Is this actual life?

[basilsenia]

Just looking for a wider opinion really.

Currently pregnant with DC1, and all my friends who already have children moan about having kids tv programmes on all the time (think bing/peppa pig etc). They will literally have their kids in the front room, the kids are playing with their toys but the TV is on kids stuff constantly. They keep saying "this will be you soon". The children are between the ages of 12 months to 4 years.

My parents would never of had me playing with my toys and then the TV also on for me as well... it would of always been one or the other.

(Also as a disclaimer they do go out with their children and do other things with them but im just solely on about the times they are at home if the kids are awake it is children's programmes on the tv)

Is this standard...? Am I being naive to think I won't do this 🙈

I think you should become a parent and then come back to this thread. 👍

FWIW, it's a mixed bag here. I'm pretty relaxed about screen time and have no hard and fast rules (prepares to change this if needed when they're older though). I grew up with parents who didn't like tv on in the background and I'm the same, so it'd go off if no one was really watching it. However, while neither of mine tend to stay glued to the tv, it can really inspire their play too - for example DS often watches YouTube of people building Lego and gets his Lego and builds at the same time, or today for example they watched paw patrol then got their pp toys out and played a brilliant game as a result (then we eventually turned the off the tv while they were distracted). But I don't bother putting on non-kids tv during the day because I'd rather it was off if they're not watching and I get some peace, if they're off happily playing elsewhere.

I've had kids TV on almost permanently for the past 4 years.

Well, before I had children I was of the "my children won't even know what a TV is!" school of thought, so I do agree with the "ho ho, you'll change your mind" comments to some extent.
I did watch a lot of TV when breastfeeding (but I used to turn it down and have subtitles) both daytime TV and DVDs (managed to watch most of Battlestar Galactica) - but once DS1 was old enough to pay attention, I didn't watch much of my own stuff partly to model not having the TV on all the time, partly because as PP said I wouldn't follow it, partly because if DC was engaged with something I would rather be using that magical time to do something else, than watch TV and partly because most of what I would have wanted to watch wouldn't have been suitable for a toddler. I do agree that I wouldn't have had TV on for DC and them playing with toys at the same time, and even now I hate it if DC is on phone or gaming machine with TV on "do one or the other!"

Some people do that, but you don't have to.

When they're babies you can still watch your programmes on the telly. I would advise you to make the most of that. It does surprise me when people put teletubbies on for infants. Guys! It's your last chance for foul language during the daytime! Once they're older you can decide to limit it and turn it off when it doesn't look like they're watching it. For my kids it had two results a) they stared at any screen when we were out and b) they were incredibly focused and sit and watched telly when it was on. Brilliant babysitter.
But my kids can also sit and listen to people read to them for ages - not all kids are wired the same way. Yours might have minds that jump about from one thing to another, or figeting limbs whilst their mind is focussed.

Everyone's experience is different. You may find you stick with what you think will work for you, or you may find another way works better. Neither is inevitable.

I know families that do this, too. DS is 15 months and we've never really put on kids tv, largely because it drives me crazy.
My theory has always been if he doesn't know it exists he can't ask/demand it 😂
If he's just playing and I want to watch TV I will put it on, but it's my own shows. Though a limited choice, obviously. Usually nature documentaries tbh as he will occasionally snuggle and watch 5 mins with me.

Before lockdown and during the warmer months, my Dd would barely watch any. She’d have a little CBeebies on at breakfast (just to give me chance to sit with a coffee in peace and actually wake up!) In spring/summer, we’d eat in the garden though. Then in the evening she watches some of CBeebies bedtime before bath, story etc-again only really in the winter as the Warner months are in the garden, paddling pool or beach etc.
However, with lockdown hell, cold and rain and her dropping her nap, I’ve 7 days a week of keeping her entertained for 12 hours per day, that shit is hard! So, yeah, I’ve had to resort to occasions in the afternoon where I switch songs etc on YouTube, it makes me feel pretty crappy, but I’ll go insane otherwise.
I don’t watch my tv until she’s in bed, every other night (we take it turns for bedtime) as I can’t listen or watch, so it’s pointless 😂
It’s so different to the way you think it will be 🙈

I also found it wasn’t really ‘Needed’ as much until after 2ish, she’s 2.6 years old now and it’s needed at times, believe me

I replied before reading the whole thread and didn't realise till your second message that it was actually about something I have very strong opinions on.

When I was little I remember my parents watching really boring stuff on the telly most of the time. Lovejoy or antiques roadshow. It was more often on for them than me. I realised at some point the my kids didn't have that experience. If the telly was on during the day it was on for them. I turned it on to watch strictly and they were asking to change the channel.

I understood where they were coming from. They never encountered channels other than kids channels, so of course they thought telly was for kids. So I made a concerted effort to watch my programmes sometimes. Mainly things like property shows. Just to get them to realise that we should find things we all enjoy on the telly and also to make them think that just because the telly is on they can still go do something else, they don't have to stare at it.

It's tough because this partitioning of channels means that there are fewer whole family programmes nowadays. Something like taskmaster would have been family friendly 30 yrs ago. Same with films. But hopefully as they get older and the things I enjoy are more appropriate for them we will be Inthe habit of watching stuff together and not going off to watch our own programmes seperately.

