Children attending school during lockdown (and a rant here, because I know I can't on social media)

[BoogleMcGroogle]

Several people I consider close friends (and sensible, kind people, on the whole) have shared their thoughts in general (online) chats about how angry they are about particular children in their kids' schools attending during lockdown and how they consider some to be 'taking advantage' or 'getting unfair help'. Others who I know less well, have done this more vigorously on social media. I've just come off the phone with a parent I work with in bits because she's also been at the receiving end of this nonsense. Her kids are adopted, they are entitled to a school place. My own son has a disability and is attending part-time. On the face of it, both me and this parent probably look to some like the sort of educated, comfortable parents who are 'playing the system' to get unfair help for their child.

So here goes:

If a child is attending school, that is because they are entitled to be there. Either by virtue of the fact that they have one or more parents trying to keep this country going through this shitstorm (and let's not underestimate the huge pressure having, for example, a doctor, nurse or teacher as a parent places on family life at the moment), or because, by virtue of trauma, disability or other adverse circumstances, they've had a hard time in life which means that they are particularly vulnerable to difficulties, both emotionally and educationally.

Just because you do not know why a child is in school, does not mean that they should not be there. Schools and parents make this choice carefully and together. Just because that child is in school, does not mean that teachers would not dearly love your child to be there too, and they are doing their best to make sure your child gets the support they need too. Just because a child is in school does not mean that their family does not care about lockdown or that they are having an easier time. Even if you think that your relationship with the school is a bit special (wife of the chair of governors, I'm looking at you, you should know better), you do not know, and are not entitled to know the circumstances of every family in the school.

Everyone is feeling exhausted and at times a bit cynical at the moment. But you are not going to feel better if you choose to express this by sharing views about the support vulnerable children should (or should not) deserve. What it is likely to do is wound someone who could really do without that at the moment. Try thinking the best of people. It's liberating.

Rant over!

No, vulnerable children were specifically invited into school. Any other family had to fill in a form stating why they needed the provision.

My dds school emailed all those on the priority list.

Seems a bit strange to inform.parents they are on the list, some.of whom.probably had no idea they were, then complain they attend

BiggerBoat
I think there was an implicit point in the OP's point:

People are turning in other parents about the allocation of the 'resource' of school places.

That's pretty horrible. And it's very horrible for the parents of those with 'hidden' reasons for sending their children in.

There is a world of difference between (a) directing your questions towards the government's decisions about allocations and (b) turning on other parents and having a bad situation descend into a dog-fight between parents about the allocation of school places.

(B) turns schooling into a 'resource' and is governed by a really horrible austerity and all-against-all mentality.

And, you know, I think this is what happens when that mentality has been consciously engineered in public and political life, as a means of governance. It's not accidental. And it's a feature of populism.

And we can see where it leads: the hoover menu is no longer governing - or felt to be governing - in the interests of the greater good, but is understood as eking out increasingly scant resources to those who can position themselves to best grab those resources.

It's horrible to see.

I'm a key worker, as is my partner. I have a 13yo who is classed as vulnerable and was offered a place. As I'm at home during the day I declined the offer as dd is happy to stay at home. If I felt being in school would be better for her and she felt the same I would absolutely send her.
My 5yo on the other hand hasn't been to school despite being offered a place and won't be going back until schools reopen.
I agree with others, just because someone is at home during the day and their child is at school does not automatically mean that the parent can't be arsed looking after their kids, yes, some parents will take the piss but that's the minority.
Nobody knows the real circumstances of any family, it's hard for everyone right now regardless of whether their kids are in school or not.

It's important to remember that the average attendance in schools is still only 20% - yes there are schools that are higher (my son is in a class of 18 which is worrying) but generally it is still very small class sizes. Most parents I know using the key worker places have children in classes of 10 or less. It is still a big increase to lockdown one but I do think things have been a bit over dramatised about how 'rammed' schools are. There are very few schools with more than half the kids in - in fact the only one I know of near us is a private school with lots of doctor parents.
It was always going to be a much higher uptake this time.
Parents were absolutely in bits at the end of the last school closure and all last term were worried about possible school closures. More parents have to work and employers expect parents to use the key worker places.
The guilt of sending your child in is pretty immense and not helped by a lot of judgement.

to those who can position themselves to best grab those resources.

