Just read something-what do I do? Trigger warning - rape **title edited by MNHQ**

[randomstuff]

Just found a written note in my 16 year old DD’s bedroom basically saying she was plied with alcohol and raped. She has written down what she remembers about the incident. The letter was hidden inside a cushion. It sounds as though she knows the person and went to his house. I have no idea what to do.

To provide some context on our relationship, about 3 years ago she started to change, withdrew from the family, me especially. She doesn’t like me kissing or hugging her. She doesn’t want to spend time with me doing normal stuff DDs do with moms. She has been seeing CAMHS for a couple of years. She self harms and was diagnosed with emotional dysfunction a couple of weeks ago. ED is linked to trauma. My DD says she doesn’t know what her trauma was, she says the same to CAMHS. She sees CAMHS on her own (her choice) with me waiting outside the room.

What the hell do I do? The note was obviously not meant to be found or for me to read.

Hi all, I am waiting to hear back from a clinic regarding testing. DD mentioned the testing, she said she had called the clinic herself but panicked when they asked her name. It will be a relief to get through the testing and hopefully get negative results.

I have been reading up a lot about rape and I have come across a document, I am only partway through, but it has been invaluable: www.ilmpsychtesting.com/resources/cat/Rape. It is the document titled 'A parents guide to a daughter who has been raped'.

DD has a telephone appointment with CAMHS later this week, I am hoping she talks to them about the incident and confides in them so they can also help support her with this nightmare.

Going back in time, I have no idea what caused my DD to change from the age of 13 onwards, we have gone through assessments for Autism and ADHD and the diagnosis last week from CAMHS was Emotional Dysregulation. I am not going to lie, the thought of rape or a similar experience had crossed my mind before, it would definitely explain a lot. Maybe something like this has happened before and she blocked it out? I really don't know and DD has always said she doesn't know why she has been feeling like this for the past 3 years. The low moods, self-harm, withdrawal from me has all got worse over these three years. I don't know if the trauma could be from her childhood, I left her dad when she was 3 years old and he came back into her life when she was about 9/10.

Hi all, I’m after some more advice pls.

Just to update you, my DD has been tested for STD’s and we are waiting on the results. She also had a pregnancy test (just in case). I’m glad I suggested this as she did say she was scared she might be pregnant despite having regular periods. The negative test has put her mind (and mine) at rest about this.

We had a phone appointment with CAMHS today and updated them on everything. They will discuss as a team and let me know how they will now proceed, as prior to having any knowledge of the sexual abuse incident they had mentioned DBT for the recently diagnosed emotional dysfunction (diagnosis would have been BPD if she had been an adult). I have a feeling they may also diagnose PTSD or cPTSD now....

DD is having nightmares after the horrible traumatic experience and last night she made 4 toilet trips during the night. When we discussed this she said she felt sick and thinks it’s anxiety. I offered to sleep with her or sit with her throughout the night so she wouldn’t be scared but she doesn’t want me to. What can I do to help her get a good night sleep and stop the nightmares?

Just to add CAMHS are confident DDs childhood trauma is linked to me being a victim of domestic violence. Even though DD was 3 when I left the DV situation.

They also think it is linked to me re-marrying when DD was 7.

Hi @randomstuff

Just want to say how amazing you are. I went through a similar experience when I was younger but instead of hiding a letter I tried to talk to my mum and (she is lovely) she had a brush it off and get over it reaction.

I am still getting over it and I don't deal well when my boyfriends have been drunk around me because of it. I really struggle in that area as you don't want to be explaining the reason all the time. And it made my social circle very small early on in my life.

Now I journal each day before bed. Not necessarily linked to what happened to be but for general anxiety. Each evening I get my book and stationary out and decorate a page to reflect my feelings. It gets it all out of me and I enjoy being creative. I close the book and my feelings go away in that book and I go to bed with a clear headspace.

Just an idea of something that helped me. It won't work for everyone. I wish you both the best on your journey to recovery. It's a long one but with the right support it'll become something she can learn to manage.

Xxxx

Hi @Catworrier, thanks for your response .

I’m sorry to hear that you have been in a similar situation. It really is one of the worst things that can happen to someone.

I’m glad to hear you have found a coping mechanism . I will suggest the journal to DD. CAMHS also suggested she wrote notes on her phone. I prefer your suggestion as you can close the book at the end and put it away whereas a phone is always with you (especially when 16).