What did/would you do at the birth of your second child..

[Timona]

..if you had no friends/relatives, to help?
If you had no one to look after your first child other than the father, I'm guessing you'd have to give birth alone, which seems scary!
Do many women do this?
If you have, what was it like giving birth without support?

Sorry, posted too soon, meant to say obviously dh was glad he was there for the early bonding and cuddles and I wouldn’t have denied him being there ever, plus he carried the bag but I could have done it myself and he was just a spare part!

I was contemplating giving birth alone as I have no family nearby but lucky my mum managed to get 2 weeks off work from my due date and luckily the baby was late. Otherwise I’d have had to do it alone. Or possibly a friend could have had ds1 for a few hours. Homebirth wasn’t an option for me as i had a complicated delivery with ds1. I think I’d have been fine alone. Husband was trying to be helpful but I just found him irritating telling me to breathe

Should add my mum lives 230 miles away so had to come and stay (pre Covid)

I'm going to have to do this due to Covid-19 border restrictions. I've made my peace with it.

We had no family nearby. Our childminder looked after our first child.

I've been thinking about this OP as due in Feb and completely paranoid about DP having covid and being unable to be there. Midwife said it might be an option to have a student midwife with me. They really appreciate the experience and know enough about what is going on to be really supportive

No family or friends able to look after dc1 due to their SN.

I had a home birth, if I needed a transfer I would have gone on my own and DH stayed at home. Birthing alone is not something which would have bothered me tbh, but I understand many don't feel that way.

I’m thinking about this in Covid times as trying for dc2 with 9mo DC1.

Risky to use family childcare so might go it alone if I get knocked up under similar restrictions to now.

I had DD with no one in the room and DP hanging out a window trying to call for help (bad signal and wifi calling decided not to work). I don't intend to do it alone again, even though I know I can (well provided it all goes smoothly and they just pop out)

I would really try and organise it so someone is with you if you give birth in a hospital. If you have complications or happen to be there on a busy night you may be alone for long periods without any care or support. (Or food, or water in my case!)

Talk to the hospital about the situation, could they maybe designate a student midwife to spend the time with you or similar?

I ended up with a planned c section but before this was booked I was prepared to birth alone whilst husband looked after our son. I still had c section alone.

I gave birth alone I had our third child. A friend looked after number 1 when I had number 2, but we felt it was a bit much to ask anyone to look after 2, especially as the second one was only just turned 2 at the time. To be honest I had found DH a bit irritating at the previous births - I certainly didn't need him there - he is hideously squeamish and didn't particularly want to come , and it was better for our other children to be at home with him.So it was a win, win, win situation. It was the most enjoyable of my births all round, but you would have thought that I'd just admitted to eating puppy's eyeballs for breakfast when I told other people what our plan was.

Doula. I wasn’t ok with the idea of leaving my first with a babysitter.

-But how? I mean, you could easily go into labour at 3am, I don’t think many casual acquaintances would be up for that!

I'd happily help out an acquaintance, neighbour or colleague for such a short time as a birth. It's not as if they need childcare every weekday for a year, in most cases it's just a day and/or night. I think that plenty of mothers would do this for someone else (and plenty of other people who aren't mothers probably as well)

We ended up calling my mum who was 3 hours away and she made it just in time (like literally, I gave birth within minutes of getting to hospital)
But our only other option would have been to take our eldest, which hospital were entirely fine for us to do, but I don't know if that would be allowed right now.
Do you have friends you can call on? I know it's something I have offered a couple of times to friends who are very far from any family. Perhaps consider a home birth?

@fireearthwaterair

Talk to the hospital about the situation, could they maybe designate a student midwife to spend the time with you or similar?

This is a really good idea!!

@boymum9

We ended up calling my mum who was 3 hours away and she made it just in time (like literally, I gave birth within minutes of getting to hospital) But our only other option would have been to take our eldest, which hospital were entirely fine for us to do, but I don't know if that would be allowed right now. Do you have friends you can call on? I know it's something I have offered a couple of times to friends who are very far from any family. Perhaps consider a home birth?

Definitely no one I can ask! Last time I gave a school mum my phone number OH was really angry with me.

@infinitediamonds

I would really try and organise it so someone is with you if you give birth in a hospital. If you have complications or happen to be there on a busy night you may be alone for long periods without any care or support. (Or food, or water in my case!)

That's the part I was worried about! Although with my first birth I was completely out of it, and didn't know who was coming/going. And definitely couldn't face food or drink, when the nurse brought me a sandwich in OH ate it for me ha!

Your OH sounds awful, why would he be angry you gave your number to another school mum and he's fallen out with your family? .. I'm not sure what to suggest, is OH looking after your 5 year old while you give birth?

@Worriedandabitscared

Your OH sounds awful, why would he be angry you gave your number to another school mum and he's fallen out with your family? .. I'm not sure what to suggest, is OH looking after your 5 year old while you give birth?

He doesn't trust people, and doesn't like me to get close to other people. I gave another mum a lift home once (pre COVID) and he was ranting all over the house when I got home...although TBF I was about 20mins late home as she was quite chatty!!

The thing with my family does make me sad as I love them very much, but it would be too stressful to have one of them stay. He has said some very very cruel things about them and I'd be constantly on edge worrying if he'll say something to them. Plus walking on eggshells incase he gets moody with me, it's not worth it.

Yes, it's very early days and I've just started thinking what will happen, but I think he'll have to look after DS while I give birth.

Do you not have friends/people you socialise and meet up with away from your DH (Pre-Covid obviously) not liking you getting close to others doesn’t sound very healthy :(

In the kindest way, you really need to review your relationship. Hes angry when you talk to other mums, he says cruel things about your family, ranting when you're a little late home, these are not normal things. You walking on eggshells in case he gets moody with you is also not right. You have bigger problems than giving birth alone.

No, sadly I went from living at home with parents to living with him. When I was at home I was just starting to get somewhere with a counsellor re my social anxiety and depression and finally feeling positive and like I had a future and could go to college/make a career then I moved away, believing all the lies he told me.
Anyway 10 years later my confidence/depression is at an all time low so even if he let me make friends I don't think I could!

@Mylittlepony374

In the kindest way, you really need to review your relationship. Hes angry when you talk to other mums, he says cruel things about your family, ranting when you're a little late home, these are not normal things. You walking on eggshells in case he gets moody with you is also not right. You have bigger problems than giving birth alone.

I know I do, I just have no other option so will need to make the best of it so atleast hopefully my children can be happy.