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Original poster

What age did you allow your child to have their phone in their room in the night?

88 replies

GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard · 02/02/2021 07:37

Please note that I'm asking when 'did' you.
Not when 'will you'.

Because until I had a teenager I very haughtily thought there's no way until DS was at least 16.

But now I'm actually at the teenage tantrum point, it's proving way more a bone of contention then I ever imagined and I need to 'pick my battles'🤯

OP posts:
merrygoround88 · 02/02/2021 07:42

A house phone curfew is your friend here . 9pm in our house for all of us. Takes the whole phone in bedroom argument away

MegBusset · 02/02/2021 07:43

DS1 is 14 and still does not. But he is fairly biddable and not given to teenage tantrums (yet!)

What age is your DC?

Whyistheteacold · 02/02/2021 07:44

My DD is 4 months so no need for me to worry about this for a whole 😂 but when I was growing up, we had a basket at the bottom of the stairs which we all (parents included) put our phones in when we went to bed. Bed time is for sleeping, there is no need to have a phone with you!

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Ostryga · 02/02/2021 07:46

What if someone needs to get in touch with you overnight? I need my phone in case of emergency (and I’ve had enough 3am phone calls to say it is necessary!)

I think when Dd is 14/15 I’ll be fine with it. If she stays up all night on her phone and is knackered for school then that’s on her. I want her to learn self-regulation, rather than just telling her what to do all of the time.

Original poster
GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard · 02/02/2021 07:47

@merrygoround88

A house phone curfew is your friend here . 9pm in our house for all of us. Takes the whole phone in bedroom argument away
Believe me, that is NOT my friend.

That worked until a week ago.

And it's now very much all our enemy.

OP posts:
merrygoround88 · 02/02/2021 07:48

I should add that my eldest DD has many many tantrums on this subject but I find the 9pm rule for all makes it difficult for her to argue that it’s an issue of trust - it’s just house rules

Nonstopmum9 · 02/02/2021 07:48

My 12 year old takes her phone to bed but my husband set a screen time lock for 9pm week days and 11pm weekends. So she can't use it after then and before 8am. She has a wireless charger in her room so it's easier to let her use that overnight. I think picking your battles is key. We would never of let her normally but with the last year and lack of social interaction it's been easier to let her have this one. Good luck 😊

itispersonal · 02/02/2021 07:48

@Ostryga

What if someone needs to get in touch with you overnight? I need my phone in case of emergency (and I’ve had enough 3am phone calls to say it is necessary!)

I think when Dd is 14/15 I’ll be fine with it. If she stays up all night on her phone and is knackered for school then that’s on her. I want her to learn self-regulation, rather than just telling her what to do all of the time.

Who needs to contact a 14/15 in an emergency?
Ostryga · 02/02/2021 07:49

No I meant for me, not my kid. I can’t leave my phone downstairs!

Original poster
GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard · 02/02/2021 07:49

@Ostryga

What if someone needs to get in touch with you overnight? I need my phone in case of emergency (and I’ve had enough 3am phone calls to say it is necessary!)

I think when Dd is 14/15 I’ll be fine with it. If she stays up all night on her phone and is knackered for school then that’s on her. I want her to learn self-regulation, rather than just telling her what to do all of the time.

That's just it, he does stay up all night on it and he's a horrible sodd the next day and it's a fight to get him to do work.

So if I allow him to keep his phone he 'pays me back' with moodiness.

But now we are having massive violent tantrums at night because we dare to ask him to put it down at 10.30pm

OP posts:
RealisticSketch · 02/02/2021 07:49

No advice but I also need to know this. I look forward to seeing the Mumsnet wisdom.

Original poster
GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard · 02/02/2021 07:49

@Nonstopmum9

My 12 year old takes her phone to bed but my husband set a screen time lock for 9pm week days and 11pm weekends. So she can't use it after then and before 8am. She has a wireless charger in her room so it's easier to let her use that overnight. I think picking your battles is key. We would never of let her normally but with the last year and lack of social interaction it's been easier to let her have this one. Good luck 😊
How does this screen time lock work?

I could do that! Please tell me your wizardry!

OP posts:
merrygoround88 · 02/02/2021 07:49

@GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard Of course your DS will push back and quite aggressively too. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the argument.
Personally I feel it is, as otherwise they have no headspace, but it’s hard. I curse phones on a daily basis

Ostryga · 02/02/2021 07:50

How old is he?

If he loses his job because he’s too tired to work then that’s just life. You can’t protect them from their own actions forever. If I don’t go to work I don’t get paid, and I may lose my job. That’s life!

Original poster
GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard · 02/02/2021 07:50

[quote merrygoround88]@GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard Of course your DS will push back and quite aggressively too. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the argument.
Personally I feel it is, as otherwise they have no headspace, but it’s hard. I curse phones on a daily basis[/quote]
Everything you said, is exactly what's been going through my head for the last day.

I completely agree with you.

OP posts:
Fastedbrownie · 02/02/2021 07:52

We always let them, but there are timed screen locks. I don't know what age we will take them off. My oldest son turns 16 today and his phone has no lock, but he lived overseas by himself for a few years and is more mature than most, and I can trust he will get the sleep he needs. I suspect dd14 will have a lock for a couple for a couple more years yet.

Florabella · 02/02/2021 07:52

Our 14 year old has in in her room, but her screen time is off so the only things that work are her camera and making phone calls (which she and her friends never do. All controlled by an app

TottiePlantagenet · 02/02/2021 07:52

We did curfews that became ever later as our teens got older.

We finally cracked the summer after their GCSE exams - our curfew was more relaxed during weekends and holidays, and they just began to ignore the curfew once they'd finished their exams Blush

Couldn't bring ourselves to argue the point any more, especially at that age/stage.

merrygoround88 · 02/02/2021 07:52

@Ostryga I leave my phone on the landing so I will hear a call from there

I am not sure about teens and self regulation and phones - the overwhelming evidence is that they just don’t self regulate

TottiePlantagenet · 02/02/2021 07:56

OP how old is your son? What changed a week ago that sparked the fight?

harknesswitch · 02/02/2021 07:56

My dd has a screen lock on her phone, she can't use if after 9pm, I still get the odd tantrum about it, but I just smile at her and say I'm not removing it. It's easier than having to wrestle a phone away or listen to the 'just 5 more minutes Mum)

nicknamehelp · 02/02/2021 07:58

I go totally again MN here and from having a phone at 11/12 I've never controlled use/time. We have the rule after I go to bed I don't want to hear anything or be disturbed. They know they have to be up and on in a morning. They need to learn to control these things themselves (I do randomly check phones but again its mainly trust)

harknesswitch · 02/02/2021 07:59

The screen lock is part of an app called Qustodia you can set time limits in the phone, give them a usage allowance etc. It will also allow her to only make and receive phone calls or text messages, so if she's out and it runs out of screen time she can always use it to phone us in an emergency.

You download it on her phone and can control the limits via your phone

Cornishcrops · 02/02/2021 07:59

We have also set a phone lock. We used an app called Family Link. I can set limits on all dc apps on the phone and set a bedtime lockdown for it

Nonstopmum9 · 02/02/2021 08:00

I have no idea how he set it but I think it's an app 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️. He is still in bed 🙄 will ask him when he surfaces