Children attending school during lockdown (and a rant here, because I know I can't on social media)

[BoogleMcGroogle]

Several people I consider close friends (and sensible, kind people, on the whole) have shared their thoughts in general (online) chats about how angry they are about particular children in their kids' schools attending during lockdown and how they consider some to be 'taking advantage' or 'getting unfair help'. Others who I know less well, have done this more vigorously on social media. I've just come off the phone with a parent I work with in bits because she's also been at the receiving end of this nonsense. Her kids are adopted, they are entitled to a school place. My own son has a disability and is attending part-time. On the face of it, both me and this parent probably look to some like the sort of educated, comfortable parents who are 'playing the system' to get unfair help for their child.

So here goes:

If a child is attending school, that is because they are entitled to be there. Either by virtue of the fact that they have one or more parents trying to keep this country going through this shitstorm (and let's not underestimate the huge pressure having, for example, a doctor, nurse or teacher as a parent places on family life at the moment), or because, by virtue of trauma, disability or other adverse circumstances, they've had a hard time in life which means that they are particularly vulnerable to difficulties, both emotionally and educationally.

Just because you do not know why a child is in school, does not mean that they should not be there. Schools and parents make this choice carefully and together. Just because that child is in school, does not mean that teachers would not dearly love your child to be there too, and they are doing their best to make sure your child gets the support they need too. Just because a child is in school does not mean that their family does not care about lockdown or that they are having an easier time. Even if you think that your relationship with the school is a bit special (wife of the chair of governors, I'm looking at you, you should know better), you do not know, and are not entitled to know the circumstances of every family in the school.

Everyone is feeling exhausted and at times a bit cynical at the moment. But you are not going to feel better if you choose to express this by sharing views about the support vulnerable children should (or should not) deserve. What it is likely to do is wound someone who could really do without that at the moment. Try thinking the best of people. It's liberating.

Rant over!

Well said.

Luckily MN doesn't make the rules the government did. And the schools.

I heartily agree!

I agree completely. I would love for my children to be in school but at the moment they are not eligible and I don't begrudge anyone whose children do have a space.

Absolutely 👏🏻

Thankyou @BoogleMcGroogle for saying what I keep thinking but in a far better way!
My DD is going in 1 day a week. I don't work...... because I'm disabled and DD is a young carer. Its just the 2 of us and school means she gets a break and can be a 9 year old kid. I feel guilty enough without the sly digs and outright frothing at the mouth I've seen on here. I turned down a full time place for her as I figured there will be many others in a similar situation to us..... but that one day is a life line for us both x

2 children in our local hub where 1 parent is a key worker and the second is working from home, the non key worker parent doesn’t want to look after the child during the work day. They claimed lack of alternative childcare and said they’re having to go in to work (despite not having been in the office since March last year). Said parent has been very vocal about how glad he is the children go to the hub because he would “lose his shit” if he had to home school. School hub is now requesting proof of the need for a space, parents can’t provide proof.

There are many people who have their children in school without them needing to be in school purely because they can’t be fucked looking after their own children. Those are the people being judged, not the ones with children in school because they are vulnerable

The problem is that broadly I agree with you. But I have to admit that when I drop DS off because he has an IEP and is therefore allowed back, I am actively avoiding speaking to other parents because a) I don't want to have to justify his return and b) I'm 90% certain that some of the families I'm seeing are taking advantage of loopholes. And intellectually, I get that if they school has accepted them back, then it's allowed and I don't know everything. But it's hard to really feel that in my bones when a family where I know both parents are working from home are at school while another one in the same situation are having to just struggle through.

Hurrah! Well said!

You struggling through wouldn't change their situation though would it.

Martyring yourself to spare the feelings of those who given.the chance would probably send their kids in and not give you a second thought just seems stupid tbh

I am annoyed that multiple SENs and a history of not engaging with remote learning is not enough to get DS1 in (no EHCP because diagnosis was shortly before lockdown froze him out of school for 5.5 months)

I don't have any issue with the families that are in though.

DS presents as a very intelligent child, and his difficulties are not superficially obvious. If he did get in, it would not be obvious why.

BogRoll I’m sorry your son is struggling and can’t be in school. My son can’t really access remote learning either, so I know how stressful it is. Hopefully your boy will be back to school soon x

Well said

I cant imagine anyone having a problem with that. Or at least they shouldn't. But I do think the family I know where one parent works weekends in a food shop (off all week) and the other works from home in a non key worker role is taking advantage sending their three kids in. Yes, I understand that key workers need time off, but I don't follow the logic that they need 5 child free days and the other WFH parent cant homeschool either.

But I do think the family I know where one parent works weekends in a food shop (off all week) and the other works from home in a non key worker role is taking advantage sending their three kids in

Here lies the problem. This is what you know of their situation and the way you've written it here, yes it sounds unreasonable of them.

Problem is you have absolutely no idea what else might be going on for this family, what is best for them and what is best for their children. Yes there may be a very small minority 'playing the system' but I think they will be few and far between. Open your mind a bit, there is often much more to life than black and white.

quirrelsotherface I agree, this is the issue that I find infuriating. People see kids at school and interpret why they are there, based on what they know about the situation.