Interestingly with key worker places, it is often families who are not members of the sharp elbowed middle classes who get access to this scarce resource. This really annoys some people. Imagine that you have moved to a very expensive area to get your dc into a sought after state school, both parents are working in professional jobs to afford the large mortgage that comes with this lifestyle choice and now it is the children of low-paid carers and Asda employee whose dc who are able to access this important resource. The resource is not just education because KW kids get the same as kids at home, the resource is time.

It sucks, especially for families where both parents work or whose dc don't engage well with the online provision. It really is hard and horrible and unfair and many people are struggling but key worker places aren't a luxury, they are there to allow society to keep functioning during the pandemic.

If you feel angry and jealous about a primary aged child going to school, think again and ask yourself, do you want to be that kind of petty and jealous person? It's not pleasant.

Thirtyrock39

Yes.

It's probably worth pointing out that there is - in reality - a lack of government support for workers.

Instead of turning on other parents, we could ask ourselves why there is so little support to cut working hours, share work out, allow businesses to furlough, etc.

And to have instituted the safer schooling measures other countries introduced, way back last year.

This isn't the fault of other parents, 'cheating'.

Turning in each other stops us from coming together and demanding better for all of us.

I find it interesting how many people have been quite openly jealous of my child with SEN being at school. It’s funny how they’ve never been jealous of the phone calls to “come and get him because he’s not coping”, the “no he can’t go on the trip unless you come too”, the endless appointments, the fight for adequate support, the worry, the embarrassment over child’s behaviour, the nagging fear about DC as an adult... no it’s all eclipsed by a few weeks of in person school. I have other children at home, I’m not getting child free time and the most openly jealous person doesn’t work and doesn’t need childcare. It’s purely a fear that my child is getting an “advantage” her entirely NT child isn’t, which in the context of children with SEN and education is just laughable. And very sad.

The person who, in front of my child, started quizzing me about exactly why he was at school and what his issues were was given very short shrift.

@Theotherrudolph

I find it interesting how many people have been quite openly jealous of my child with SEN being at school. It’s funny how they’ve never been jealous of the phone calls to “come and get him because he’s not coping”, the “no he can’t go on the trip unless you come too”, the endless appointments, the fight for adequate support, the worry, the embarrassment over child’s behaviour, the nagging fear about DC as an adult... no it’s all eclipsed by a few weeks of in person school. I have other children at home, I’m not getting child free time and the most openly jealous person doesn’t work and doesn’t need childcare. It’s purely a fear that my child is getting an “advantage” her entirely NT child isn’t, which in the context of children with SEN and education is just laughable. And very sad.

The person who, in front of my child, started quizzing me about exactly why he was at school and what his issues were was given very short shrift.

Amen. This. So much this. I find myself flinching and avoiding other parents eyes when I'm dropping off DS but the reality is that if they had the opportunity to truly swap places I doubt they would. Not if they had to deal with all the other stuff.

It's mesmerizing how people know how many children/who are in school, etc, if their children aren't in school, because I truly don't know. It's non of my business who is key worker's children, or who is in vulnerable category.
I only see the ranting of those parents complaining on MN.

It's mesmerizing how people know how many children/who are in school, etc, if their children aren't in school, because I truly don't know. It's non of my business who is key worker's children, or who is in vulnerable category
I only see the ranting of those parents complaining on MN

Well frankly they are either gossips who have sudden realised the know bugger all despite thinking they are king or queen of all things playground and they can't deal with the very daunting realisation they aren't as in the know as they thought.

Or they have all broken the lockdown rules themselves to stand around gossiping with their groupies.

For people so adamant they are so busy working and homeschooling their children they seem to have an.awful lot of time to facebook/WhatsApp/talk about other people...