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Original poster

What age did you allow your child to have their phone in their room in the night?

88 replies

GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard · 02/02/2021 07:37

Please note that I'm asking when 'did' you.
Not when 'will you'.

Because until I had a teenager I very haughtily thought there's no way until DS was at least 16.

But now I'm actually at the teenage tantrum point, it's proving way more a bone of contention then I ever imagined and I need to 'pick my battles'🤯

OP posts:
Turquoisesea · 02/02/2021 11:24

My 2 leave their phones charging in our room overnight. DD is 12 and is happy to do this. DS is 16 and still sort of happy to do this although I find it’s later and later he brings it in. Once any exams they have to do to replace GCSEs are over we might relax this, BUT, DS has absolutely no self regulation at all. He is on the autism spectrum and quite young for his age. I genuinely believe if we let him have it in his room he would be on it all night. It’s hard enough to get him out of bed to do online learning as it is.

LizFlowers · 02/02/2021 11:26

14 or 15 I think. It never occurred to me not to allow it, why would I? It was his 'phone.

bonbonours · 02/02/2021 11:27

Never, all phones including adults' charge downstairs overnight. We have a landline in the bedroom in case of emergency. Also have screen time app on kids' phones so that nothing will work after midnight.

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Families
memememe · 02/02/2021 11:29

my son has had his in his room overnight since age 12, he doesnt go on it after bedtime though, i randomly check on him and if i see him on it he gets a warning, and then the next time i catch him he gets taken away. he sometimes asks if he can go on it after bed time and i usually say yes. he often just wants to reply to messages. so thats fine with me.

bonbonours · 02/02/2021 11:30

They can't uninstall it, it asks for the password to do so. If they put the password in it sends me a notification.

BiggerBoat1 · 02/02/2021 11:31

DD is 15. Still not allowed phone in her bedroom at night. Mine and my husbands phones are also left downstairs at night.
I can't think of any good reason to have a phone in your bedroom over night.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/02/2021 11:36

I think it is very different in these covid times and I'm not sure I would have stuck to it if mine were mid teens now.

bonbonours · 02/02/2021 11:40

I don't really see why anyone needs a phone in their room overnight. As an adult I wouldn't have the self discipline to not look at it if it buzzed while I was trying to get to sleep so I'm sure my teens wouldn't either.
We use Alexa or old fashioned alarm clocks to wake up, before someone tells me they need it to wake them up.

BiggerBoat1 · 02/02/2021 11:41

Why is it different in Covid times? Genuinely interested.

My DD has ample opportunity to chat to her friends, stare at Pinterest or TikTok or whatever shit her mates are all looking at - she just can't do it at night time when she needs to be sleeping. If she can't sleep she's got books in her room and can come downstairs to get herself a cup of tea.

Mudmudingloriousmud · 02/02/2021 11:41

depends on the dc?
I trust mine and shes a good worker - lock down is lonely enough I don't mind her having her phone in her room she is 13 .

BTW really interesting stuff over media today eg - being able to connect with friends over lock down is worth far more than worries about screen time and arguments over it.

I totally concur with that at the moment.

bonbonours · 02/02/2021 11:42

My kids are 10, 13 and 15 and I don't plan on changing the rule ever. Not while I pay for the phone and they are still at school at any rate and hope that as adults they are accustomed to and continue this good habit.

LouNatics · 02/02/2021 11:55

All phones charge downstairs overnight. Never upstairs. For everyone, adults and teens. Phone not downstairs by 9.30pm = no phone the next day, with the exception of if it is needed for schoolwork, then it is handed straight back. I’m fully aware that their friends are texting and messaging at all hours as I hear the pings. No teenager needs to be on TikTok or Snapchat at 3am.

Original poster
GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard · 02/02/2021 12:00

I just tried Kidlox but it added VPN which made his internet shut down completely despite me changing the settings for him to have internet during the day.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong with all these apps.

I'm getting flashbacks, this is exactly the problem we had last time I tried this.

Give me strength.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 02/02/2021 12:09

They’ve always had their phones in their rooms since they first got them age 11. No issues with over use, missing sleep, etc. If it’s not forbidden, it’s less attractive.

