How to do a reading at a funeral without sobbing

[Definitelynotlazy]

It's my mum's funeral this week. I would like to say just a few words and read a short poem thing.
I want to do it well and I even want to smile and be brave for her.
Trouble is I am having trouble not crying.
Any tips to keep a stiff upper lip long enough to do this?

Everything every one has said will help, adrenaline will get you through it, have a banana or something small half an hour before, that will help control the shakes, and try and detach up to that point. If you’re doing the order of services maybe put yourself on before the eulogy, for two reasons, you want to be able to listen to it, and it may cut you up more.

Also have a word with the officiant beforehand, I have been to many funerals where the reader became overwhelmed and our lovely vicar stepped in, let her/him know what you would like them to do if you need help. This takes the pressure off you worrying about ruining things (which I promise, you won’t).

So sorry for your loss.

The way I muddled through was by looking at the coffin, as though I was talking to my deceased relative. Every now and then I looked into the crowd but not for long.

You may be surprised with the strength you feel once you stand up to talk. Don't be too worried about crying, it is a very emotional day and everybody within that room will feel the same sadness that you feel.

Once again, so sorry for your loss.

Squeeze your bum cheeks

Practice the reading and try it

Sorry for your loss, never and easy time but this does make things so much harder

Some brilliant coping mechanisms from squeezing bum cheeks to Margaret Thatcher here and I am reading and appreciating them all.
Been practicing this morning and can get to the third from last line now before I start blarting. Voice sounds shaky. Still got a couple of days to go so I will do this.
(Interrupted on last run through by Hermes, delivery guy looked alarmed when puffy eyed, teary woman on the edge opened the door! )

I read a poem when my dad died. I am still so grateful that I did it. The way I managed was to practice in front of people. So I read it to my husband and my mum etc. We had a family run through. Initially I was absolutely too chilled to read but on the day I did it. I did accidentally look at my uncle (dad's brother) during my reading and it nearly floored me so I would suggest it looking directly at anyone. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Choked not chilled

I agree with previous posters, especially about the breathing and practing reading slowly in advance. My only other suggestion would be to avoid looking at the photos on the service sheet... seeing my friend Tracey smiling up at me looking so young, happy and healthy was a real shock after getting so used to supporting the poorly one, luckily I was in the middle of the congregation and no one noticed. This knowledge helped me so much at dads funeral recently, we put the pictures on the front and the back and I turned to page one without looking so that I could keep my composure... Best wishes OP. I'm sure whatever happens you'll do them proud.

I am very much hoping that some 'on the day' composure kicks in.
I held her hand when she died and managed not to cry because I was in full space suit PPE and I wouldn't have been able to breath, see or blow my nose, so I know I have some inner strength and pragmatism, it just seems to be well hidden currently.

I printed my words out in huge font. So even with teary eyes I could still see the words.. And practiced for days.
Sorry for your loss.

So sorry Definitely I'm glad she had you there even though I can't imagine how hard it was for you. The saddest thing I felt about my dads death was that he died alone at home and I just hope it was fast and he didn't feel much.

@Definitelynotlazy blarting - are you from the Black Country? Not heard blarting for years.

You will get through it, one way or another. If you keep your composure or can't carry on, either way is ok. Everyone watching will be rooting for you.

Love to all who have had losses

When I've had to do this, I imagine I'm reading the news. But your audience will be people who love you the most and no one will mind if you do lose it

Good luck.

Can it be fairly early on in the service?

I practiced and practiced and tried to detach myself from what I was reading. At the time it actually felt like an out of body experience, like it wasn’t really me standing there reading . I was saying the words but not hearing them.
I didn’t look anyone in the eye until the end. I blocked out the sniffles from my family and friends. I was so determined to do my dad proud I managed to stay strong.

I’m so sorry you are going through this, it’s truly awful. You are so brave and strong, you can do this xx

I am very sorry for your loss. One thing which helped a bit when I needed to do a reading at my father-in-law’s funeral was to visit the church quietly and on my own in the run-up to it and imagine the church full of people who knew and loved him. That way it wasn’t such a huge thing to see all those faces out there on the day. And as others have said, it might help to pick out a spot on the back wall of whichever building you are in to focus on if you feel able to lift your head whilst you are reading. I hope it is as “ok” as it can be on the day.

Practice, speak slowly and have a plan b, someone who can take over if needed to reduce the pressure. In 9 years of organising funerals, it's only on a handful of occasions people have had to stop the reading/eulogy - I think something kicks in and people do manage what seems before impossible

Lots of great advice on here already so I've just come on top say that if you can't get through without crying it really won't matter. Grief is a terrible but natural emotion. It's ok to show it.

My dd wanted to speak at FIL's funeral a few years ago. She was probably about 15 at the time. She was very close to her grandad and wrote some words herself. She sobbed all the way through but managed to keep going and it was fine. In a way, I think that getting the emotions out may have been quite cathartic for her. We were all touched by it and admired her for being able to stand up in the first place.

I did it. I was fine. I pretty much inhaled a packet of polos whilst I was waiting, removed myself from the emotion by seeing how many words I could make out of my mum's name on the order of service, delivered my reading with dignity and held it together until I got back in the car!

Thank you for all the help.

I am now on my second very large glass of wine.

Good for you! I am so glad it went well. It sounds as if it was a beautiful service.

Please take care of yourself.

Glad it went well

Well done. You should be really proud of yourself.

Well done definitely.

May your mum rest in peace.

And enjoy your

Glad it went well. Take care of yourself, I am sure you did your mum proud

Practice lots. Say at the beginning you are likely to cry. It will allow you to get over the worry of crying. It really doesn't matter if you do cry. Give the vicar or other person a copy to take over if needed x

I’m sure that you’ll do her proud. Just know that everyone there will be there because they want to support you and because they loved your mum. That thought was a big comfort to me.

When I was reading the eulogies for my parents, I did it as if I was telling someone new about them. As if they hadn’t died, but just weren’t there. It worked at my mum’s funeral. So I did the same at my dad’s funeral.
The hardest point was when my sister was reading a letter that my dad’s best friend sent over (he was too poorly to travel from Oz for the funeral - but they’d known each other since they were kids at boarding). She lost it and then I almost did.

Wishing you all the very best xx