When did you get the “rush of love” with baby?

[flappityflippers1]

When did you first get the fabled “rush of love” when you had your baby?

For a bit of background context:

I am 31 weeks pregnant with baby 2. I have a 3yo DC who I adore, but didn’t get the rush of love with.

We had placenta issues at the end with stopped growth, induction for 26 hours then a crash section. When I came around from the GA and hubby brought him in I’d genuinely forgotten I was pregnant (felt like I was waking up from a great nap!) and wondered why the hell he was holding a baby! Felt no overwhelming love to DS and was frankly quite baffled by the whole thing (and absolutely off my head on morphine)

We then had endless breastfeeding issues, I got very sick (sepsis) which all but killed my supply, not realising this I kept feeding DS who then had massive weight loss at 3 weeks and ended up hospitalised. I then pumped around the clock to get supply back while supplementing with formula - only for him to scream incessantly, throw up feeds etc. Awful dietician advised the “mix of breastmilk and formula can do that sometimes” so at 6 weeks I gave up pumping and went fully formula. Then the screaming really kicked in, and at 10 weeks old a competent dietician diagnosed CMPA. A few weeks to find the right alternative for him, and once on neocate the symptoms started to lift.

He was 16 weeks old when I first recall feeling the rush of love and “holy cow you’re incredible” feeling. I often refer to it as a slow burn!

(To note, I always knew I loved him and was connected with him as the mama bear instinct was strong, but never that overwhelming love!)

I also have generalised anxiety disorder, and had pre and post natal anxiety and depression with DS. I have had pre natal anxiety and depression this time also, however didn’t mess about and went private for therapy which has helped enormously (had NHS therapy previously after DS and over the years)

So with baby 2, I am opting for elective section, and have a feeding plan that is very flexible and I’m happy with. I’m managing the anxiety and depression very well and have excellent support.

So... my question is!

When did you feel the much fabled rush of love? What type of birth did you have, and do you think that affected it?

I know my experience is going to be vastly different this time around, but wondering how many people feel it immediately, and not so much?

With first born dd, I was in too much shock to feel that love. In fact, I resented her a little bit because I had tore badly and I was in pain.

I never got that rush with her but it slowly built up over weeks.

Second born ds, I got that immediate rush of love.

I didn't have the slightest interest in my first when he was born, no rush of love I didn't even want to hold him. I'd had such a horrendous pregnancy and birth I'd be awake for 4 days had forceps and needed a blood transfusion and I was just exhausted. I held him but felt literally nothing. I didn't even care for him the evening he was born, he went with the midwives I was so poorly. I woke up in a panic at 4am looking for him. When they handed him back all I felt was a huge rush of guilt. I'd suffered years of infertility and had IVF and I didn't get that rush of love! Wasn't until we were home a few days later and I was doing a night feed all alone in his nursery that I felt that overwhelming love for him.

With my second I felt it the second I saw him, planned section and it was so calm and relaxed and I was so excited to meet him as soon as they handed him to me I didn't want to let him go!

I always tell people about my first experience as I wish I'd of known how common it is to not feel that instant rush of love!

I never had an instant rush, of course loved and cared for them, but just grew to love them as I got to know them more. Definitely over six weeks with the second, was in lots of pain recovering!

With dd1 I found out at 28 weeks, had her at 34 weeks, had no bond at all, still have a very weird relationship, she's very much a dad/stepdad girl. Dd2 it was pure relief to get her out, I liked her. The dts, loved them the minute I saw them, born at 30 weeks so I dunno if the fear overtook iyswim

First baby about 6 weeks. Second baby about 6 nano seconds

I didn't get it with DC1, not a pleasant hospital birth, I had so been looking forward to that moment but when they passed her to me I remember not wanting to hold her at all and faking it, and then had to ask them to take her off me so I could vomit. I think I was in shock from the birth, an episiotomy, an epidural etc the injection for the placenta is what made me sick. I was totally faking how I felt while everyone else around me gushed over her, it was such a horrible feeling.

I did some research afterwards and learnt that an epidural and injection for the placenta can interfere with your natural oxytocin rush. I don't know if this is true or total woo. But it's why I planned a home waterbirth the next two times and I did get that huge instant rush of love both those times. I wonder if the strength of your oxytocin rush is linked to how much pain you feel/how much adrenaline is produced. However, it bloody hurt so if I ever had another I think I'd go back to an epidural, it would be interesting to find out what difference it made, but alas I have no plans for baby number 4.

Slow burn for me too and this thread has made me feel much more normal!!! I’ve always wondered if it was partly down to a long labour which ended up in EMCS...not having the relief of pushing the baby out and the pain ending. Actually one of the reasons on my ‘for’ list for VBAC but after this thread maybe birth doesn’t make a difference.

