Feeling guilty about DS (3.5 years old)

[ChallengerDeep]

I have 2 DC, a 3.5 years old and a 1 year old.

My eldest has some delays, mainly language and his nursery has produced a report which I received yesterday, highlighting the areas of improvement and the need to support him.

I've known he needs extra support for a while, but only spoke to my HV in August, as he was my first DC and I listened to all those telling he was going to catch up.

So to paint a picture, DS struggles with instructions, unless he's something he likes doing likes closing door (he's obsessed about that); he cannot wash his hands, or dress himself. He can drink from a cup, but insist on a bottle, it soothes him.

His range of interests is pretty narrow, basically he only wants to play with animals. That's it. He has started recently playing with blocks, he loves stacking them.

He knows lots of difficult words, but he cannot answer questions, especially "Yes or No " type of questions. He just smiles and says nothing or doesn't look.

He was a late talker, but we thought he would catch up, he hasn't.

He has little fine motor skills, despite encouragement he cannot draw, or do a puzzle, or hold cutlery.

I'm feeling very sad and guilty, as I alerted the HV too late, I should have phoned in earlier, and now he's struggling. He's a very happy little boy, but behind his age and his peers.

Don't feel guilty. It takes time for a picture to build up anyway, and add in reduced contact with professionals and peers, you're doing fine.

DS1 seemed to stall on his language development at about 2. I raised it with the HVs at 2.5 when they came for DS2's baby checks. He was a little behind, but they weren't worried as it was the low end of normal range. It was 3.5 when he was behind enough for SALT referral which was agreed with nursery. He was up to speed for starting school just before his 5th birthday and signed off at 6. The ASD diagnosis was shortly before 9 as other issues and patterns emerged with age.

My point isn't about any particular diagnoses, but that it is a slow process with a lot of waiting to see if they catch up or fall behind into the intervention zone. Patterns become clearer with time.

@BogRollBOGOF thanks, if you don't mind me asking, what sort of patterns emerged with age?