Devastated our cat has died

[maybemove]

First of all, I know in these unprecedented times people are losing family members, and a lot of people think ‘just a cat’ but I’m honestly heartbroken. A close friend of mine recently lost a parent and the guilt I feel being this grief stricken over my wee furry friend in unreal, is this remotely normal?

She became ill on Xmas day and had to be put to sleep just a few days later, it was so quick.
My youngest dc has autism and other disabilities and I honestly have never seen anyone closer to an animal as my dd was. She hasn’t stopped crying since and it’s so hard.
I keep stretching my feet out at night to feel the weight of her little body and she’s just not there anymore.

Over the last 12 years she has been through every hard moment in our lives, her sweet little purring calming us through the worst times.

Someone tell me this gets easier, and how can I help dd through this too?

That photo is just beautiful OP.

How she must have loved you x

What a lot of love she had

Thank you all, she was such a beauty we had many delivery guys stopping just to give her a belly rub.

That’s such kind words from a vet too, really comforting thank you. That’s what I’m trying to keep telling myself, and to keep her suffering would have been selfish on my part. It was only supposed to be one person in but I could barely even stand so they let my eldest come in too. The vet was amazing with us.

Op I’m just really sorry about your lovely cat. It is so so tough. My last lovely boy died around 6 years ago and every now and then I think I see him out of the corner of my eye and it’s a bag in the floor or nothing.
It does get easier. You’ll never forget her and you’ll always miss her.
Really sorry for your D.C. also.
Support.

Sorry to hear your sad news OP

We lost our cat in April & not ashamed to say we were devastated, I still miss him every day but it does get easier. I can now talk about him & smile at the memories (most of the time!). I try to remember how lucky we were to have him in our lives & hope he felt lucky to have us 💙

@Veterinari would you mind very much if I sent you a pm please?

My 22yr old cat was pets 3 years ago and I can still cry especially when I read of other pusses passing away.

Not just a cat... yours was the best cat

I am so sad for you OP I lost my mum before Christmas and of course am devestated but that doesnt diminish your grief for your lovely cat. My mum loved cats and i had to rehome hers when she went to a carehome. I would pray that he found someone to love him just as much as you loved your cat

I was going to say similar to @missymoomoomoomoomoo - actively remember your cat and smile at all the things she did and the joy she gave you. I tend to find thinking actively about anybody you miss who's died is a soothing thing to do.

Often mentioned, but Goodbye Mog is quite a cute and uplifting book about pets after death. Obviously people with ASD are often pretty black and white about things, so it might not be any help. Check it out though in case you think it might help your DD.

I lost my cat in July and my Dad last week. Totally different kinds of pain but both total agony in their different ways. So sorry for your loss.

Oh OP, am so sorry. The pain and grief is completely normal, please don’t that you shouldn’t be feeling it. And it must be doubly hard seeing your dd hurting too.

I had to say goodbye, very unexpectedly, to my soul cat 5 days before lockdown. I was beside myself. Lots of lovely posters on the Litter Tray section were so kind to me (especially one who I see has posted here, I won’t embarrass her by naming her). Sometimes, just the realisation that other people “get” the level of grief can help a bit.

Everyone experiences it differently. For me, it’s been a struggle. I have photos on my phone where I can easily select them to post on here as I know the thumbnails off by heart. I have hundreds more on my pc that I’m unable to look through yet, as it’s a reminder of what I’ve lost. But I know that will change one day. Some days will be “ok” and other days the smallest thing can trigger tears. The same poster I mentioned said to me it’s not a linear process - so going with how you feel is ok, don’t admonish yourself.

I had my boy cremated, but wasn’t comfortable with his ashes being in a casket or urn. Instead, I chose a beautiful photo frame which has his ashes cased in the back and space for 3 photos. I’m yet to chose them, but when I’m ready I felt this would be easier for me to look at. I’ve also planted a beautiful rose bush, around which are 4 solar lights in the shape of paw prints - when I turn off the lamps at night and glance out to see them softly lit it is a comforting feeling. Maybe your dd could help you choose/plant/take care of a rose in memory of your girl?

My mum knew I’d struggle with this being my first Christmas without him. She got me a beautiful bauble with his name on it surrounded by paw prints. And inside was an engraved tag with a phrase I love “if love could have saved you, then you would have lived forever”. Maybe not yet, as too early for your dd, but she might like a bauble to put on the tree in future years?

Again, am so sorry for your loss. Take care and be kind to yourself.