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/02/2021 12:11

don't really see why anyone needs a phone in their room overnight.

Many people have jobs where they are on call for emergencies. They have to have phone with them.

emmathedilemma · 02/02/2021 12:12

I'm in my 40's and i try not to use my phone after 9pm and it doesn't go in the bedroom!!

BiddyPop · 02/02/2021 12:12

DD is 15 and still not allowed the phone overnight. Although it has occasionally stayed there, usually by accident (and I have usually found it innocently charging there, not in use late into the night).

But it is the same rule for her that we have for ourselves.

Our phones stay in the kitchen overnight too, all getting charged. So she sees it herself that we are not making her have a different rule.

murbblurb · 02/02/2021 12:20

teens are unlikely to be on emergency call. And relying on fragile, power hungry smartbricks as emergency items isn't good. Every house should have a landline (you don't have to pay for the call package if you don't use it), as they are reliable, don't need charging and work if the power goes out. (Which it will more often as our grid moves more to windfarms).

phones downstairs for everyone. Buy an alarm clock, read a book at bedtime.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 02/02/2021 12:25

DS(14) has his in his room overnight and always has done since he was given one.

His internet access to his phone goes off at 10pm during the week.

RedWhineandgo · 02/02/2021 12:37

Well we let ours have it straight away to listen to audiobooks at night (11yo) then realised it was a massive mistake and that they were pissing around on it at night.

Currently 11 &13 and they have to leave them in the kitchen overnight to charge. It actually wasn't resisted much as I'd literally caught the eldest red handed.

BiBabbles · 02/02/2021 13:01

My 16-year-old hasn't asked to yet. He puts it with his siblings and father's phone on the stand by the couch in the living room. I'm the only one who takes a phone upstairs at bedtime in case of a night emergency/morning issues if my spouse (night worker) has to work late or something. It's just a habit they've all had since they 11-12 when they got them.

We don't have chargers upstairs and we have Google Family Link, though if you put in the right birthday, they can decide to deactivate at...I think it's 13? It varies by country, so you'd need a cooperative teenager with that one (or put in the wrong year, but that can cause it's own problems). They can be a right pain to set up.

We've previously used Screentime which was both paid for and too easily stopped working, and a few other things, but - after issues in setting it up - Family Link has worked well what we want of being able to track to discuss usage and to set up blocks (though my 16-year-old doesn't have any at the moment, my 13-year-old & 11-year-old do).

Maybemay123 · 02/02/2021 13:08

Just before dcs 16th birthday as I want my dc to have self control - dc did know if there was no self control it wouldn't be aloud in bedroom. I had originally said 16 but the pandemic hit and so no school (as year 11) I felt it was a good time to start it and prove self control.

Pyewhacket · 02/02/2021 13:16

14/15

FrangipaniBlue · 02/02/2021 16:18

@GiveMyRegardsToYourLizard

Anyone want to share what app they use?

I've asked so many times.

Please help.

I don't use an app screen time is an in built feature on iPhones in the settings menu.

I set it with a passcode and just don't tell DS the passcode.

Because I have an iPhone aswell he is on my "family account" for sharing music and cloud storage, this means I can also control the screen time from my phone without ever touching his (once it was set up).

I can always control what apps he downloads - anything he tries to install I get a notification which I can approve or decline.

PercyAndPenny · 02/02/2021 16:29

If you're the poster I'm thinking of, it's difficult to advise as this isn't just one issue is it? It's part of a whole big problem that you've got with him so what might work for me won't work with him as it's not an isolated issue you have.

FWIW, my eldest is 22 and o allowed a phone in her room from about 16 - however all these apps weren't rife back then.

My youngest is 14 and the phone is put in his games room along with his iPad at 10pm - 10.30 if it's a weekend. That's the 'terms and conditions' of him having a phone and he accepts that. He has asked me when I'll allow him to have it overnight and the answer so far has been ' when I can trust you not to be roaming around the internet all night long.' ....

I'm not putting an age on it. He's tired come 10/10.30pm and needs the head space away from a screen