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Original poster

is anyone with their dream guy?

70 replies

yippieplubath · 04/01/2021 23:54

i'm not sure if waiting around for my perfect man is unrealistic.

I have dated men that I just wasn't happy with. Most were perfectly nice and would probably make nice husbands for someone else but not me. I never want to feel frustrated, angry, irritated or disrespected in a relationship just because they're having a bad day. But I also wanted effective communication where we both feel listened to and can compromise. Is this unrealistic?

The man I am imagining is a patient, kind, gentle man who is fun and outgoing. I imagine I feel warm and safe with him and I am just so in love. I also imagine him to be ambitious, a very hands on father, someone who has hobbies and great stories.

I have such an outgoing and agreeable personality but I always feel somewhat defeated in relationships. I hate arguing and am really good at expressing how I feel in a mature way and have never been with a guy who can do the same.

The last few men I have fallen for one of them didn't clean and had 4 bags of rubbish in his hall, another was sexist, another was a workaholic and never had any time, another didn't like travel which is my passion and I want to share with a partner.

Can anyone share their happy ending story to give me hope?

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 05/01/2021 00:29

My mum has always said ' you can't have if all in a man ' and sad he could well be right ! ! So maybe don't look and hope for Mr Right just for someone that you 'click ' with , find attractive , similar interests , good morals he doesn't have to be 100% in all aspects. My DH is crap at diy and can be quite shy but he makes me laugh every day, is affectionate, kind and laid back so his good points outweigh his bad !

CatVsChristmasTree · 05/01/2021 00:30

Someone somewhere probably is with my dream guy lol

Realistically, not sure that exists. Not sure I'd know what it was if I saw it. I'm no dream either!

severussnaperus · 05/01/2021 00:33

I really am

Gorgeous, successful and amazing in bed..

Cooks, cleans and nips to the shop when I need him to

We love each other so much

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Original poster
yippieplubath · 05/01/2021 00:35

@pumpkinpie01 my grandmother raves about how wonderful my grandfather was. He died when my father was a child. Because I haven't met him and my grandma is the only one with stories I have no idea if this is true or if she is choosing what to remember. Your DH sounds wonderful

@CatVsChristmasTree

would you/did you settle?

OP posts:
Original poster
yippieplubath · 05/01/2021 00:38

@severussnaperus so glad to hear this, it has given me hope

OP posts:
WitchWife · 05/01/2021 00:41

No he’s got the wrong colour hair but other than that yes - and actually better than I imagined. Sometimes it makes me want to cry that such a lovely person is actually in my life. He’s patient, funny, good looking, does more than me in the house and never holds grudges or gets sulky. He’s also a bit anxious, not as funny as he thinks he is and has some truly hideous jumpers - but that’s all totally worth it!

Original poster
yippieplubath · 05/01/2021 00:43

@WitchWife wow what a wonderful character he has

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toddtodd · 05/01/2021 00:44

Not really and I'm scarred from TikToks apparently guys imagine other girls in the bedroom to perform and would leave us for girls in their past they can't stop thinking about. I never wanna know

Grenlei · 05/01/2021 00:47

Yes and no. I'm with my perfect match physically and intellectual. He's very handsome, has exactly the physique I find attractive (maybe a few extra pounds but don't we all thanks to the last year!) and is very intelligent. He also thinks I'm gorgeous.

Downside he's quite untidy, couldn't care about housework and has quite a risk taking personality which has caused him/us various problems over the years.

Perfect for me as he is, I don't know if we would have worked as parents - we didn't meet until our 40s, and have no children together.

I don't think any person can be perfect in every respect. You just have to decide what to you are the most important qualities and go from there.

pinkpetal2 · 05/01/2021 00:48

Mine is perfect for me
He is the best dad I could of ever picked for our children if I could pick.
He sits up with them if they are poorly or just awake and then will go off to work on hardly any sleep, if I'm already asleep when they wake. He cooks, he cleans, he works extremely hard and is a great support to me when I'm struggling.
He doesn't leave towels or socks on the floor he is very tidy.
He puts the kids to bed, does homework, basically everything a parent is supposed to do we both share whatever it is.
He does school runs, he genuinely loves me inside out. He is funny and extremely attractive. It'll be 11 years this February.
He also lets me have lay ins in the morning most mornings and afternoon naps. I sound lazy but it's always returned. We are big believers in taking half hour breaks in this house, when shit gets stressful with the kids Grin

Original poster
yippieplubath · 05/01/2021 00:51

@Grenlei I can see how risk taking could cause problems if he gambles etc. I have had two pieces of advice not sure what you think of these.