@mbosnz

I always say, you did your best to give them a good life, and a merciful ending. That is a pearl beyond price, that we give our beloved animal companions. You did the best you could, in the best interests of your puss, in light of all the information, knowledge and abilities you had to hand.

No one could ask more of you, and no one does, most certainly not your beloved cat, who knew you loved her, who trusted you to do your best by her, and who you did your best by.

Do not doubt yourself for one feline minute.

That is so beautifully put in such a succinct way. I think the “guilt” can sometimes hinder the grief. I’m going to save your post to read if I’m struggling some days.

Oh OP I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t add much to the beautiful words that others have shared, but I wanted to acknowledge your sadness, it’s completely valid. I had my lovely boy put to sleep around 10 years ago. It was very painful, although definitely the right thing for him. I still cry sometimes when I think about him now, but mostly I can think of him and smile.

In time you will be able to think about your lovely cat with joy, but allow yourself to feel and process your grief for now. The love that pets give us can’t really be compared to anything else. I know some people will never understand it, but many, many of us do.

I’m so sorry op. We’ve always had cats in our family and I still think and dream about the ones we have lost over the years. Like others have said, take comfort in the fact that you provided your cat with a safe, loving home and shared many beautiful years with them. At least your fur baby is now at peace and is no longer suffering. Take care x

Oh OP, that photo is just beautiful - such trust and love in those little paws 🐾

Like so many others here, I've experienced the same awful loss, and the doubts and the what ifs. Someone said to me once that grief is the price we pay for love, and that is so true.

Just remember that you loved her, and she loved you, and when the decision had to be made, you made it and you didn't let her suffer.

Much love to you and your family xx

She was a member of your family... and one who gave unconditional love.. of course you are devastated.

Our animals bring so much to our lives. My Maine Coon cat Morpheus slept every night with his paws around my neck, and six years after losing him I still miss his furry face pressed against mine. When he died I cried more for the loss of him than my own Dad ..because he loved me more...
We are honoured to have their love, but it's a hard price to pay when they leave us.
It's ok to grieve. It gets better, but they leave a furry hole in our hearts...

[quote Justonedayatatime11]@Veterinari would you mind very much if I sent you a pm please? [/quote]
@Justonedayatatime11
Fire away

Thanks @Veterinari, have sent you a pm

My last cat died 2 years ago...i still think of her and miss her....i only had her for 2 years as i rescued her from living in a freezing cold garage...i take comfort that the last 2 years were in a warm home with a proper bed and lots of food and love.

Thank you all, I was able to read more messages today without welling up as much.

So many beautiful pets leaving footprints in our hearts, so sorry so many of you are/have been going through the same

Last night was hard, 2am I was snuggled up in dds bed both of us blubbering, then middle dc came in too so we all just lay there for a while teary eyed before falling asleep together.

Dh is trying to understand but don’t think he really gets it, he loved dcat too but was never a real animal person iykwim, he keeps asking if it’s just the cat that’s wrong with me, and must be something else making me cry so much

I was devastated when my old cat died in 2018 & still miss her now even though I rescued another cat soon after who I love very much.

It's totally normal to be upset our pets hold a special place in the family.

I recommend that when you feel ready you get a small box & put your cats favourite toy, collar, etc plus photos in the box.

Then look into providing a loving home for another cat preferably a rescue. Not to replace your cat who has died, but its a lovely thing to do in your cats memory.

@maybemove

I sometimes felt I could swamp oceans with my tears after I lost my girl (a dog).

I was watching call the midwife one night and nurse Phyllis quoted this poem by Lorca. It has been held in my heart ever since.

It's True
Ay, the pain it costs me
to love you as I love you!

For love of you, the air, it hurts,
and my heart,
and my hat, they hurt me.

Who would buy it from me,
this ribbon I am holding,
and this sadness of cotton,
white, for making hankerchiefs with?

Ay, the pain it costs me
to love you as I love you!

Grief is indeed the price you pay for love. And as nurse Phyllis said ‘and, if I may, the pain it cost to love? I believe it is always worth it’ (that stuck with me too)

How lucky we are really to be able to love so much that our hearts can ache so much at loss.

I cry a lot of days for my girl - years on. I would not have given up a minute with her even knowing the pain to come.

So sorry, I just can’t imagine. Our cats are such a huge part of the family and my children are obsessed with them.

Thinking of you.

@maybemove this is the photoboard I did. My cat was Moo (hence my username)