Almost teenager migrated upstairs to her room ... when will she reappear?

[soupmaker]

Our 12 year old now basically lives in her room. She's about to turn 13. This is it, isn't it? The teenage years are upon us. She will come down for meals but evenings are now spent on phone and iPad chatting with her pals. She'll come join us and her wee sister for the odd film on a Saturday night, but that's it. When do they stop living in their own room and rejoin the rest of us downstairs?

I know lockdown is exacerbating this, but I kind of miss her! Although not when I am retrieving empty crisp packets from her room and finding clean clothes dumped in a heap.

2027?

Just set up a wildlife camera to catch her scavenging for food in the middle of the night.

Puddings features much more regularly than before

Adopt me please!!!

"I've tried suggesting we go on walks, which she has (grumpily) done with me in the past, but now she just says she'd rather go alone. It is hard not to take it personally!"

"I'm finding the balance between accepting what's normal teenage behaviour and what might be a sign of something to be concerned about so tricky to navigate."
Yes, it can feel personal, but I can remember being like that when I was that age. I wanted independence & to be left alone, but wanted to be included as well. I don't have an easy answer, but it has helped to remember how it felt for me, in not taking long silences or grumpy strops personally.

If it's any consolation, I have 2 older teens who are like chalk & cheese, one has been fairly "easy", the other had a rotten time. We're coming out the other side.

It has been one of the toughest parts of being a parent. And yet there have been some really good bits.

Hang on in there.

She will re-emerge when she is 20, will come downstairs and offer to make you a cup of tea.

Aged 20

Mine stopped living in their rooms when they went to University....
To be fair, pre Covid they spent more time out of the house than in it. But in it, 90% of time in their room.

Mine are 20 plus in age and this about average.

I force mine to come on a walk every other day or so and bribe them with a takeout drink. I also force them to watch a film with us on a Friday/Saturday night (shrek tonight!). They usually kick off but now they’ve realised I won’t back down they don’t make so much fuss and always end up in a much better mood because of it. I think it’s important to make them spend some time with you.
With access to internet/devices in their rooms nowadays it too easy for them to just get sucked into a rabbithole and end up being a bit depressed.

Both of mine were 16 before they had computers or laptops upstairs (though they did have iPads) and the Xbox only went upstairs during lockdown (as dh needed the living room for live teaching).

The piano & electronic keyboards always tempted Ds downstairs too, same for dd and her roll out dance floor in the conservatory. Ds still doesn’t have a TV upstairs, dd dies now but she’s 19 and been living away at college for two years.

In the first lockdown dd was 13 and although mostly in her room she did spend some time with me. It's completely different this time! She is 14 now and I see her for about 10 minutes a day and she's usually got one of her friends on a video chat at the same time. She's clattered downstairs fully dressed twice this year. Both times to go out for a walk with a friend.
She's autistic so she always spent a lot of time in her room after school. The interaction with friends is new and a bit of a relief!