Do you allow your teens to swear in messages to friends?

[FelicityFoxwell]

My youngest is 14 and chats online to lots of friends, usually via Instagram messaging where they all seem to congregate.

I check these messages from time to time just to ensure he's alright and nothing is going on that I might need to know about (all done with his knowledge before anyone tells me I'm invading his privacy - I don't allow a young teen completely unfettered access to the internet!) and I'm not overly impressed recently.

We don't swear in the house. I've never sworn in front of my kids and they don't swear either. (In front of me that is!) Not for any particular reason, I just choose not to do it

Anyway - messages. Some have left me distinctly unimpressed ... it's just the basics of 'fucking hell mate!' and ' I was a bit of a dickhead there!' and that sort of thing.

I spoke to him and asked him if he was swearing on messages and he said 'noooo mum!' so fibbing to me

Anyway ... thought I'd canvas opinion. Would you allow your 14 year old to do this? I'd be inclined to turn a blind eye if he was older but he's not long turned 14.

So ... ridiculously OTT of me OR stamp it out ?

Oh and I'm not shocked btw. Nothing much shocks me with teens. I swear a lot myself - just not in front of him.

Over the top.

Over the top.

OTT.

I honestly couldn't get worked up about teens swearing amongst themselves...

Sexism, racism, bullying etc. and I'd intervene but swearing is completely normal behaviour.

Totally OTT. My teens swear in front of, though not at, me.

OTT

Massively ott

Hmm. Unanimous so far then

Why do you allow it though? Out of interest. I'm not some tyrannical mother but it looks shit doesn't it? 'Piss off G, I fucking hate that' etc

I mean just stop!

OTT. What do you expect him to say "I say old chap, I was a bit of a Richard just now"?

Also we are products of our own upbringings aren't we? I was raised in a non swearing house. So this is where it stems from.

I wouldn’t censor the words my 14 year old said in private messages, no!

If you do make a fuss of something like this, I think you need to prepare for a lot of lying and secrecy from them to come.

@PanamaPattie that's just about done me in

You are being OTT.

Fucking hell mate, What the Fuck etc are fine, and are just what they say.

I wouldn’t tolerate my 14 year old swearing at me/in front of me, and I’d be angry if she was telling someone to fuck off/get fucked etc (by text or in person)

you sound like a total narc too be honest

I think as long as teenagers know who they can and cannot swear in front of it's fine. If it's not acceptable for them to swear in front of you then they shouldn't. They also shouldn't do it in front of other adults where it's not acceptable. With their friends it's fine as long as it's swearing in conversation and not abusive.

to*

I take a similar stance to my parents - if I'm not hearing it, I don't really have a problem. I don't swear in front of my parents or children, but am quite sweary in the rest of my life, it's very normal to be a bit sweary at my work for example (my DS is quite anti-swearing, and his saucer eyes when he heard some of the language when waiting for me to finish work in the office 😂). I wouldn't like them swearing on messages, but wouldn't pull them up on it.

Of course I 'allow' my teens to swear, it would be unrealistic not to. As long as they recognise the societal boundaries of bad language, I'll accept overhearing the odd shit, fuck or bugger at home

@Howshouldibehave oh our relationship is good and we get on great. I can say openly I'm not impressed and he's welcome to ignore that of course. I won't be imposing any consequences here!

I just wondered about trying to stamp it out but I feel I'd be on to a loser

Most of them do it. We've never sworn in front of our DCs but they do in messages to friends. It's not a battle I choose to fight.

We are products of our own upbringing, yes, but not carbon copies. None of the examples you gave would concern me in any way. Far too much to try and police this. Ok for you not to like it but nothing you should do, his life, his choices on self expression, as long as not hurting anyone.

@therearefourlights there's always one thread loin isn't there? Don't be silly now

Way OTT

And I allow it because it’s not my job to police his private comments? Do you follow him around when he’s with his mates to see what he’s saying as well?

And seriously- you need to scale back on checking his messages anyway. In 4 years time he’ll be away at uni or have left home and you won’t have any semblance of control over his life. If you haven’t gradually worked up to teaching him how to use the internet responsibly by trusting him by then you’ll both be screwed.

OTT.