When did you get the “rush of love” with baby?

[flappityflippers1]

When did you first get the fabled “rush of love” when you had your baby?

For a bit of background context:

I am 31 weeks pregnant with baby 2. I have a 3yo DC who I adore, but didn’t get the rush of love with.

We had placenta issues at the end with stopped growth, induction for 26 hours then a crash section. When I came around from the GA and hubby brought him in I’d genuinely forgotten I was pregnant (felt like I was waking up from a great nap!) and wondered why the hell he was holding a baby! Felt no overwhelming love to DS and was frankly quite baffled by the whole thing (and absolutely off my head on morphine)

We then had endless breastfeeding issues, I got very sick (sepsis) which all but killed my supply, not realising this I kept feeding DS who then had massive weight loss at 3 weeks and ended up hospitalised. I then pumped around the clock to get supply back while supplementing with formula - only for him to scream incessantly, throw up feeds etc. Awful dietician advised the “mix of breastmilk and formula can do that sometimes” so at 6 weeks I gave up pumping and went fully formula. Then the screaming really kicked in, and at 10 weeks old a competent dietician diagnosed CMPA. A few weeks to find the right alternative for him, and once on neocate the symptoms started to lift.

He was 16 weeks old when I first recall feeling the rush of love and “holy cow you’re incredible” feeling. I often refer to it as a slow burn!

(To note, I always knew I loved him and was connected with him as the mama bear instinct was strong, but never that overwhelming love!)

I also have generalised anxiety disorder, and had pre and post natal anxiety and depression with DS. I have had pre natal anxiety and depression this time also, however didn’t mess about and went private for therapy which has helped enormously (had NHS therapy previously after DS and over the years)

So with baby 2, I am opting for elective section, and have a feeding plan that is very flexible and I’m happy with. I’m managing the anxiety and depression very well and have excellent support.

So... my question is!

When did you feel the much fabled rush of love? What type of birth did you have, and do you think that affected it?

I know my experience is going to be vastly different this time around, but wondering how many people feel it immediately, and not so much?

I wouldn't describe it as a rush of love. I felt more like - oh it's you!

Week 6 with my first baby. I didn't get it at all with my second I assumed was due to PND. But my love for her was fierce even though it felt to me as though I was minding her for someone.

Every morning when I woke up to see her beside me. Must have started at about three days (I definitely loved her before that, and said so ('Don't take her away, I love her', an hour or so after she was born). Went on for years. Actually, it might still happen and she is an adult.

@Hardbackwriter that’s really interesting, thank you for your sharing ❤️

I hated the baby stage also, love having a toddler though!

Never here..PND realisation of my poor life decisions too, it was probably years before I felt anything and then it was a gradual thing. I was am very sceptical of the whole cult of the love of motherhood. Sleep deprivation is used as torture, yet you are supposed to feel a rush of love towards the source of torture.
You may gather I didn't have a good time ..

Straight away, with both of them.
DS is now 12, difficult labour, theatre, forceps, shoulder stuck and he was 10lbs. They put him on my chest and I was just overwhelmed with love, I was inconsolable that this little (huge) being was here and mine 💙

Dd is 18 months EMCS as the cord was around her neck, they put her on my chest and she started suckling on my cheek, again this overwhelming rush of love washed over me 💗

They drive me to distraction, but wouldn't change a thing 💗💙

This person who explained it as a constant bond - that’s how it feels to me. I never felt this ‘rush of love’ people talk about. This thread has made me feel more normal though!

The second the surgeon held him up (I had a c section last week).

I'm not convinced it's a good thing though... obviously I'm glad I love my baby but the feeling is so overwhelming that I can't stop crying and my anxiety is through the roof. The fear that something bad will happen to him is more powerful and invasive than anything I have ever experienced before.

When did you feel the much fabled rush of love?

Never did really. But about four or five months in, I remember looking, smiling and thinking I do love you, you're so cute etc.

Before this, everyone kept saying "aw, I bet you can't remember life before her/imagine it without her now". And that felt so stupid to me. I kept thinking, yes I can remember it very clearly.

What type of birth did you have, and do you think that affected it?

Natural, no painkillers. Perhaps not traumatising in the sense that I didn't need emergency surgery and neither of us nearly died but I struggled to come to terms with what happened and how it happened. Very quick, I was in a lot of shock after for a while, i think. Plus I felt totally ignored and I didn't feel listened to, i didn't feel heard when I tried to communicate. I felt like they wanted me in and out, done and gone. I still carry a lot of anger a year on.

So yes, I think that probably did have something to do with it.

Never did, were we supposed to?! Another parenting fail.

"Don't think I ever have, I remember feeling that he was just a stranger to me at the beginning. I didn't dislike or resent him, I just didn't really 'know' him. He's grown on me though!"

Exactly how I felt. Like l, why am I taking this baby back with me?

I didn't connect that she just came out, was mine.

