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Original poster

1 year old tantrums all day. What can I do ?

55 replies

reallyexhausted · 20/01/2021 19:05

My one year old DD is very exhausting at the moment and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do. She always wants what she can't have and cries and throws tantrums when I don't let her have stuff. So much so that I just end up letting her have stuff or play with stuff ( like my phone or the remote ). She literally whines all day unless she gets her way. She does not listen to no and just keeps doing stuff even when told no ( I think she does this as it gets her attention ). I don't tell her off at all and always try to explain why she can't do something and I try to distract her with other things. But once she has it in her head that she wants something, she just won't stop and she doesn't forget. When she gets upset I don't scold her but I tell her that I understand why she's frustrated and give her a cuddle. ( I understand that's what you're supposed to do, rather than invalidate their feelings or scold them for being upset / doing something wrong ). She always rips her bib off and chucks everything around and off her high chair etc too. I think it's all normal ? Can I do something different ?

OP posts:

Whentheleavesfalldown · 20/01/2021 19:15

Its normal. Babies don't understand no

Original poster

reallyexhausted · 20/01/2021 19:16

Is there any other way I can deal with it ?

OP posts:

soundofsilence1 · 20/01/2021 19:20

I think just distraction and positive reinforcement. No lengthy explanations, keep language simple.

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Breastfeedingworries · 20/01/2021 19:20

She’s learning to moan cry and whine and then get what she wants. Id ignore negative behaviour within reason and safe limits.

Have a set routine, do activities or go for a walk in the morning. Have set times for snack (in case it’s because she’s hungry or thirsty, makes a difference) also is she getting enough sleep? If she’s waking early she might still need two naps, being tired is usually the issue with whining.

Do make sure there are firm nos, when there’s something I really don’t want my dd to do (shes 26 months now) I show her it and say “this is a no” very firmly, example the Internet wire and plug

Other nos the tv, the remote, my phone,you get the idea.

Start tomorrow as a fresh day and set boundaries, toddlers luke knowing where they stand. My dd is very happy chilled out little girl mostly. They prefer having someone in charge, makes them less anxious and more confident.

Breastfeedingworries · 20/01/2021 19:22

Hang on she is 1.... my advice might be 18 months plus really.

00100001 · 20/01/2021 19:22

Keep going.

Don't give in to the unwanted behaviour, because you're teaching her that all she needs to do is whine/strop/scream to get what she wants.

I would give her a chance to display the behaviour you want to get what she wants. You say she wants the phone, but you say she can't have it,but then give it to her.
.. so is she allowed the phone or isn't she?

If she's allowed the phone. Then give it to her before tantrum stage, trying to get her to "ask" nicely.

If she's not allowed the phone, you need to say so. Out the phone out if sight and away and distract distract distract
Bring out the "bug guns" like "oh wow! what's THIS!!"

Or remove her from the situation and say things like, oh let's go upstairs and read a book/play with x and remove her.

Try not to get frustrated or cross.

Just keep distracting.

And also have a think about why they can't have something. Is it that they can actually have it? Or a modifies version of it? Or is it dangerous so they really can't have it.

JimandPam · 20/01/2021 19:23

I think a lot of what you might do to tackle it depends on her age. I know you've said she's one but there's a gulf of difference between 13 months and 20 months.

I have a 13 month and 'no' never works. He just laughs or mimics so we avoid 'no' and try use short sentence to emphasise a different word 'you have to be GENTLE when stroking the dog' etc

But it does sound very normal!

Breastfeedingworries · 20/01/2021 19:24

Just start gently introducing boundaries, lots of distraction, make sure she’s getting enough sleep, lots of stimulation means they might need longer naps one day ect. If she’s really whining and crying could be teething pain and tiredness. I’d give bit of calpol and put down for nap or cuddle on the sofa. (Why everyone hates giving bit of calpol I don’t know) they get so many teeth coming through

Lifeinaonesie · 20/01/2021 19:25

One year olds are like dogs, you need to walk them off lead for two hours a day

Breastfeedingworries · 20/01/2021 19:27

Like another poster said stick to your guns, if she can’t have the Phone you don’t give it. You decide what’s allowed and what isn’t but you can’t change the rules or then let her have it.

If you say no about something you have to mean it, I don’t say no about much. Pick your battles, my nos stay the same. Be consistent.

BakedTattie · 20/01/2021 19:30

She’s 1, she’s still a baby. Just distract her with something else

Thesagacontinues · 20/01/2021 19:31

My 19 month old started this last week and the constant whining is really tough but Im holding tough on the 'no' so that he gets the point that once I say no I mean it. This leads to him standing on the spot crying but I try my best not to give in.

Original poster

reallyexhausted · 20/01/2021 19:33

She's literally 1 - as in January birthday girl !

Maybe she's hungry. We have quite reasonable meal times I think but yesterday she didn't really enjoy her meals that much so she didn't eat as much, which may have contributed to it. She sleeps really well and usually has 2 naps a day and rarely 1. She has 1 nap a day when she wakes up late in the morning or has a very long late first nap.

