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Original poster

When did you get the “rush of love” with baby?

74 replies

flappityflippers1 · 06/02/2021 19:05

When did you first get the fabled “rush of love” when you had your baby?

For a bit of background context:

I am 31 weeks pregnant with baby 2. I have a 3yo DC who I adore, but didn’t get the rush of love with.

We had placenta issues at the end with stopped growth, induction for 26 hours then a crash section. When I came around from the GA and hubby brought him in I’d genuinely forgotten I was pregnant (felt like I was waking up from a great nap!) and wondered why the hell he was holding a baby! Felt no overwhelming love to DS and was frankly quite baffled by the whole thing (and absolutely off my head on morphine)

We then had endless breastfeeding issues, I got very sick (sepsis) which all but killed my supply, not realising this I kept feeding DS who then had massive weight loss at 3 weeks and ended up hospitalised. I then pumped around the clock to get supply back while supplementing with formula - only for him to scream incessantly, throw up feeds etc. Awful dietician advised the “mix of breastmilk and formula can do that sometimes” so at 6 weeks I gave up pumping and went fully formula. Then the screaming really kicked in, and at 10 weeks old a competent dietician diagnosed CMPA. A few weeks to find the right alternative for him, and once on neocate the symptoms started to lift.

He was 16 weeks old when I first recall feeling the rush of love and “holy cow you’re incredible” feeling. I often refer to it as a slow burn!

(To note, I always knew I loved him and was connected with him as the mama bear instinct was strong, but never that overwhelming love!)

I also have generalised anxiety disorder, and had pre and post natal anxiety and depression with DS. I have had pre natal anxiety and depression this time also, however didn’t mess about and went private for therapy which has helped enormously (had NHS therapy previously after DS and over the years)

So with baby 2, I am opting for elective section, and have a feeding plan that is very flexible and I’m happy with. I’m managing the anxiety and depression very well and have excellent support.

So... my question is!

When did you feel the much fabled rush of love? What type of birth did you have, and do you think that affected it?

I know my experience is going to be vastly different this time around, but wondering how many people feel it immediately, and not so much?

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 06/02/2021 19:07

I don't think I ever did. I mean I loved them from the off but I kept waiting for a 'rush of love ' it never happened. I was just dazed, confused and knackered!

Sausagessizzling · 06/02/2021 19:08

What a horrific time of it you had!
I can't remember exactly when I got my first rush but it def wasn't instant for me either.
I feel like I've fallen in love with my DD just like I fell in love with my DH, gradually.

NoAuthorityHereJackieWeaver · 06/02/2021 19:08

Six weeks with my first, luckily straight away with second.

I put it down to being more relaxed second time around and having a much better labour.

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Northernsoullover · 06/02/2021 19:10

Even now I don't feel any sort of love as such. Its only when one of them goes out and is late and the panic creeps in I feel it. If you know what I mean. Or if they got really sick when they were tiny. Its just a constant bond. I don't think I am explaining myself very well Grin. Please no one thing I don't care about them

Original poster
flappityflippers1 · 06/02/2021 19:11

@Sausagessizzling

What a horrific time of it you had! I can't remember exactly when I got my first rush but it def wasn't instant for me either. I feel like I've fallen in love with my DD just like I fell in love with my DH, gradually.
It wasn’t great 🙈

Yes that’s exactly how I’d describe it too actually - definitely gradual!

OP posts:
mindutopia · 06/02/2021 19:11

My first wasn’t well for the first few weeks and really struggled, so probably didn’t really feel like I loved her until she was about 8 weeks. 2nd one no real rush of love, but I certainly loved him more from straight after he was born because everything was just easier.

sausagerole · 06/02/2021 19:13

Don't think I ever have, I remember feeling that he was just a stranger to me at the beginning. I didn't dislike or resent him, I just didn't really 'know' him. He's grown on me though! Grin

Incrediblytired · 06/02/2021 19:13

Never had it and never expected to! Everyone told me I’d get it but I’m not a gushy emotional person at the best of times. It grew and grew stronger though and I definitely have all the love in the world for my child.

That said I only have one and I wouldn’t be surprised if I got it straightaway for the second. Because I know what the strength of love can be and I have felt and know the love for my own child. I think I’d be more attached in pregnancy too.

Original poster
flappityflippers1 · 06/02/2021 19:13

@Northernsoullover

Even now I don't feel any sort of love as such. Its only when one of them goes out and is late and the panic creeps in I feel it. If you know what I mean. Or if they got really sick when they were tiny. Its just a constant bond. I don't think I am explaining myself very well Grin. Please no one thing I don't care about them
No you are, I know exactly what you mean!
OP posts:
Lowhum · 06/02/2021 19:14

The moment DC2 was born. I didn’t have a rush of love for dc1, but just knew I loved her. I think this was because my first Labour was complicated and stressful, but the second was so much easier and I felt more relaxed.