I didn't with with number 1. And felt under immense pressure to feel like that. Ended up at the doctor thinking something must be wrong

3 days- the first night home from hospital 💖I was sat feeding her and just thought "fucking hell, I would fight a lion with my bare hands for you that exact thought Haha! I still feel that way too 😁

Ds1 I don't think I ever had a rush of love, I just loved him and it grew and grew.

Ds2, was an unattended home birth (due to speed not planned) and I didn't know the sex but wanted a girl. I didn't want to check, and when I did I had an "oh its a boy" (disappointment) moment and then almost instantly an "Ohhhhh, its a boy" rush of love.

Never had it, never known anyone in real life who had it!

#1- emergency caesarean, baby in scbu for 6 days

#2- forceps but otherwise fine

#3- born into pool, caught by my husband, lotus birth all natural blah blah blah

All the same in terms of no immediate 'rush of love' and I felt I fell in love with them all as we got to know one another.

Now they're 6, 4, 9 months and I often feel a rush of love, but also often a rush of rage 😂

I’ve never had it either. Both DS and I were unwell in HDU the first time, second was better, but still not. Third no not really either. I adore my children now though.

When DD1 was about 18 months and ill with some virus. I was pregnant with DD2, feeling rubbish and no sleep as DD so miserable.

I remember this feeling that she really needed me, I was the person who could help her feel better. Nearly 20 years later I still remember exactly how that felt.

DD1 was an unplanned addition and she didn’t come at a convenient time. I don’t remember when I knew I loved her but I was completely attached from the second she was born. Labour with her was long but straight forward. Took about 2 months to recover fully. I ended up back in hospital when she was about 9 days old though with severe mastitis. DH came to wake me from a nap and couldn’t.

DD2 was a very much planned addition and took a year to conceive. I loved her from the moment I laid eyes on the positive pregnancy test. She was born and I just felt settled and happy. Her labour was much faster than DD1’s and that made it quite scary at the time but I recovered really quickly from having her.

I don’t remember calling in love with DH. It was like I knew from the minute I met him that he was special. Sounds really sappy but it’s completely how I felt. I’m not a romantic or even particularly expressive person so it was a weird feeling. I felt the same with my DDs. It was like an instant recognition that they were so important.

*falling not calling

With dd1 the rush came when she was 2 weeks old.
With dd2 I never felt that rush of love and she’s 1 now.

I had it both times, really took me by surprise with my first actually as I didn't expect to feel so strongly. Very painful but normal births, was so relieved when they were over. Even more relieved not to be pregnant anymore!

I didn't. I used to cry on the eve of her birthdays until she was 5. God I found the baby stage agonising and I remembered my before life and mourned it.
Even now, I picture myself still stuck on the Labour trolley in my hideous nightie. Like I left myself behind. 14 years ago!

DC1 about 4 days.
DC2 instantaneously.
Both over 40 years ago but still so fresh in my memory.
I still love them both unconditionally.

DS2 the rush was instant. By the skin of his teeth, he was a VBAC rather than another EMCS, and the euphoria lasted 24 hours. Such a relief to instantly have my baby placed in my arms.

DS1 was a long labour, EMCS, whisked off to NICU fortunately only a few hours before I met him when he joined me in HDU. I instantly felt responsible for him and sent DH off wìth him while I was stitched up and sent to recovery alone. The first days were rough, exhausting and worrying. It was more of a gentle growth of love. His CMPA became apparent at 5+ months so really we had a sweet spot at 2-5 months as I felt vaguely human and his sleep built up before the allergies interfered. Then at 10m, still before his allergies were diagnosed, the meltdowns began... it was another 8 years before his ASD was diagnosed.

Of course I love him as dearly as DS2, but there's been more hurdles to navigate through along the way. At present it's DS2 that worries me more.

The rush of love does exist, but having experienced both, you still end up loving them for the little human being that they develop into along the way so in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't greatly matter.

Thanks so much for the insights everyone, I really do appreciate it - I feel much better prepared going into this birth now!

It sounds lovely if you experience it, but more of a nice bonus and not a given ❤️

Absolutely immediately I had had a very rough time late pregnancy and was so worried I wouldn't bond wirh her but I shouldn't of been

You’ve been through a hell of a time. I never felt a rush of love like people describe, though. Exhilarated immediately after the birth, riding the hormone wave in the days after, and feelings of love developing through getting to know each other. The only thing similar to a “rush of love” is the first time DS was very upset and only calmed down with cuddles from me. I felt so necessary to his well-being in a way that breastfeeding & constant care hadn’t triggered 😅 Maybe 2-3 months?