew all over the world in business/first. He didn't always take a toiletry bag but often did and often didn't even seem to open it. WHY?!!! Old rubbish I can do - recycle or throw away but what on earth to do with other stuff? Where to start?

DH is from a long line of hoarders, I am from a long line of messy people. It's a match made in hell.

Help. Where to begin? Please share your decluttering stories of success...

PS do not mention the loft. Absolute nightmare up there

My tip is to start throwing out on bin day. Don't do too much the first time (unless you have a dump open near you - ours you have to book a slot two weeks' ahead 🙄). And just focus on the really ick stuff that really is crap - not for recycling or for charity or for eBay. Getting rid of scunge is in itself cathartic and not too overwhelming or exhausting. The binmen come and you get instant gratification.

You won't get rid of all the scunge on one day probably. So take a couple of binmen days for it. And only then move on to the rest. By then charity shops might be closer to reopening. I find ebay is mostly a distraction and means you keep things clogging up your house in a 'to sell' pile when they are unlikely to do so. Unless you have things like unused or very soughtafter perfume or aftershave, or handbags, prices are pretty poor for most things and queuing at the post office to send off a top that sold for £2.69 is quite irritating. And in the meantime you have lost momentum. Give to charity and feel the virtue. They will get more for the item probably.

When my poor MIL died (like your DH a big traveller) we had to get rid of upwards of 40 airline soapbags in various states of use plus around 50 hotel sewing kits.

May I recommend www.flylady.net as a really good place to start? She turned my life around.
Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy

Toiletries bags are a good start- don't throw them, don't open them, homeless shelters will be REALLY grateful. Had to do the same with about the same number via my parents.

Accept that in covid times, if you do a big clear out you'll have to either throw things away or give them away free. It will take too long to sell things one by one, unless they're high value.

Kondo is a good start, I found, or FlyLady and The Organised Mum have decluttering bootcamp.

1. Things in good nick - like the toiletries bags, excellent condition outgrown kids clothes etc, bag up and contact baby banks/shelters if suitable, otherwise list for free as a bundle on Olio or Gumtree (on gumtree select as category 'freebies'), tell them they have to take it as one bundle, and watch them fly out the door (in hours, gotten). Yes, it's not via a charity, but trust that people are in need right now, will appreciate it more than you do, and save it from the tip. Surprising things can go. Bundle though, so you don't spend days listing individually.

1. Do you have a local tip? Bundle up broken and unusable things and drop a load off there

1. DON'T keep things for 'just in case'. If you lose weight, you can get new clothes. If you don't knit or craft now, you're unlikely to start in the next decade, so stick old wools or crafting things on gumtree and loads of people might love them right now.

Once you have less, you'll be surprised how much easier it is to keep clean! Do a little at a time. If that cupboard has been full for 6 years, then even just doing that is a start.

And definitely get your kids involved! They can sort through nail polishes, check use by dates on cans, make pairs of the odd sock pile etc.

Set yourself a 30 day challenge with a small.list, you'll be impressed!

Paid a few hundred of pounds for someone to come over and do it with me. Expensive but worth every penny. It literally changed my life.

www.apdo.co.uk/find-an-organiser/

Definitely check out Marie kondo's book and she has stuff on YouTube too. Facebook marketplace and charity shops, baby banks etc. You'll feel so much better afterwards, and your kids can only be tidy in a tidy house x I remember once reading that children won't respect your house unless you respect it....good luck op! X

The toiletries bags are a great start (I'm assuming you mean those ones you get on airline's). Homeless shelters / charities or food banks. They can be donated quickly.

My method is to take a section of something; for example i sorted glassware a few weeks ago. Take it all out and put it together.

Now, rather than sorting the stuff I don't want, I put back the stuff I want to keep.

Then I tackle the unwanted stuff and sort into sell, donate or throw. I try to keep the throw pile to an absolute minimum.

I go through the house like this in separate sections: crockery, cutlery and knives etc, ornaments, clothes, toys, bedding and towels (I donated towels to animal rescue places) paperwork, Christmas decorations and other things in the loft.

It takes a while but I find it a methodical and organised way to get rid of things.

Join the decluttering group on here for great support but also listen to the free podcasts from the declutterhub.com. They give lots of tips and also discuss the reasons why we keep “stuff” which I found helpful. I realised I am one of the people who can’t deal with space and have to put something in it!

If you live somewhere with a fair bit of passing foot traffic, just putting a box of free stuff out in front of the house can be a good way to get rid of it. Pick an area, set a timer for 20 minutes and get going - it’s much more manageable to do chunks than to try and spend a whole day. You can do it!

We have the same problem and it’s an ongoing battle (feels quite impossible with two little ones). But...one of the best things I’ve read about the keeping things ‘just in case’ mentality is that approach is great if you have tons of storage and spares are organised. If not, you need to think about it in this way- could you afford to replace the original item if it broke? Are keeping spares ‘costing’ you good mental health? If yes to either of those- get rid of them! If you need a new one buy it when needed and in the meantime you’ll feel better for more space. Once it’s gone you probably won’t even think about it again.

The way I see it, you have choices.

Either start with a room and focus all your energy on that one space. Get it to where you want it to be. Yy to putting some stuff for the bin, some for free cycle, charity, whatever and some to find homes in different rooms. Keep that room spic and span as a reminder of how you really want to live.

Or you start with everything, but categorise. If it's broken, bin it. If it's never actually going to be needed, bin it.

I think decluttering also requires you to change some daily habits. Put the clean laundry away immediately. Do the dishes, immediately. Don't let day to day jobs build up, because it will mean you can't get to the decluttering.

It's a mixture of discipline, activity, ruthlessness and willingness to get rid of stuff that you have previously not got rid of because of the 'what if we will need it in the future'.