SeeYouInAnotherLife · 06/02/2021 19:15

I didn’t really. I’m felt very protective of both of my babies but I have never experienced that huge rush of love some people describe - ether immediately after birth or later on. The love I felt sort of crept up on me instead.

Serena1977 · 06/02/2021 19:15

The morning after the first night at home so baby was 36 hours old by then. Before then I was a sleep deprived robot.

2nd baby it took a lot longer. Baby and I were poorly. Baby got better, then I got better the I was poorly again and in hospital when he was 6 weeks then 8 weeks, then I was poorly mentally. So I would say I loved him but the rush never came, it was a slow burn.

HavelockVetinari · 06/02/2021 19:15

I had an EMCS under general anaesthetic, I felt the rush of love about 12h after I came round. It was staggering, I couldn't believe how strongly I felt about this tiny, helpless creature.

DSis on the other hand took a few months to properly bond.

Neither way is abnormal. It's the luck of the draw, and doesn't even always happen to the same mother in subsequent pregnancies. Human bodies are weird.

NickMyLipple · 06/02/2021 19:15

Never. DD is 3 next month Grin

SeeYouInAnotherLife · 06/02/2021 19:16

FWIW, I had one easy and uncomplicated birth and one very traumatic one. Didn’t seem to make a difference either way to how I felt about them.

megletthesecond · 06/02/2021 19:17

Never did. I was just glad we were alive

MonkeyPuddle · 06/02/2021 19:37

DS1 never got a rush of love, it was gradual over a few weeks/months. I had him via section after a five day induction process that didn’t work, lovely calm section. I think the lack of bonding came because of the shitty awful relationship I was in.

DD I felt it straight away, emergency section, after 14hr back to back labour. Loved her as soon as I saw her.

Just be kind to yourself, the love will come no matter what.

Stinkywizzleteets · 06/02/2021 19:40

At 9 months with my first and 6 months with my second. It probably took you a while to fall in love with your partner, it can take a while to fall in love with your child. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love my children and I was certainly fiercely protective from before they were born, instinctively so but I needed my maternal instincts to calm a bit before the gushing love came.

Hardbackwriter · 06/02/2021 19:48

I did feel a huge, overwhelming rush of love the second he was born. I also had the biggest endorphin rushes I have ever felt, and felt like a superhero for about 6 hours and a high that lasted a few days. For what it's worth, since you asked, I had a vaginal birth with very minimal pain relief (gas and air but I was only given it for the last bit of pushing and couldn't work out the timing to actually breathe it in). But also for what it's worth, I don't think it made the slightest difference to long-term or even short-term bonding. I struggled a lot with the little baby stage, far more than a lot of women I know who didn't have that huge initial rush of love. In fact, looking back I was probably a bit depressed (or just not cut out for the newborn stage - I really like having a toddler now!). It didn't pave the way for it all being roses and bliss. It was a lovely feeling and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping a bit to get it again for DS2, due literally any day now - but I'm hoping much more to not hate the newborn stage as much this time round, and would happily trade the initial rush of love for that!

FightingTheFoo · 06/02/2021 19:54

@Northernsoullover

I don't think I ever did. I mean I loved them from the off but I kept waiting for a 'rush of love ' it never happened. I was just dazed, confused and knackered!
Same

I also feel like my love grows as I get to know him. He's 4 now.

Hardbackwriter · 06/02/2021 20:00

I also feel like the love grew over time. That initial rush felt very primal and overwhelming but in a way quite about me, whereas now I feel like the love is more 'real' because it feels much more rooted in my appreciation of what an amazing little person he is - that at first I loved 'my child' but now I love 'DS' for who he is if that makes sense?

VinylDetective · 06/02/2021 20:07

Three days. I held him and he nuzzled into the side of my neck. Whoooosh!

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 06/02/2021 20:07

For dc1, I knew that I had a huge responsibility towards this brand new person, and that I loved him, but the overwhelming love didn't kick in until he was 6m old. Horrific birth, bf difficulties, pnd.

Dc2 never had the overwhelming rush (much less traumatic birth, felt much more with-it afterwards), yet now I definitely feel the same towards each of them

Tal45 · 06/02/2021 20:12

Never felt it, DS felt like a stranger I had to get to know.

Gatekeeper · 06/02/2021 20:14

I never did with dd...too exhausted after 3 day labour with no sleep. with ds it was just after birth after a 9 hour labour. Love the bones of the pair of them though

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