What did/would you do at the birth of your second child..

[Timona]

..if you had no friends/relatives, to help?
If you had no one to look after your first child other than the father, I'm guessing you'd have to give birth alone, which seems scary!
Do many women do this?
If you have, what was it like giving birth without support?

I would try to find a babysitter / childminder. Or find a doula to be there for the birth. Giving birth alone would not be my first choice.

My first child was present at the birth of my second.

I would do it alone but I appreciate this isn’t for everyone.

Homebirth?

@LouNatics

My first child was present at the birth of my second.

That's interesting! How old was your first child?

I had broken up with my child’s father before she was born so I gave birth alone. Didn’t bother me in the slightest, but I’m very independent. I did have a wonderful midwife though who was completely in sync with me.

Home birth, doula and baby sitters are really good points! However with the home birth I'd be worried about traumatising the child with my screams 😅 maybe it depends on the age of the first child and their personality, my 5 year old would definitely be very upset!

@TheFoz

I had broken up with my child’s father before she was born so I gave birth alone. Didn’t bother me in the slightest, but I’m very independent. I did have a wonderful midwife though who was completely in sync with me.

That is nice to hear, I'm glad you had a lovely midwife!

Babysitter, as you have time for them to meet and get to know your first before you need them .

When you say no friends to help.. are you actually sure about that? I know covid makes everything tricky, but during normal times, I bet even casual acquaintances or your dcs friends parents would probably be willing to help out.

@formerbabe

When you say no friends to help.. are you actually sure about that? I know covid makes everything tricky, but during normal times, I bet even casual acquaintances or your dcs friends parents would probably be willing to help out.

But how? I mean, you could easily go into labour at 3am, I don’t think many casual acquaintances would be up for that!

Did It alone, was fine.lovely midwives. Dad came and saw baby when gps arrived to mind older child.

I asked my neighbour if they would baby sit when time came. they said yes but then weren,t there when needed found another friend instead. Neighbours did ook after aolder one another day when second was in scbu. The last year a loot of mums have given birth alone.(well without a partner)

I had my third on my own as DH had to look after the older two who were 1 and 2 at the time.

It was by far my nicest birth

Midwives were so amazing and really took care of me. They even ran me a bath and got all mine and the babies stuff out and on the bed afterwards, they did everything a birth partner would do really.

My dc was nearly five and really enjoyed being ther. Not that they knew any different, for a couple of years they were v. Excited when their friends got siblings and asked them all about the birth, as they just took it as a standard family occasion. The younger dc asks for stories of when they were born. I did a lot of work to prepare them for what they would see and hear and they were fine with it. We did live quite rurally then and dc knew how other animals gave birth so it wasn’t too much of a stretch. We got the book hello baby all about the night when your new baby is born.

@formerbabe

When you say no friends to help.. are you actually sure about that? I know covid makes everything tricky, but during normal times, I bet even casual acquaintances or your dcs friends parents would probably be willing to help out.

Yes, for me it would be no friends 🙈. Although I do have family a few hours drive away, my OH has fallen out with them so having them come to stay in preparation for the birth wouldn't really be an option.

I would definitely help an acquaintance in those circumstances, september!

Several of my friends had toddlers present at home birth. It wasn’t for me. But if I’d had no childcare options I probably would have considered it.

I am certain that acquaintances would help. If not, a babysitting agency? Or a nanny on standby? Not sure how much that would cost!

I would give birth alone if I had to, but being honest I really wanted my dp there. I think I would ask for help from people I knew more distantly tbh. When I had my second I had a couple of people I knew from a toddlers group offered to have dd1 if I was stuck (we are rural and they knew we don't have family close).

I'd much rather have a home birth with two midwives, partner and child by my side than alone in hospital. I did in fact do this, and my daughter loved watching her sister be born in the pool and wasn't traumatised at all. It can be very calming to have your children there and there are books and blogs about siblings at births. Off the top of my head Hello Baby by Jenny Overend, Our Water Baby by Amy MacLean and Runa's Birth (can't remember author). But if you ask on any home birth group/forum you will find most babies are born in the night when siblings are sleeping. Then hearing you shout if you do doesn't have to be traumatic.

I'm due in August and DD will be 2.5, I'm planning a home birth and I think she'll be with us.

I know MIL would come but she'd be about an hour, upstairs neighbour would probably help short term and probably a few local acquaintances would too but as we've not seen most of them much/at all since she was just over 1 I don't think she'd be happy at all. She goes the nursery but I'm due when she'll be off so I probably can't hope for her to be conveniently there for the birth.

Currently pregnant with my second although not due until June and if I have to go it alone so be it. There's a chance I'll be having a CS so if I'm on my own I can ask for no screen which my squeamish
DH really wouldn't be onboard with.

I am in a similar situation and mentally preparing to give birth without DH there. My family are 2 hrs away and dh's parents refuse to have contact with our toddler until they have had covid jab as we are both college lecturers :(

I gave birth alone to my 2nd while dad and 2yr old slept. It was lovely. I think the thing where part of uou is wondering/ worrying about how HE is doing is waaaaaaay more distracting than it is helpful. Like PP the midwives were gorgeous. The birth was over in 45mins - I pushed 3 times. It was amazing. If I gave birth again, it would be alone. Maybe I am some sort of idiot who does not partner correctly but I felt the male/ slightly worried/ no understanding of pg orchildbirth energy a pointless distraction in the birth room. I'll be encoraging my DD tp take a woman who has given birth in as a birth partner rather than a bloke

Had a home birth for this reason. Had a quick labour with #1 so no family who could have got to us in time and was pretty sure it would happen overnight (it did) so didn't want to be calling friends at 3am. It was lovely and DS (nearly 2 at the time) slept until 5 minutes before it happened (I think I got loud at that point and woke him) so he watched his sibling being born without being too much of a distraction.

I had dh with me for all 3 of ours although the third time especially he just pissed me off and I really didn’t need him - what practical use is he when he can’t actually give birth? The midwives were brilliant, I didn’t have faffy requirements like music, candles, (didn’t mean the word faffy to be insulting, can’t think how to word it) anything that I needed setting up etc. Just me, a bed and the midwives!
Someone I met on the school run was pg with her second and told me that she would be going to the hospital alone as they didn’t really have any friends or family here and her dh would have to stay home with their dc1. I offered to help with her older child and gave her my number as did another lady who she met at school but she said at the time she would be absolutely fine on her own and did it herself.
Obvi