Children attending school during lockdown (and a rant here, because I know I can't on social media)

[BoogleMcGroogle]

Several people I consider close friends (and sensible, kind people, on the whole) have shared their thoughts in general (online) chats about how angry they are about particular children in their kids' schools attending during lockdown and how they consider some to be 'taking advantage' or 'getting unfair help'. Others who I know less well, have done this more vigorously on social media. I've just come off the phone with a parent I work with in bits because she's also been at the receiving end of this nonsense. Her kids are adopted, they are entitled to a school place. My own son has a disability and is attending part-time. On the face of it, both me and this parent probably look to some like the sort of educated, comfortable parents who are 'playing the system' to get unfair help for their child.

So here goes:

If a child is attending school, that is because they are entitled to be there. Either by virtue of the fact that they have one or more parents trying to keep this country going through this shitstorm (and let's not underestimate the huge pressure having, for example, a doctor, nurse or teacher as a parent places on family life at the moment), or because, by virtue of trauma, disability or other adverse circumstances, they've had a hard time in life which means that they are particularly vulnerable to difficulties, both emotionally and educationally.

Just because you do not know why a child is in school, does not mean that they should not be there. Schools and parents make this choice carefully and together. Just because that child is in school, does not mean that teachers would not dearly love your child to be there too, and they are doing their best to make sure your child gets the support they need too. Just because a child is in school does not mean that their family does not care about lockdown or that they are having an easier time. Even if you think that your relationship with the school is a bit special (wife of the chair of governors, I'm looking at you, you should know better), you do not know, and are not entitled to know the circumstances of every family in the school.

Everyone is feeling exhausted and at times a bit cynical at the moment. But you are not going to feel better if you choose to express this by sharing views about the support vulnerable children should (or should not) deserve. What it is likely to do is wound someone who could really do without that at the moment. Try thinking the best of people. It's liberating.

Rant over!

Actually, I think the thing that worries me is just how much resentment and anger and division is coming to the surface in this pandemic.

People furious about old people, and trying to create a division between old and young; people trying to stir up divisions between groups on the priority vaccine list; people trying to uncover and build resentment between teachers and parents; people trying to incendiarise animosities between mask-wearers and non-mask wearers; people seeing life as a war between those with children in school and those without a place.

I know part of this is because life is scary and hard, and it's human to deal with fear/distress by finding a 'cause' and being angry.

But, my goodness, it's just depressing and worrying.

This stings a bit to read. I think it’s really hard to accept because it feels (please note I’m saying feels) unfair this time. I totally get that I don’t understand other people’s situations. But it’s that fact that there are so many more children in school for this lockdown and that some schools seem to not be assessing some families reasons as well.

It also really doesn’t feel good for people to say ‘kids being in school isn’t the easy option’. True for some, but not for everyone. It negates the experience of people who are really really struggling at home.

This is just another example of poor management of the situation by the government. Schools are acting within the rules - which are so broad that there can be a perceived unfairness in which children get a place in school.
We should be directing our ranting at the government, not fed up parents.
If I was making the decisions, we’d vaccinate school workers next week and ALL children would be back in school after half term. Clinically vulnerable parents should be given the option to keep their children off school a bit longer (without fear of a fine) whilst they wait for the vaccine to become more widely distributed.
As things stand at the moment, the government are giving no date when all children can return to the classroom. It is totally understandable that some parents are furious. Especially those who are unable to earn money while this is going on.

Agree thecat

Funny how a thread about children screaming around a restaurant will be full of people who will list a variety of reasons why it can't be helped how people should be more tolerant and how if you want a quiet meal dont pick.a family friendly place at lunch time akd how we can't know what that other family are going through.

But yet on a covid thread suddenly everyone knows everything about every one and there's no.set of circumstances that by MN judge jury and executioners is deemed acceptable to take a school place thats been allocated under government guide lines.

I'm.disgusted at how covid has given people cover to be a complete arsehole and how quickly the opportunity has been taken up.

It beats even the benefit and school place reporting threads.

I dont even know now anyone knows half this stuff. We supposedly haven't seen anyone in the best part of the year.

@Enidblyton1 yes absolutely.

I agree. DS attended KW in last lockdown and also is autistic. I was berated by another parent after he had said an inappropriate word in the playground to her son. I felt like saying THERE ARE OTHER REASONS KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL YOU IGNORANT TWAT

Hear, hear. Thank you!

and it should be 2 (whole household) key worker families working out of the house!

No it shouldn't.
I've been astounded by the amount of people who assume all jobs are the same and that everyone can wfh while looking after small children and homeschooling.

It's just not possible in some circumstances and this has been explained numerous times. People are either not intelligent enough to understand this or are just wilfully ignorant.

@Raxer26A

and it should be 2 (whole household) key worker families working out of the house!

No it shouldn't it been said loads of times why this wouldn't work and why it has been set that way.

This is actually the reality in many schools though, as council's and heads have had to add further rules to limit numbers. DC's school requires 2 KW, or 1 KW with a parent that is out of the house all day. DH is a teacher and I WFH FT (solicitor) and we are not provided a place.

My grandson (single-parent critical worker mum) goes in 3 days a week. He is not taught and sits doing the same virtual lessons as on the days he is at home. What he does get is supervision so mum can go to work so he's not getting more/a better education than those who don't attend. We need to trust the schools as to who they admit at the moment.