I think even when I got home she didn't feel like mine for ages. I remember doing something like wiping her face and almost thinking "is this allowed, can I touch her"... felt like she was somebody else's for a few days 😂

8 weeks with Dd1. I got upset when she cried after her jabs. At that point I realised I loved her. After about 20 minutes with DD2. Rush non planned homebirth and DP was holding her as the paramedics sorted me out. Once the initial shock was over I was like ‘oi, give me my baby!!’ and when I took her it was amazing.

I had it instantly with DS1 and it was quite overwhelming. DS2 was premature and was taken to a different hospital straight after birth. I didn’t get the love feeling until he was about a month and i had spent a lot of time holding him without all the wires and tubes.

Both of mine were slow burners.
No real reasons for it - good pregnancies, births reasonably normal.
It’s just my personality. I’m so glad I knew that it was a normal reaction.

About 16 weeks with ds1. Before that I’d happily have given him away to anyone who wanted him. I hated the early weeks so much. He fed and cried all day and night and never slept. When he started sleeping and I was able to, things changed a great deal.

Almost instantaneous with ds2, who was a much easier baby (but very challenging toddler).

I love them both very much now!

DD is 13 months old and I have never felt a "rush" of love.

My pregnancy was "textbook" according to my midwife, I had an epidural during labour and needed forceps & episiotomy - but they were fine. We stayed in hospital over night and were both home the next day.

She's been a really straightforward (dare I say "easy") baby - sleeps well, fed well (combi fed for the first 3 months and then FF) never been a crier or a sicky baby.

I love her, but I never felt that epic rush that you hear about

Oh my goodness I feel SO much more normal now 😮😮😮. Thank you everyone ❤️

After years of infertility, miscarriage and thinking I’d never be a mum, I was lucky to have a fantastic and empowering birth experience, and the rush of love I felt for DD was immense.

The feeling of blind panic that I’d made a mistake and ruined my life came later when she started screaming every single night for hours. Also a cmpa baby it turned out. The intensity of those early days was a total rollercoaster of intense love, anxiety, panic. I also hated my husband for about three months, could have cheerfully killed the poor man, even though he was as supportive as he could possibly have been and very hands on!

I think I would have settled for a slow burn over manic ups and downs that I felt. I can’t recall ever feeling so utterly emotionally disrupted as those first three months post birth!

Never did with either child.

With DC1 it was instant. I loved her from the moment she was born. DC2 it was about 6 weeks, he was crying in his cot, and just wanted me to hold him. He had this almost pleading look in his eyes. I felt this rush of love for him at that moment, but sobbed because I hadn't felt it until that point. I felt so guilty.

Straight away to be honest, and it got stronger and stronger in those first days and few weeks. Had a very tough pregnancy with numerous complications and hospitalisations. But the birth itself was uncomplicated and untraumatic, although 15 hours of labour.

I think the relief pregnancy was over combined with holding baby in my arms in the hospital room created a euphoric feeling within me.

It also helped that baby latched within an hour of being born, and there were no feeding or milk supply issues. I think that helped a lot actually with strengthening that bond in those first few days.

The first night I had my DS I remember being awake with him all night just staring adoringly at him. I just fell in love 🥰 It was the same with my two girls 💕💕

The minute my DD was born I adored her. I couldn't take my eyes off her and still can't believe she's mine.

My first birth with dd was very similar to yours, growth issues, failed placenta, low fluid. I had a failed induction which lasted 10 days before they went for a section. I loved dd as soon as I saw her but I failed to love myself. I had near to no milk supply and despite pumping every two hours for 3 months solid it never came more than an ounce form both breasts. Dd lost weight in the first 10 days after birth and we ended up in hospital again. All the while I was recovering from a section. I thought I failed my beautiful, tiny baby and was so upset with myself. I still feel guilty now and she is 4 because I couldn't protect her in the way that a mother should.

I fell pregnant with ds when dd was 6 months and was so upset. When I decided to go ahead, I was brutally honest about my feelings to dh, when I needed help or support he was there. I made my life as easy as possible so he was formula fed from the get go, I kept dd at nursery two mornings a week so I could focus on ds and my recovery. I asked dh to take his paternity leave and two weeks with of holiday so I could rest and sleep whenever I needed to. I asked my mum if she would come and stay for a week after dh went back to work and she did. I batch cooked lots of meals before ds arrived so neither of us needed to bother about cooking and froze meals for my dd. I did laundry in the evenings when dh was home. Ds was born via section due to low fluid levels again but I refused a section at 37 weeks and instead went for daily monitoring. He was born at 40 weeks a full 3lb heavier than dd, he fed like a dream and slept much better than dd but still not through the night till aged 2. I loved him as soon as I saw him. For me the rush of love was immediate. I am more protective of dd partly because I feel I failed her initially and she was behind milestone wise whereas ds has always hit or been ahead of his milestones so I worry about him less.

I hope you have a better experience second time around but know that if you don't it is not your fault.