Do you allow your teens to swear in messages to friends?

[FelicityFoxwell]

My youngest is 14 and chats online to lots of friends, usually via Instagram messaging where they all seem to congregate.

I check these messages from time to time just to ensure he's alright and nothing is going on that I might need to know about (all done with his knowledge before anyone tells me I'm invading his privacy - I don't allow a young teen completely unfettered access to the internet!) and I'm not overly impressed recently.

We don't swear in the house. I've never sworn in front of my kids and they don't swear either. (In front of me that is!) Not for any particular reason, I just choose not to do it

Anyway - messages. Some have left me distinctly unimpressed ... it's just the basics of 'fucking hell mate!' and ' I was a bit of a dickhead there!' and that sort of thing.

I spoke to him and asked him if he was swearing on messages and he said 'noooo mum!' so fibbing to me

Anyway ... thought I'd canvas opinion. Would you allow your 14 year old to do this? I'd be inclined to turn a blind eye if he was older but he's not long turned 14.

So ... ridiculously OTT of me OR stamp it out ?

Ott.

OTT, my 18 yr old also says OTT.

@FelicityFoxwell - sorry, I think you're trying to make a joke out of it so I'll be a bit clearer. You are invading his privacy. I know you love him and you want to keep him safe and make sure he behaves well so he'll be successful in life, but you are invading his privacy.

Is this another troll post?

Not bothered at all, my 15 doesn't swear around us but the older two do. It's just letters put together like any other word! I'm happy as long as there isn't any malice behind it, bullying etc. We are quite sweary and my dm is like a sailor 😱 and if they are foolish enough to do it in front of a teacher then I'm sure they will be reprimanded.
I think learning the art of swearing as a teen is a right of passage, a little respect goes along way and knowing when it's not appropriate to swear goes hand in hand with that.

Oh I have also taught all of my children from 10 ish all the horrible crude swear words, so if ever anyone tried to attack them to shout them as loud as possible as I'm certain a 10yr should cunt would turn some heads to help.

Should = shouting

I don't police my teenager's language when she talks to her friends. If she called me a cunt to my face though I might be upset.

I've always tried to instil the value of speaking appropriately for your audience and situation.

At 16 DS now swears like a trooper with his friends. I'm fond of a good curse myself so have no moral ground to stand on with that one. However, he's still described as polite and respectful by teachers, speaks appropriately in front of the vicar, next door neighbours, waiting staff etc. I've never heard him swear in front of DM and really that's a more valuable lesson in life than forbidding swearing IMO.

Never understood people not swearing at all around their DC as doesn't this create an issue when they go into the wider world, they have no idea of context or what they're hearing?

Also I don't believe in one rule for all. I swear, they don't, I also drive, drink and plan my own schedule, none of which they can. Always sworn around DC, grew up in very sweary house myself. We don't swear at each other though. As teens they can swear at home, but again not at each other.

To me learning appropriate context in important. Swearing amongst friends is fine, swear at your teacher is pretty fucking stupid and they deserve the full consequences.

OTT. When my DD first got a phone she was 12. She was swearing a lot in her messages and posts and I asked her to tone it down. But I think it was just a shock to see her other persona really. She was someone apart from just my little girl.

She’s now 14.5 and I have never heard her use a swear word when speaking. Her dad is very good with his language at home, I occasionally let something slip when under stress. So as long as she continues to use the appropriate language for the setting I’m fine.

Also be aware that teens routinely have two Instagram accounts. One for mum to check and one for the real stuff.

You're being OTT. You can't really stop it can you? Swearing isn't the devil anyway, they are just words. I would be more worried about discriminative language. As long as dc knows who it is appropriate around and is respectful knowing not to do it with his parents/grandparents etc. I grew up in a household with minimal swearing like my dad would claim that he never swears so he must exclude the word 'pissing' but I have 4 older brothers that have swore like troopers in front of parents since they were teens and nothing they done stopped them. I swear terribly at home with DH but never in work, in front of children, my parents or elders and would never dream of doing it.

OTT

I have no problem with ds 6 swearing when he's older as long as its not in school and that I don't hear it!

Our rules with DD were swear like a sailor if you so desire, but read the room. Just us? Friends? Fine. School? Birthday parties? In front of certain relatives? Notsomuch. We're all pretty sweary here - after all, there's no such thing as bad language, just language used badly!

She's 23 now and a linguist

Vvv OTT, OP.

Fine with swearing here with a few caveats - not in front of younger/older family members/authority figures etc, not actually at people.

Wrong hill to die on IMO.

My 19 year old tells me off for swearing- I never swore when they were little, so when I relaxed I think it was a bit of a shock!

My nearly 15 year old does this.

As long as she knows not to swear directly at people (eg "fuck off" - which she doesn't do) and understands the title and place, rhem I let it go. In fact, it doesnt bother me at all.

She let a 'piss' slip out at home the other day. I raised my eyebrows at her and reminded her we don't speak like that at hole. She apologised akd that was it.

Tbh, she's told me that a lot of their conversations revolve around sex (none of them have ever done anything sexual at all) - bjs, 69, penises... They also have frank conversations about boobs and periods too.

It's normal. He might he your child but he's no longer strictly a child and he's growing up. He's just experimenting at the moment with all sorts of things.

*time and place

• home not hole!

@PanamaPattie

OTT. What do you expect him to say "I say old chap, I was a bit of a Richard just now"?

😂😂😂 one has made me urinate ones self with laughter there

I just wondered about trying to stamp it out but I feel I'd be on to a loser

How are you going to "stamp it out"? You are totally on to a loser trying to do that.

He'll just be thinking "fuck off and leave me alone".

I did once tell my son (when I caught sight of a message) that swearing at people wasn't the most pleasant way to behave or something similar - it was a while back and I can't remember, but the gist of my opinion was the effect it would have on his friends and their relationship, rather than my delicate sensibilities.

I can't imagine it changed much, but at least it made him (briefly) consider his way of communicating.

As an aside, I don't think it's wise to ask a question you already know and would obviously disapprove of the answer to!

Gosh, if to tried to police messages/swearing on my 3 teens phones I’d be running a one woman censorship programme!

Obviously we would rather our teens didn’t swear but it’s ridiculous to imagine you can police it.

Personally I don’t WANT to know what my teens are saying - I’d rather live in ignorance.

You can't police how they speak to their friends!!!!

I hate it when I pass my sons room and hear him swearing whilst online gaming with friends.... he's 21 😄