If there is stuff that you genuinely think you might need in the future, it needs a home.

DH used to always bring back his hotel toiletries and was in hotels every few weeks. We ended up with loads of toiletries and I gave them to a charity. I have sensitive skin and he likes his specific stuff so we were never going to use them.

Ring round charities currently not always taking stuff. On my road a few people have put decent stuff out saying free please take.

@StopTouchingYourFairyGarden

Ok thanks - appreciate all these ideas!

I think I just need to get on and start. It's still early and if I started now I could have done something by lunchtime.

I'll have a look at the Kondo book. It is partly a mindset that DH and I struggle to break. We keep things for good, or in case they might be useful, or because we're sentimentally attached to something absolutely random (reminds us of a holiday or whatever) but you have to draw a line somewhere.

Definitely read her book. It makes you thank objects before getting rid of them which is strange at first but it work.

Also look into the sunk coat fallacy, the money went and the impact on the environment happened when you bought the product. It’s already happened. Keeping the item won’t make that go away and if you have too much stuff you can’t find want you want and end up am having to buy it again anyway.

THROW IT ALL AWAY.

NOW.

Do not get caught in the trap of putting it to one side for charity, to sell etc. It will just end up never leaving. I speak from experience.

We moved house about 18 months ago and got rid of so much crap when we moved. CDs, DVDs and books all went. We both stream everything. Boxes that hadn't been opened in ten years went. Clothes that hadn't been worn since the kids were born went. We recycled as much as physically possible, but it all had to go one way or another and I wasn't taking it with me to the new house.

We were fortunate starting with a blank canvas. Everything had a home and a place. We literally have no storage in the new house. There is a tiny cupboard with the boiler in it under the stairs and a built in cupboard over the stairs in the small box room. That is it.

If there isn't storage space for something, I make space by getting rid of something else now. I've already had a couple of culls of the stuff we brought with us but haven't opened. If we've not used it yet, it's not needed. Out it goes.

Ohhhh this is my house too I really understand. We are in a small two bed with two children. DD6 and DS2 means we have every toy from all the age ranges toddler/crafts/vehicles/dolls/games the list goes on. Our kitchen is small and limited cupboards our bathroom is tiny the only floor space is the area the door swings open and there's not a space for a radiator so there's no heat in there!

I'm terrible for keeping things on the off chance they might be useful and our built in cupboards are stacked with old toys and bags for charity that will sit for years as I don't drive and can't get rid instantly.
Everyday I sort and tidy the toddler messes it up and I get nowhere 😩

I’ve been doing this since before Christmas but really started tackling it this year. I tend to pick one space a day. So yesterday was the stupid skinny pull out cupboard next to the oven. Decanted some duplicates of sauces into one bottle. Threw away the empties. Made space.

Tonight while the kids are in the bath I might do a drawer in the bathroom. Ditch all expired stuff. Etc.

I agree with starting with a high impact area but I’d also do the bathroom cabinets too. Given that you’ve mentioned them. Throw what is all expired. Charity what you don’t want. Use up the rest. I’ve got a set of stuff for using up in the bathroom before any new stuff gets opened.

How about getting a tall square glass vase and gradually filling it with the special
Stones, shells and the smaller sticks?

The toiletry bags sell really well on eBay- you will make a few quid.

With eBay wait for a £1 listing day- you then only pay £1 total in fees rather than around 10%

@AlwaysLatte

How about getting a tall square glass vase and gradually filling it with the special Stones, shells and the smaller sticks?

Love this. We have two in our living room. One for shells and sea glass and the other for pine cones. Ds loves a pine cone. 🙄

Also I think it might help to think of eg a cupboard that needs clearing, not a 'whole house' which would be overwhelming. Pick the bathroom cupboard, take everything out, clean it and only put back what you actually use (not what you might use!) then bag up unopened toiletries and donate - empty the rest and recycle. Then move on to another cupboard. If you deal with the cupboards first then when you tackle everything else you'll have some storage available. And keep like with like!

I like this part of the Marie Kondo method:

Gather all of one item together (ie all the stationery in you house). Check it all. Throw (recycle) the pens etc that don’t work. Sort through the paper/ notebooks. Then store (at least for now) it all in one place. Then one job is don’t for all rooms.

Repeat this for other types of clutter you have.

Gather all of your Tupperware, then do all of your mugs, then all or your plates/ pots and pans.

Working by category makes you see how much of something you have in one go.

Working room by room, you can still have too much overall and feel cluttered, but not know why.

Doing things by category was a game changer for me.

@StopTouchingYourFairyGarden

And just throw stuff in landfill? I feel terrible for the planet but I can't live like this any longer.

In good news we're on a spending standstill since Jan 1st (except birthdays) so haven't bought anything new and don't intend to. Not bringing another item into this house!

It doesn't have to go to landfill, I sort it into donate (to friends or a charity shop etc), sell (for stuff with tags still on that are brand new and a brand likely to sell), or recycle/chuck if it really isn't in a condition to be carried on using. I also have an optimistic upcycle pile, for stuff that could be fixed or painted and have a new lease of life.

I agree with starting with either one room or one area, and slowly working outwards. It's far too overwhelming in one go, and I just do a bit of time a day rather than days dedicated to it as that works best for me.

I also divided my toiletries:

1. Old and would never use: got rid

1. Not got round to using: I systematically worked my way through using them. Didn’t need to buy much for a while and saved money by not having to buy new stuff. I enjoyed getting through old bottles.

@StopTouchingYourFairyGarden is there any way i can have sone of the airline toiletry bags. I havent travelled in over 10 years and i would love them. Im happy to pay for shipping.

Doing the whole house in one go is too much, but doing one small category over the whole house isn’t (for me, at least, you might be different).

I used to go room by room, but I went round in circles.