Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

I actually thought using leftovers was very much a Mumsnet thing, given how absolutely anti-waste everyone is.

@BasinHaircut

People not letting their children eat coco pops

People limiting screen time to less than an hour per day

People spending more than £50 a week on groceries for a family of 6 plus pets

People cleaning door frames on the regs

People never buying a car less than 10 years old and costing more than £500

Yes to the Coco Pops aversion. A poster recently said their kids were only allowed them on Christmas Day. I'm not sure what they did with the remainder of the box once the clock struck midnight.

Jar sauces being common, real women cook from scratch!
No one seems to live in terraced houses, all detached (crafty braggers!)

@DameCelia

But the whole point of this thread was to sneer at normal middle class behaviour, and rather weirdly to insist that it doesn't exist in real life. I can't imagine trying to insist that people paid minimum wage, or social housing or people wearing pyjamas to the shops don't exist just because I don't personally experience those things. The thread wasn't started lightheartedly at all, and I notice the op is being rather quiet.

Don't be obtuse - the the whole point of this thread was clearly NOT to sneer at anything, rather it was to be lighthearted. And I expect the OP is rather quiet because she's either (1) busy in RL (2) utterly depressed by the number of posters who clearly didn't understand her intentions and are doing their best to ruin an otherwise very fun thread.

Mumsnet would have me believe the following make up the majority of the population but in truth I've never met a single one.. Here are my mumsnet mythical beasts

The people who have paid off their mortgage by the age of 28... not via inheritance but by giving up coffees (how much coffee did they consume!)

The people who only pay £300 a month mortgage for a 5 bed.

All the people who are on 6 figure salaries by the age of 25

The people who have 7 year olds who already cook a full meal for the entire family and any child who doesn't is clearly molly coddled.

All the women who give up work completely and live off their husbands after having 1 child but see no risk attached to this.

Yep! We love leftovers and I like the challenge of making little scraps of food into tasty lunches.
@AlwaysLatte define leftovers.
Chicken,pork left over.Yes I'll make a meal out of that.

But Scraps of food sounds like scraping the plate back In to the pot to have tomorrow.

@numberoneson I’ve been in work. Got to put the hours in to pay for all that Lenor

Oooh, another one. Mumsnet is the only place where a child’s lunchbox must be consistently kept at -27° at all times. Heaven forbid timmys cheese sandwich organic endangered falafel, lovingly presented on a bed of artisanal rare breed giant quinoa with emancipated hummus might creep towards room temperature...

You want to know where all the dry ice supplies have gone? No, nothing to do with the pfizer vaccine! It’s been stockpiled by mumsnetters keeping Persephone and sebastians lunch at sub zero

@Deinosavros

It's always SEN or dementia. People are never just cunts. I always feel a bit sorry for people with SEN or dementia though, they must be perceived as having really cunty behaviour.

Was literally about to post this.

Don’t forget they also like to diagnose mental health! If someone is behaving like a twat, apparently they’re likely to have mental health issues.

Kinda sucks and is sad for those with SEN/mental health issues/dementia etc that they’re being thought of in this way.

So many on MN suddenly seem to have earned medical degrees overnight and have decided they are now qualified to diagnose all kinds of issues

So many on MN suddenly seem to have earned medical degrees overnight and have decided they are now qualified to diagnose all kinds of issues

I had one who suddenly became a professional beautician who administers Botox when she could not convince me that the single minimum dose I had had 12 months previously had completely frozen and stretched my face and EVERYONE could tell. I said that she must be terrible at her job if that was the kind of result she was getting even with infrequent, low doses and I never knew what she said after that because whatever it was got deleted for being abusive.

That's a MN thing, actually...thinking that Botox is a moral issue (obviously) but more to the point, that if you ever get it done, even a low and infrequent dose, you immediately become a spoon with hair and EVERYONE CAN TELL, it's SO OBVIOUS.

To be fair, I thought that too before I had it done.

Anyone who poops in anyone’s toilet is disgusting and should be named and shamed

Brat children must have special needs

The stepmother is always wrong

The honesty. If you admit to finding 10p on the street and then pocketing it you're called a thief and that whoever lost that coin needs it. If you can't find its rightful owner then you must put it in the nearest charity box because other people will make better use of it than you.

People who cry and shake and rage if their dc are given more than a single mini egg for Easter. The extras should be rationed and made to last until Christmas or given to the nearest food bank.

