Why do some men do this?!?

[cwtchesandprosecco]

I was walking to Sainsbury’s at about 8am this morning, just woken up, listening to a podcast, thinking about all the stuff I need to do at work today, when some man shouts ‘Smile love’ at me. I ignored and walked on, and then on my return trip (he seemed to just be hanging around) shouted ‘I said fucking smile’. What?! Why?

I’ll admit, I probably did look a bit miserable...... but I don’t grin inanely when waking down the street!

I’ve also had men (not today) shout various things in three street (about my appearance or how nice I look....) and one day I’d like to ask them what exactly they thing is going to happen next?

Why on earth do they do it?

"Witty"

Yeah, right. A joke with the funny bits removed.

I am female and have done the "you've forgotten something" about an empty buggy dozens of times to other females. That's not a particularly bloke thing. It's a crappy joke but sometimes in life we need a few crappy jokes.

I hate this. My step dad is the type who always has something to say and it’s never funny. I’m pretty pale, my god, if he’s called me morticia once he’s called me it a thousand times and then he laughs merrily and expects those surrounding to do the same (I’m just “normal” pale too, as opposed to corpse pale as if that makes a difference)

They do it because they can. If they do that here in France though, they’ll get fined.

They are policing the public space. Public space belongs to men and sometimes women need to be reminded of that and where the power is.

I live next door to a big building site, some of the builders seem to feel the need to dominate the space and set territory over residents via noise and making their presence of obvious . They particularly need to assert this over women so if a female complains about noise, turn the radio up. Appearance based insults and loud public discussion about the size of their penis and how much they love tits is another favoured way of asserting dominance. If a woman complains about damage to her property no biggie. Now if a man complains that's very different from a 'Karen'. Complaints from men are dealt with immediately and repairs are made.

Obviously NAMALT.

Entertainment. They get a pathetic little kick out of winding up unsuspecting women.

It's degrading. And they wouldn't dream of saying the same to a man. I've not had comments like this recently but I have a growing daughter and need to arm her with some quick responses. Whilst simultaneously ensuring my son never utters anything like this.

@Yorensnow

I was out running the other day and a man felt the need to shout at me, "run Forrest" really original I know. But I thought it's highly unlikely he would do the same to a man

I had this too! I ignored it at the time but was then angrily thinking of things I could have done or said back to him. He was sitting on some roof scaffold not working. I was quite angry about this as well because we are waiting for a roofer (not him) and it was one of the only sunny days. Also his work van was sat outside so I was then tempted to write a shitty review on their social media or email his boss. I then realised there was no need to be angry and then started thinking of some funny retorts. Of course I just ignored him and carried on with my run.

Once I really lost it outside Tesco at one of these "smile luv, it might never happen" types

I was having an awful day so when he said it to me I (stupidly) marched up to him and said "why? WHY! Why should I fucking smile? My aunt died yesterday, I have to plan a funeral, why should I fucking smile!!"

He looked a little surprised and scuttled off but didn't apologize or anything. I'm still a bit annoyed with myself for letting myself get out of control like that because of that idiot.

I’ve only ever been told to smile by an old lady outside Tesco. I was a teenager, waiting for the school bus. She said it very kindly and I thought she was being nice. Never been told to smile by a man. I’ve been smiled at by random men though, I just smile back.

Once when this happened to me near my workplace I took the number of the company from the van parked outside. Most decent building companies have a code of conduct about behaviour and I happened to work in HR at the time so I called to complain about their behaviour.

I may have embellished and said that numerous employees were complaining about them. The woman who answered sounded really cross to hear it so I hope she gave them what for. She certainly sounded like she was going to.

I one had someone say that to me. i kept on walking and he yelled after me i was a stuck up bitch.

I am afraid he got me on a bad day. I went fucking ape shit. His supervisor, or colleague (they were scaffolders) apologised profusely to me. He was certainly surprised to be confronted.

My pointing out that the fuckers had the company name on their shirts seemed to have an affect also.

actually, only one was a fucker. The colleague seemed genuinely mortified.

I wear headphones. You can usually tell which twat is going to do it, they have that look. I ignore.

Do they think they are being witty and original? I used to get this a lot. I looked like I wouldn't say boo to a goose. Once I was in a supermarket and I spotted one of the male employees following me around trying to get my attention. I ignored him and went over to a fridge. I reached out for an item and when I stood up properly he was right in my face saying Smile! I was so annoyed I immediately shouted back in his face, why? I must have looked demonic. He looked petrified and rushed off.

Fortunately I don't think we need to be concerned about our young sons doing this in future. It's very much an older man's thing and really out of fashion to behave that way!

I unashamedly tell people to fuck off now.

Sometimes it shocks them, sometimes makes them call me a miserable bitch.

I don't care anymore.

I always think it's a desperate attempt to be noticed, like almost a chat up approach and to try in engage in conversation. As if you are going to go "Aw he is so lovely, worrying and asking after me, I will talk to him..."
But they have zero self awareness of how it actually comes across. And also oblivious to how repetitive it is that so many engage in the same behaviour and it is neither original or endearing.

I hope your reply was fuck off, I’m not your minion.

Sorry to revive an old thread, but to update the same man did this again as I was doing my usual walk to Sainsbury’s this morning.

This time he did get a disdainful, ‘oh, fck off...’ He responded by calling me ‘fcking b*tch’ but looked a bit taken a back. I felt a mixture of satisfaction for standing up to him, but also walked back a different way because I didn’t want to run into him again. I hate how much things like this play on your mind all day.

I’ve also just realised I didn’t need to try and sanitise the swear words, force of habit!

@cwtchesandprosecco

I’ve also just realised I didn’t need to try and sanitise the swear words, force of habit!

It just shows you're a polite person irl, not like us sweary fuckers

Sadly my first thought was how predictable his immediate aggression was, and how you were the one to get called names for not doing as you're told.

'I said fucking smile'

'I said fucking fuck off'

I usually always wear headphones these days. Cuts down on twats.

I'm glad you told him to fuck off.
Although I do think that wearing a face mask has really helped stop comments like this.
Generally tho I think some men are just programmed to be like this. I am working hard on DS's manners already (he's 3).
Sorry it played on your mind but you were in the right.

A funeral director once said it to me as I walked past him. He was visibly shocked when I turned into the church he was outside, for my aunt’s funeral. She was only 40, so it was an especially emotional day.

I didn’t need to reply.