  1. dont date a man if you can find three good reasons not to
  1. Dont date a man if the down sides lead you to feel strong negative emotions such as anger and frustration. e.g. goody glasses wont come into this category!
OP posts:
Original poster
yippieplubath · 05/01/2021 00:53

@pinkpetal2 where did you meet? He sounds like my dream man too! Do you have to fight for a man like this? Has he had lots of attention an relationships before? I hope you don't mind me asking

OP posts:
severussnaperus · 05/01/2021 00:58

Honestly, we are so in love

Married, new baby on the way - he is everything to me. It's lovely

WitchWife · 05/01/2021 00:58

You should never have to fight for a man (sorry I know it wasn’t me you asked!) - they’re not a prize. That is all some bullshit put about by men who don’t want women to get on. If there’s something good and true between you and a man, no one else will get a look in with him.

Original poster
yippieplubath · 05/01/2021 01:04

@severussnaperus I am so happy for you you must be so excited!

@WitchWife sorry! I have watched far too many rom coms. I just feel I am looking in all the wrong places. All my friends are single and have been forever or are married to their high school sweet heart.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 05/01/2021 01:04

Mine is pretty close to my dream guy. He's good looking, hard working, successful, great around the house and terrific with the kids. He can also be a little distant emotionally. We've been married for 23 years.

I'm also not perfect, so it's a fair match.

WitchWife · 05/01/2021 01:07

Most of my friends either found good partners pretty early (20ish) or much later in their early mid thirties. Not sure where you fit into that? Are you in a place with A decent dating pool or just a few blokes you’ve known all your life?

Romcoms are so much fun but I’m not sure they do us any favours! I’ve decided the true basic measure of a man is - the first time you stay over at his house does he bring you coffee in bed in the morning? And make breakfast?

iswhois · 05/01/2021 01:10

I never had a "dream guy"

I married someone who I ended up loving to bits and we connect on every level

There are things about him that I'm not keen on, but no ones perfect. And he might not be him if he didn't have those traits too!!!

grassisjeweled · 05/01/2021 01:11

Nope.

gluteustothemaximus · 05/01/2021 01:16

Mine is respectful, complimentary, kind hearted, thoughtful, generous, sharing, caring and very funny. Smart and with plenty of common sense.

Does equal housework, parenting, shopping. Will clear up poo and sick from ill kids.

Was brilliant when was so ill with pregnancies. Put on weight and he never changed towards me even though I was fat. Losing it now.

Never pressures me for sex, always when we both want it. Never name calls or argues. We've been stressed and annoyed but will confront, talk it out and move on.

Be utterly lost without him.

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/01/2021 01:22

If I’d had to write down a list of qualities and expectations I had for a partner prior to meeting DP, he’d have barely met a handful of them. What’s happened is that I’ve realised I didn’t need most of that list, and had I rigidly stuck to it I’d probably have worked my way through a succession of men who weren’t quite right.

I’m very very happy. Wouldn’t change a thing. It isn’t what I thought would make me happy 7 years ago, but we work.

Dyiu · 05/01/2021 01:29

No, I settled, but he's grown on me over the years. We've always been best friends, though, which has got us through, and he's emotionally strong. We still disagree on most aspects of life! We're probably dysfunctional.

meeeeh · 05/01/2021 01:37

I am now married to the kindest man I know who I find so attractive, we've just had a baby and he's an amazing dad. He loves to travel (so do I) he's hardworking, caring, I feel so lucky. We didn't meet till I was 30, I got to the stage thinking I'd never meet anyone to settle down with after years of being single and meeting awful men online. As soon as I stopped looking it just happened (he approached me in a bar and knew one of my friends). Funnily enough in the early days I was unsure about him but now I'm so so glad we met

pinkpetal2 · 05/01/2021 01:42

@yippieplubath We met through a friend by pure chance I don't really believe in fate but I have no other reason as to why we met. It was so weird! And no never really had to fight for him, we was friends for about 2 years before we actually gave it a go and never looked back really. He's lovely

fantasmasgoria1 · 05/01/2021 01:44

Yes. He's loving, caring, kind, considerate, supportive, understanding, respectful, generous, funny. He's my best friend and my soul mate.