Yep it seems that lockdown brings out the worst in people, it makes them judgey and feel entitled to tell other people what to do.

See also - people who go to the park and then complain on social media about all the other people in the park making it busy

As long as no one is breaking the rules, people need to wind their necks in.

Yeah and anyone who has a problem with it, if they’re struggling to deal with their kids behaviour, maybe need to reflect on their own parenting and take responsibility it.

@BumbleFlump

Yeah and anyone who has a problem with it, if they’re struggling to deal with their kids behaviour, maybe need to reflect on their own parenting and take responsibility it.

That’s a bit unfair. My kids are pretty well behaved, but two adults working ft with two primary school kids just doesn’t work very well in terms of hours in the day.

Sorry also meant to say what about single parents wfh with small kids. People juggling SEND issues, mental health problems.

I’m lucky DH and I are working and we can be flexible with working hours (when they are, eg at night) but it’s still hard, even with those factors.

Thank you for this post. I know I'm doing the right thing sending DS in full time but the guilt I feel is not normal!!!

Yeah and anyone who has a problem with it, if they’re struggling to deal with their kids behaviour, maybe need to reflect on their own parenting and take responsibility it.

Honestly, just FUCK OFF.

My children are lovely kids but we are both trying to work while home educating infant school children. Their behaviour is not the fucking issue. They are having no social contact with anyone outside of their family, I am doing nothing well. It's just HARD, ok? And I'm jealous, and angry, and that is silly of me, and I know it, but it's FUCKING HARD.

Haters will be haters op. Ignore the passive aggressive gossips and be glad that you dc is in school.

It's a competition for resources. In an unequal society such as the UK people are used to getting their way with sharp elbows rather than through fair distribution. Another posters mentioned vaccine envy, now we have key worker school envy, tier envy, bubble envy and what not.

Lockdown is absolute shit. We have to get through it as best we can and people will have different experiences while getting through it. Some live in houses with enormous gardens, some in tiny flats in inner cities. Some have key worker school and some have access to bubbles. Some get sick, some don't. What's the point in gossiping on social media about children who are allowed to go to school, it's pretty low.

Ignore the posters who are -quite obviously - taking this as an opportunity to make a bad situation worse, be deliberately inflammatory, and just take the chance to make people feel bad.

There's something deeply amiss in people like that. Some deep pool of sadness, that has curdled to anger and a desire to hurt.

They'll look for vulnerable people, people struggling, and just try and push - because it alleviates feelings inside themselves if they can see they've provoked a reaction.

It's their problem. Don't make it yours.

'Competition for resources.'

Yes. That's it.

It's worth pointing out that it doesn't have to be this way.

It's as though we've been trained - for a decade - to see our lives as being about resources being taken away, and having to fiercely protect what we have, and scrabble ferociously for what we can.

And that mind-set is turning the experience of the pandemic into the most horrible, vicious shit-show.

But, you know, we really can offer each other solidarity, understanding, support, compassion and generosity instead.

@Raxer26A

and it should be 2 (whole household) key worker families working out of the house!

No it shouldn't it been said loads of times why this wouldn't work and why it has been set that way.

So an Asda worker and a furloughed hairdresser have the same right to send their child to school as a nhs doctor and a full time marketing person wfh. Nothing against either set of jobs just showing the disparity in the 1 key worker family.

In the governments great plan, both should get a place as 1 parent a key worker! Schools are having to do their own limits, as they should, and prioritise children who need it, not just "entitled" to it.

@SueEllenMishke

and it should be 2 (whole household) key worker families working out of the house!

No it shouldn't.
I've been astounded by the amount of people who assume all jobs are the same and that everyone can wfh while looking after small children and homeschooling.

It's just not possible in some circumstances and this has been explained numerous times. People are either not intelligent enough to understand this or are just wilfully ignorant.

Many jobs are not impossible to do, with children at home with them. But many without the key worker label are still having to do it though for months on end again. Is my argument!

Most people were referring to the point that both parents must be working out of the home.

You can both be key workers who wfh and still need to use a school place.

Many jobs are not impossible to do, with children at home with them. But many without the key worker label are still having to do it though for months on end again. Is my argument!

But some are - and that's my argument!

It's not fair. I know it isn't. We weren't able to use a kw place last time and it pretty much broke me.
The nature of my job is different at this time of year and thankfully we're able to use a school place on a part time basis otherwise it would be impossible to do elements of my job and homeschool.

OP I completely understand why you feel the way you do and the points you make are all valid. However, being in school I see many children who have "keyworker" parents who are working from home or working shifts but sending their children in every day. Why should I have to put my health at risk to babysit their children? While no teacher resents being there for the children who really need it, we do question the many many others who may not.

The numbers we are having to accommodate this time round are so much than last time and the Government's criteria for who qualifies as a keyworker has been greatly expanded.

Many schools are operating at about 50% capacity with all staff in every day and most have staff in for at least three or four days a week. This is, of course, in addition to having to set and mark the work that children at home are doing online.

While no teacher resents being there for the children who really need it, we do question the many many others who may not

But wasn't it the school that emailed those parents in the first place?