How to do a reading at a funeral without sobbing

[Definitelynotlazy]

It's my mum's funeral this week. I would like to say just a few words and read a short poem thing.
I want to do it well and I even want to smile and be brave for her.
Trouble is I am having trouble not crying.
Any tips to keep a stiff upper lip long enough to do this?

Oh gosh, I'm sorry for your loss.

Practice. Breathe deeply. Take your time. Think of a happy time with her to conjure in your mind as you read it. Breathe.

My tips would be not to catch anyone's eye, if you look up look straight over everyone. It was looking at people that got me!

Good luck by the way, hope it goes well

Don't look at anyone - focus above all their heads so it looks like you are.

Didn't want to read and run... Practice practice practice and try as best you can to focus when reading as if you're somewhere else (mad I know but worked for me). Pretend you're reading a letter you just got in the post also works well. Best of luck OP, I'm sure she'd be really proud

I would say not meeting anyone's eyes too, that's what got me. My DH practised and practised for his DDad's and got a lot of crying out while doing so, I think it helped on the day. I'm really sorry for your loss x

I'm .so sorry for your loss.

Practise it until you can pretty much recite it. Look above peoples heads rather than at them.

Have a back up person who can read what you've written if you really feel at the last moment you can't do it.

I think practising until you can control your breathing really well. I've had to read, play violin and sing at the funerals of people close to me and practicing til the emotion that the song or words evoked didn't spill over was the only way I could do it.

Im so sorry for your loss. Read it out loud over and over and over again. Eventually that will take the emotion out of it for you. I had to do this recently for a close family member's funeral and it worked. Initially couldnt get through it without breaking down but the more I read it the easier it became. Good luck, you'll do her proud xxx

Can you have someone there to takeover if it gets too much? I read a poem at my dad's funeral. I just concentrated looking at the words and didn't dare look at anyone. DH and the celebrant were both ready to takeover if needed. Did collapse in tears afterwards.

So sorry for your loss

I've done exactly this. My advice is that, although I hope you get through it as you wish to, even if you do get emotional, that would be OK, it's not a failure, everyone would understand, including your mum.

My dad died on Friday and I feel exactly the same as you.
I want to do a reading as it is more personal but whats the point if nobody can understand me!

My friend made the point that letting the vicar/celebraten do it is perfectly fine and at least that way your words will be clear and heard.
I am undecided.

I am hand holding OP

I pretended I was doing a work presentation. That and not catching anybody's eye was the only way I got through it. I was worried it'd be a bit clinical to the other people there but I really wanted to do the person justice and I felt I had to get through to the end of it.

Good luck, and I am so sorry for your loss.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I agree about practising. In general, if you slightly lower your voice and slow it down, you will keep better control. If you get that tightening feeling in the back of your throat, lower your voice and speak as slowly as you can. If you stop or hurry, you're more likely to cry.

Posture helps too. If you can, just before you speak, take a breath in. Put your shoulders back and lift your head. The more you stand in an open posture, the better.

But also: remember if you cry, you cry. Your mum would be so proud of you. If you find you need to cry, that will have been the right thing to do. If you do cry, just take your time. If you think you will cry, you could start by saying 'I may get overwhelmed, so if I have to stop for a minute, I want to ask you all to think of a special memory of [mumsname]'? Then everyone will know what to do, and you can take a moment if you need one.

I'm very sorry for your loss I've done readings several times, at weddings as well as funerals ... Yes to practising a lot beforehand, pretend you are somebody else, look at the back of the room not directly at people. Take a deep breath beforehand and mark breathing spots in the reading so you don't run out of breath. Don't think about how proud your mum would be until you've finished. Then have a good cry

I accidently did this a couple of weeks ago for my dad. My mum, husband and I wrote something together for my husband to say but he became very emotional (probably due to being so strong for us that he had forgotten to grieve himself) & broke down mid way through so we ended up delivering it together. Up until then I was in pieces but I found I so badly wanted people to hear the beautiful tribute that we had written that I found the strength. I even smiled. I am very very glad I did it. Could you have someone to support you whilst you are up there maybe? I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a gut wrenching time.

@LastRoloIsMine I am so sorry xxx
@SugarMiceInTheRain Fortunately no one will ever ask me to play the violin! I might think of that to keep me on track!

Thank you, this is actually very helpful, although making me a little choked reading it. I will definitely practice and the tips about not making eye contact sound good.

I am having to listen to the funeral songs daily so I can cope with them!

I think there is no way to really know how you will be until you are there.

I read a poem I wrote at my youngest child's funeral. It was hard, but surprisingly I didn't cry. It may be because I wrote it, so the emotion was felt through my words, rather than having to 'feel' them.

I read at my brother's funeral last year (again I wrote a poem for him), others cried at it (one because her mum had recently died and it brought up memories).

My dad was supposed to conduct my brother's funeral. He'd seen me for my child, so was sure he could do it for his. He's a very strong man, so we thought he'd be fine. He fell to pieces, really fell to pieces. It was left to my mum - unprepared, to take over and read for him.

So you may well be surprised at your strength. Tears are fine. They're just salty drops of love. Whether you cry or not, your mum will be so proud of you.

I am so sorry for your loss

The other thing is, it's on a webcast too (Covid stuff, so people who can't be there can see it), so I am aware I am being recorded just to add to the fun.

@SarahAndQuack I have just tried the posture thing and that felt pretty good.

You are all so blinking brave!

Much love to everyone x

Yes. I had exactly the same difficulty at my Mums funeral.

I moved my reading so I went first which allowed time to grieve for the rest of the service.

This sounds a bit daft but I find that digging my fingernails into the palms of my hands helps. This has worked for me in some very sad situations. Also do have someone ready to take over just in case. Hopefully you won’t need them but it will not matter if you do.

I pinched the inside of my wrist the whole way through a eulogy. It hurt, but between the pain from that and focusing on the reading I couldn’t also cry.

This is probably not the healthiest thing to do as a disclaimer but does work.

@Definitelynotlazy

The other thing is, it's on a webcast too (Covid stuff, so people who can't be there can see it), so I am aware I am being recorded just to add to the fun.

@SarahAndQuack I have just tried the posture thing and that felt pretty good.

Good luck!

I am absolutely sure that what you want to say will shine through. I hope the day brings you some peace.

I moved my reading so I went first which allowed time to grieve for the rest of the service.

Yes, my dad's funeral was just under a month ago, and I went first too for this reason. I was surprisingly calm when it came to it, but I did practice a lot beforehand and DP was all ready to step in and take over, and I said to the celebrant (who was wonderful) that I would prefer him to do it if I couldn't.