The hatred of any kind of professional photography - if you have a paid photographer at your wedding or some professionally shot portraits of your loved ones or, worst of all, any type of self portrait, then you're wasting your money, the images are "naff" (a word I only ever hear on here) and must never be put on display in your home. You are a raging narcissist if you display any photos of yourself.

Yes to the honesty on here, all the virtuous self declarations.

If an Op says that she feels bad because she got home and realised she hadn't paid for one of the tins in her trolley, she's always urged to go back immediately, confess and pay for it.
How could she live with herself? She's nothing but a common thief if she keeps it. In fact, she probably stole it subconsciously on purpose and should hand herself in to her local police station.

The answer to all slightly inconsiderate behaviour from young adult children is to kick them out and yet it's also considered outrageous to ask them to contribute to the running of the household financially.

All children are either gifted or have SN. No-one kids muddle through with average intelligence doing as little as they can get away with.

The only family holidays that are worth having are the ones spent camping in a damp (2nd hand) tent just outside Rhyll, having spent 11 hours catching a train and 2 buses to get there. Peeing into a bucket, ant infestations and foraging in hedge-bottoms for dinner are particular highlights that enriches and strengthens the familial bond and makes you feel morally superior

Naturally, forcing your children to holiday with you in a luxury hotel, somewhere hot and far away is selfish parenting. And, popping them in the hotel's excellent Kids' Club a few times (even if your kids are begging to go) is tantamount to child abuse and shows that you hate your own children.

@JimmyTheWeed

The obsession with mooncups on Mumsnet puzzles me. Irl,I've never known anyone who actually uses one of these! In fact,a friend of mine didn't even know what they were.

Agree, yet there was a lengthy recent thread, berating a (male) GP for not knowing about them.

I'm a GP and quite often ask women about sanitary protection, to try to gauge how heavy their flow is. I have never had anyone say they use a mooncup.

I know several people who use mooncups and love them, but I don't understand why. I hate the things.

I remember someone saying that girls should be issued mooncups and that would basically solve the issue of period poverty.

Threatening to report their own DC for meeting 2 friends in a garden.

LTB because he forgot to buy milk.

“Hoards” of people without masks in supermarkets (I rarely see anyone).

Made redundant? “Just find a new job. It’s easy.”

Insisting that it’s easy for 15 year olds to find a weekend job.

Dressing boys in pink welly’s or an Elsa dress etc.

Gender neutral baby clothing.

Children are all in bed for 7pm.

People being so uptight about porn and freaking if their partners watch it and apparently they are disgusting,must be porn addicts and just encouraging sexual abuse of women (no mention of the male porn stars).

Meh

Women like porn too but ssshhh because that would be far too much of a taboo subject

@thenewduchessofhastings

People being so uptight about porn and freaking if their partners watch it and apparently they are disgusting,must be porn addicts and just encouraging sexual abuse of women (no mention of the male porn stars).

Meh

Women like porn too but ssshhh because that would be far too much of a taboo subject

From what I've seen on here, if a woman mentions that she watches porn, she is told that she only thinks she likes it because society has conditioned her to think that way, and if she thinks about it hard enough she will realise that she is silly and wrong.

People who say that their house is soooo immaculate, then you visit on the hop and it bloody isn't.

@thenewduchessofhastings

People being so uptight about porn and freaking if their partners watch it and apparently they are disgusting,must be porn addicts and just encouraging sexual abuse of women (no mention of the male porn stars).

Meh

Women like porn too but ssshhh because that would be far too much of a taboo subject

That’s how the threads start, but then you get the people weighing in with a “cool girlfriend” agenda. OP says the porn is weird and focuses round something horrible like incest or choking and the Cool Girlfriend lot are straight in there to make OP feel like an uptight prude. Or OP says that last time their DH overused porn it led to cheating or buying sex and the Cool Girlfriend lot are like “don’t be ridiculous, ignore your instincts regarding this man who you’ve been married to for yonks and all his past behaviour and listen to us internet randoms instead”.

Like so much on this thread, there’s just no middle ground between two equally bonkers opposing viewpoints.

The first thread I ever read on MN chat was someone saying that she and a few others had been to another friends house for dinner and had lasagne, chips, garlic bread etc. She commented at the end of the meal that she'd eaten too many carbs but no one else seemed to be affected by it. All the responders were 'literally aghast' that she had criticised her 'hosts menu choice'.... I remember thinking that all she'd done was was just popped to a friend's for some tea and commented that she felt a bit podged. There was no 'menu choice' as such and certainly no criticism! I've always remembered the thread because it seemed such a bonkers reaction to a very normal and down to earth event!