My son has an EHCP, mostly for a severe speech disorder which is by and large resolved. He talks a bit ‘funny’ bit few other parents would see him as a child with significant needs. Except he has huge issues using video to learn and refuses to do so because he’s embarrassed about his voice. That’s why he’s in school. So he can join in with the learning in a way he feels comfortable.

And if your child is adopted or has a hidden disability, for example, or if you are supported by social services, it’s absolutely no one else’s place to know, or to judge.

Thanks for this - people are just so uneducated. Both my kids are adopted and I am sending them in a couple of days a week. One also has a full EHCP. They need it - they have had enough disruption in their lives. I didn’t send them in back in the first Lockdown but have decided to exercise my right this time. For their sakes.

I may have agreed with you op, but then you used the word "entitled"!

It is not an "entitlement" to go into school during lockdown. Schools are open so parents who are critical workers can go to work, to keep the country going, that's it.

The government are still messing this up and it should be 2 (whole household) key worker families working out of the house! There are 2 many loop holes of who can attend, many parents sending children full time when they needn't! 1 parent at home. Government departments have also said only send children in, when you absolutely must. But this seems to have been lost! What they classes as vulnerable - I mean that could include every child. But those are were vulnerable in the first lockdown ruling, would get higher priority than one key worker families.

My school is operating as a school not childcare, the school days are the same. 2 breaks, a lunchtime all playing with friends. Home learning is the pre recorded videos plus teacher inputs. This feels unfair to the 50% of the class who aren't in and they will have a full term missed! Also the non key worker families, or those not sending their children in, are the ones, in the main, on their knees!

I say this as a family of 2 key workers who work outside of the house, who's child could (not entitled) to go into school and of someone who's in working in schools

I totally, totally agree. I do think it comes from a place of frustration though, people desperately want their children in school too and feel powerless and let down. We all have a 'reason' for our child being in too. It's not right to take it out on other parents though. I would never begrudge another child a place and I wouldn't judge anyone even for using a loophole as I would if I could. However even I've been struggling with those feelings the last couple of weeks. My DS is 3, was supposed to be starting preschool. He's an only, we have no family nearby, we live in a new area (just moved pre lockdown) and know no one, we couldn't afford nursery before this point. He has barely had any opportunity to play with other children since March. I'm really worried about him and I'm struggling seeing other children off to his preschool knowing that he should be with them and that lots of them know each other and play together anyway but that my child is completely isolated. But we aren't entitled to a place and so we'll just have to cross fingers that it's not too long until they can open again! So yeah, it's not on to berate parents but I think we're all struggling.

and it should be 2 (whole household) key worker families working out of the house!

No it shouldn't it been said loads of times why this wouldn't work and why it has been set that way.

No schools in Ireland open to anyone at all! Unions here have again blocked any schools for students with sn to open..

I’m a single parent key worker and I have a place allocated to my children. I haven’t needed to use it yet because of the way mine and my adult child’s shifts have worked together but I need it available as my adult child and I can sometimes work up to 12 hour shifts and if they fall on the same day then my Y7 child would be alone all day.

Everyone’s situation is so different I wouldn’t have a clue what the other children’s parents need them for - work, vulnerable etc - but the school
asked for proof of situation so I assume the ones in school have need to be there.

@Raxer26A

and it should be 2 (whole household) key worker families working out of the house!

No it shouldn't it been said loads of times why this wouldn't work and why it has been set that way.

Not good enough for our school in some age groups!

We were offered a place because of my husbands severe mental health issues. I'm a key worker, normally out of the home. Work then, off their own back, allowed me to work from home temporarily in a different role. Not everything is black and white. It is absolutely about what is best for the child. You cannot see everything, and I for one would absolutely never discuss my personal circumstances with anyone at the school gate

I know I'm unreasonable to be pissed off, but I feel upset and pissed off and angry on my children's behalf every single day at the moment.

I know on a logical level IABVU to feel annoyed at the furloughed mum down the road (married to a HCP) sending her kids in and then vlogging about exercising child free... clearly there are reasons for her kids to be in. Or my friend who only works 2 days a week, albeit as a teacher, whose kids are only allowed full time places so she has 3 days kid free. But the jealousy is real and does not reflect well on me, so I stay away from Facebook.

BoogleMcGroogle I'm glad you wrote this.
I read posts griping about 'other people' who 'have their children in school unfairly' and it does disappoint me.
It's easy to dream up anything about some nebulous group of 'other people', then project into them despised characteristics (often things we might notice in ourselves but disavow - such as 'selfishness', a willingness to grab scarce resources, and a willingness to cheat others for personal gain,) and bad motivations.

But by definition, they tend to be people you don't know well. We tend to be generous in our dealings with those who are no longer 'other people', who are our friends. We understand their motivations. We've humanised them.

So, by definition, when people are griping about 'other people' who are abusing school places, they don't know the full circumstances that have led to the child/ten being in school.

And nor should they. They don't have any right to know.

(And, yes, the government guidelines are pretty wise this time. And that's an issue. But it is a separate one from the - sometimes quite alarming - anger and resentment that seems to be in evidence about 'other people abusing the system'.)