You guys are right, I'm not setting boundaries. I just give in because she cries so much and has a winge!

OP posts:

PinkyParrot · 20/01/2021 19:33

Some DCs can't amuse themselves and need someone to play with. Sounds like she just wants someone to amuse/play with her and whinges when she doesn't have this.
Exhausting for you but possibly a phase she will grow out of soon when she can do more herself.
Read some of the books available. They will have good ideas on how to distract her and how to keep her busy

Original poster

reallyexhausted · 20/01/2021 19:34

@PinkyParrot yea I definitely am running out of ideas on how to keep her busy!

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 20/01/2021 19:36

Consistency is all. But also don't contribute to the problem by leaving the remote, your phone, or other things she can't have, lying around within reach. Keep them out of sight, in your bag or in a drawer that she can't open. Never let her have them.
A one year old won't understand explanations of why she can't have things she wants, so don't let her have them in the first place. Get her a pretend phone if necessary, but don't let her near yours.

Also, she can't really be expected to entertain herself for long at that age...is she getting enough interaction from you and other family members? Babies of that age can be relentless in their demands for attention, ( not unreasonably, they are babies after all) and it is exhausting and difficult for parents, especially if there is only one of you. And in the pandemic, you probably can't get out as much as you would like. But she will need fairly frequent changes of scene or activity to keep her busy and occupied, even if it's just moving to a different room to do something there. You can hand her a cloth or brush to clean with you, or dance to music for a bit, or copy you doing exercises. My mum reckoned little ones need a change of activity at least once an hour, and I think she was right.

Original poster

reallyexhausted · 20/01/2021 19:38

@DelphiniumBlue I definitely try but I think she's so bored ! I try to rotate toys and do different stuff, but it's probably no where near enough. I definitely need to create more structure in our day and mix things up more.

OP posts:

2020iscancelled · 20/01/2021 19:39

I feel like mine are most testing when they are hungry. Especially my toddler.

Make sure she isn’t get hangry first and foremost or wanting a drink. Seems daft but I swear my toddler is like a different child after a decent snack and a cup of milk.

Failing that just ride it out, keeping your hard no’s consistent. Pick your battles and if you don’t want her to want your phone or the remote then keep them firmly out of reach - they only want them because they see you with them. Try carrying around a toy remote or toy keys etc. She may well be satisfied with them once she’s seen you holding onto them for a while!

00100001 · 20/01/2021 19:39

She might need more attention and play can be simple: try these

Read books
Put balls down tubes
Get her to "post" things, like credit cards in a cereal box
Simple shape sorter
Put rice/pasta/coins in a plastic tube and shake.
Allow her to empty a drawer eg the bottom drawer in a kitchen that might contain just Tupperware
Stacking cups. You build the tower, let her knock it down
Put water on a tray and let her splash it
Peekaboo games/hiding under a muslin etc

Singing songs like "horsey horsey" or " row row row your boat"

Squashpocket · 20/01/2021 19:41

I wish I had set better boundaries with my ds1. I fretted over every decision - should he have this? Am I being mean to stop him? And it caused me so much stress. With DS2 it was more like 'you want what?! Yeah, no not happening. Let's do this instead.' I didn't give it a second thought. I would just decide what you find acceptable/unacceptable and stick rigidly with that

Indecisive12 · 20/01/2021 19:41

At her age distraction should work. I know it’s hard but don’t give in to her or she’ll learn she gets what she wants as she’s older. Are you going out for walks and things? I think a lot of babies are bored right now just because there aren’t as many opportunities. Normally you’d be at playgroups, visiting friends/families houses, having people round etc so it’s really hard. I’m a big believer in the power of a change of scenery. Also look at websites like best beginnings, tiny happy people for ideas on activities at home.

Original poster

reallyexhausted · 20/01/2021 19:41

@00100001 those are great ideas !

I do so much singing and she loves it.

I will definitely use those ideas. She loves taking all her toys out of the you box, so the drawer idea is great too.

OP posts:

00100001 · 20/01/2021 19:43

[quote reallyexhausted]@DelphiniumBlue I definitely try but I think she's so bored ! I try to rotate toys and do different stuff, but it's probably no where near enough. I definitely need to create more structure in our day and mix things up more. [/quote]
A 1 year old should be happy with around 6-10 toys. Make sure each toy does a different thing, eg You don't need two shape sorters, or two toys that play music, or 3 dolls or whatever.

Sometimes less is more. Take away the noisy light up toys. Make sure she isn't overwhelmed with too much choice. Watch her for a bit and remove the toys she isn't playing with.

Original poster

reallyexhausted · 20/01/2021 19:44

@00100001 she has so many toys!

OP posts:

00100001 · 20/01/2021 19:45

6-10 toys out for use that is. You may want to have more stored away, so you can rotate. So when a toy has lost interest you can replace it with another.

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