If the TV is on my DC are glued to it to the exclusion of all else - they’re not the kind of can have it on ‘in the background’.

If I want to watch something for myself during the day I tend to have the iPad in the kitchen and watch something very ‘light’ while I am cooking dinner (eg I catch up on Strictly or something like that). They tend to ignore that for some reason.

I know plenty of people who watch sport during the day when their DC are around.

When you first have a small baby you get to watch box sets all day when you’re trapped on the sofa with them, it’s a sad day indeed when you realise that maybe Game of Thrones isn’t age-appropriate, sadder still when you realise you need to start watching CBeebies.

I think you can always start with good intentions. Some work others don't.

I had every intention of not using a dummy..caved ok that.

I had every intention of trying my hardest not to have a fussy eater (as I am) that one has worked out pretty good.

I had every intention of having a good sleep routine.....had for a year (DS is 22 months) and a couple of weeks ago won't go to sleep without my husband or I in the room 🙄

I had every intention of screen time being capped at 1 hour per day....that is officially out of the window. I am 34 weeks pregnant with DC2, have my toddler and working from home. It has been a god send and I couldn't care less. My child still gets out to the park every day and I am doing my absolute best so I don't feel bad about it.

hahaha yes those good intentions....lockdown aside, no judgement but I read some research showing the quality of kids play plummets if the tv is on. I know lots of us who would insist on having it on all the time. uneccessary imo. I used to use it as childcare if I was knackered or needed to make supper, but never on as wallpaper, and we would do something out of the house every day in the mornings.

@DustyVenetian

Oh and... STICK STICK STICK STICK, STICKY STICKY, STICK STICK.....

That's not for children

It's for people who went clubbing in the 90s. And we love it!

We only had the TV on if it was being actively watched.
We also lied and didn’t tell them we had Freeview until they were much older.
We wouldn’t have any ‘noise’ on for the sake of it as neither DH or I could stand it. Middle child has always been more sensitive to noise too.

I think you should look at the bigger picture and not judge everyone by the same standards. Sometimes you just do whatever you can to get you through the day. I only have the TV on in the morning just before breakfast at at 6pm to watch cbeebies.. But there's been days when I've felt rough as f.. Because I've had 2 hours sleep so I don't feel like the worst mum in the world if the TV goes on for longer than usual.

I managed to watch a whole Escape to the Country this morning at 6am when my early rising 15 month old woke up. He actually seemed to enjoy semi watching it whilst playing, might make it a regular thing .

I was talking to my dh about this the other day. When I was growing up, we (us kids) didn't get to dictate what was on the TV. My parents got first 'dibs' so we'd just have to watch what they watched. The only time we got to watch our own things were when they were busy doing something else like making dinner etc...

My ds is 5 now and although we don't have the TV on all the time (I try to limit TV time), when it is on, we only watch what he wants. Just recently though I've been encouraging dh to watch the football on the TV if he fancies, as I think it's good for ds to learn to consider others. He does protest but when we point out how many of his cartoons we watch, he reluctantly gives in Lol! I don't watch any of my programmes - but mainly because my ds is an absolute chat bag and I wouldn't get to listen to half of it!

I never had the tv on constantly in the background. It was either on and being watched or it was off.

But if you are still pregnant you have a whole heap of things to worry about well before you get to that stage

I do childcare for dgs who is 19 months. Dd prefers that he doesn't watch tv during the day which is fine by me as I only put the tv when I want to watch a specific programme. He has though learnt to ask for Alexa and various songs instead which I never envisaged.

My children are 9 and 6. They have the TV on to watch something. Then they turn it off.

We're not a family that has the TV on as background noise. Other families do this. No judgement, just different choices.

The main factor is if your dp is on the same page as you! Just decide what you both want to do, then do it!
I can't watch my telly much around the kids as I like gory / sweary stuff. DH can as he likes football. As a pp said it is good for children to know TV is for other people too. Mine ask before putting the telly on, at 7 and 9. We usually say yes at the moment, today I said not until this afternoon so they went and played. In the afternoon we went for a walk (possibly outing!) and baked and they watched some telly.

I never had kids tv on til dd was about 2/3 years old and even now she will only sit in front of it if she is watching something but sometimes she might do some colouring in while it is on. Bit different cos she is 9 now but doesn't hurt for them to not have the monopoly on it!!

Maximum of 60 minutes kids tv for mine. Only so I can prepare for the day in the morning and cook dinner of an evening.

Totally agree OP..I always wondered WTF was up with kids playing away whilst a tv banged out endless cycles of crap in the corner. And yes once I had both DC I (shock announcement)felt exactly the same. Its a personal preference whether you can ignore the inane babblings and whether you expect your kids to indulge in some unfettered access to their own imagination or to have the ability to shut out this rambling crap(they do not) As an aside both DC loved Peppa..Charlie and Lola etc but it wasnt on from dawn til dusk. Do what you like OP -and everyones judges, whether they admit it or not. Mumsnet is the best example i can give lol..

basilsenia:

My parents would never of had me playing with my toys and then the TV also on for me as well... it would of always been one or the other.

That really made me smile.

Being serious now, if children are playing with toys or each other and the television is on in the background with children's programmes, they are not going to be glued to the screen. There's nothing wrong with it at all.