If the Famous Five's antics had come to the ears of angry MNers.....

[sadpapercourtesan]

Timmy the dog would have been shot by a farmer, the fucker was NEVER on a lead and always chasing shit

They would all have been grossly obese/heading for T2 diabetes with all that ice cream and ginger cake and suchlike

Mother and Daddy would have had social services on the doorstep, letting kids that age gallivant about the countryside causing havoc and camping here there and everywhere

There would definitely have been multiple threads about George's gender identity and posters worried about the Tavistock getting their claws into her

Anne needs assertiveness training and the boys need to learn to fucking cook and make their own beds

Any more?

Fatty would be in a young offenders unit for taunting members of the police force, he treated Mr Goon like dirt.

Oh god yes, Fatty was a budding ASBO! Toad of a boy

This is why MN needs a “like” button.
Always thought uncle Quintan was a tad creepy.

Aunt Fanny and Uncle Dick would be under the remit of SS, luring children into the gay bedroom

Uncle Quentin would be diagnosed with ASD, Julian would be declared at risk from the far right, anyone sending their kids off to live 'like gypsies' for a summer would be turned over to social services.

“Angry MNers”?

@breatheslowandtrust

Fatty would be in a young offenders unit for taunting members of the police force, he treated Mr Goon like dirt.

True, but not a member of the famous five

It was supposed to be a joke @FamilyOfAliens I was poking fun, at Enid Blyton, at us as a community...no offence intended.

All the children are at absolute risk of child exploitation

MNer I realized just as I typed it that he was from the Five Find Outters.

I think widening the remit to other Enid Blyton is OK...one group of hoity-toity children is very much like another

DD and I have just started reading these, spot on!

@FamilyOfAliens

“Angry MNers”?

I seem to remember them going boating, wholly unsupervised.

@FamilyOfAliens

“Angry MNers”?

You said this ironically, right?

I can imagine one of those "Is this Packed Lunch OK?" threads :
"I've sent my DC off on a trip with a packed lunch, to share with friends, of course. What do you think of potted meat sandwiches (white bread cut into triangles, no crusts), chocolate biscuits, jelly & cream, a whole fruit cake, & lashings of ginger beer?"

Answers would include :
"That's far too much food for 4 children, a dog, & a random strange man wearing a mac & lurking behind a tree trunk!"
-"OMG, all that sugar!"
-"I suppose there's some fruit in the cake, but is it nut-free? Some of the children might have allergies."
-"White bread?! No wonder we have an obesity crisis!"
-"My child just won't eat that amount. I'm afraid you'll be getting a lot of waste brought home, probably mashed into the tartan picnic rug."
-"I suppose it's ok, but you should send water instead of a fizzy drink. If they must have sweet things then swap for a few carrot sticks, rice cakes, naice ham & pom bears for a treat."

All those boarding schools.. you know how popular those are on MN....

Making children sleep on beds of rug-covered gorse!
Allowing children orf in boats to sleep on uninhabited islands!
Banishing children during school hols to cycle 'down to Dorset'. Have they ever seen Bournemouth on a Saturday night (pre covid of course).
Discusting with a c.

"Uncle Quentin would be diagnosed with ASD"
There are theories out there that say Enid Blyton may have had such a thing. Her family members have said that her reactions to children being noisy/in the house at all and disturbing her, were very like how she would write Uncle Quentin's. Her routine was apparently to get up, get round feeding all the family animals and write 10-3.

There would almost certainly be a file on all the Five Find-Outers given their circumstantial involvement in suspicious cases in a small place including arson, vindictive anonymous letters, animals going missing...

@TheOrchidKiller

I can imagine one of those "Is this Packed Lunch OK?" threads : "I've sent my DC off on a trip with a packed lunch, to share with friends, of course. What do you think of potted meat sandwiches (white bread cut into triangles, no crusts), chocolate biscuits, jelly & cream, a whole fruit cake, & lashings of ginger beer?"

Answers would include :
"That's far too much food for 4 children, a dog, & a random strange man wearing a mac & lurking behind a tree trunk!"
-"OMG, all that sugar!"
-"I suppose there's some fruit in the cake, but is it nut-free? Some of the children might have allergies."
-"White bread?! No wonder we have an obesity crisis!"
-"My child just won't eat that amount. I'm afraid you'll be getting a lot of waste brought home, probably mashed into the tartan picnic rug."
-"I suppose it's ok, but you should send water instead of a fizzy drink. If they must have sweet things then swap for a few carrot sticks, rice cakes, naice ham & pom bears for a treat."

TARTAN picnic rug?! That is cultural appropriation😡

Aunt Fanny would be told to get her ducks in a row.

You should all read the Famous Five for Grown Ups series, they're hilarious, they can be found on Amazon by Bruno Vincent (I think)

Aunt Fanny and Uncle Quentin would be well advised to look at their interviewing technique. They keep employing criminals!

There would be utter uproar at how little Julian, Dick and Anne's parents see them. Boarding school and then most holidays sent to stay with Aunt Fanny and Uncle Quentin.

Fanny, Dick - it’s all subversive porny stuff if you ask me...!