Devastated our cat has died

[maybemove]

First of all, I know in these unprecedented times people are losing family members, and a lot of people think ‘just a cat’ but I’m honestly heartbroken. A close friend of mine recently lost a parent and the guilt I feel being this grief stricken over my wee furry friend in unreal, is this remotely normal?

She became ill on Xmas day and had to be put to sleep just a few days later, it was so quick.
My youngest dc has autism and other disabilities and I honestly have never seen anyone closer to an animal as my dd was. She hasn’t stopped crying since and it’s so hard.
I keep stretching my feet out at night to feel the weight of her little body and she’s just not there anymore.

Over the last 12 years she has been through every hard moment in our lives, her sweet little purring calming us through the worst times.

Someone tell me this gets easier, and how can I help dd through this too?

I'm so sorry.
We lost our girl two months ago and I still had a little cry today.
She was part of our family and I'm still devastated.

Oh bless you. My previous cat died ten years ago yesterday - hence my username - and I had a bloody good cry! Still miss her a lot and coming home without her there was awful for a long time. I had lost my mother the previous year so I know the grief is different but it is equally valid. My home didn't feel quite right until we got another cat. A big ginger tom rather than a small quiet tabby but I love him very much.
Sorry for your loss.

I lost my two girls last year. One in January at 18 and 10 months to the day her sister in November at 19.

I can honestly say I've never felt grief like it and I thought I'd never be able to cope. It gets easier day to day to deal with. Mourn at your own pace. Everyone is different. Never say "it's just a cat" those that do never understand the emotional bond these cherished ones bring to our lives.

I got my two at 24 and they were the first ones I had ever been fully responsible for. I miss them every day even though I have 4 other cats but I can talk about them now with laughter and fondness.

Be good to yourself, I feel so so sorry for you and your little one but please take comfort that you gave your cat a great life, you loved her so much. Try and not feel guilt that is natural and will ease. Try and renember how much you lived her and she you x

Your cat was loved and cherished as much as a human companion/family member and your grief just as painful.

It is heartbreaking to lose a pet and I’m sorry for your loss.

I hope you take comfort from your lovely memories.

I always say, you did your best to give them a good life, and a merciful ending. That is a pearl beyond price, that we give our beloved animal companions. You did the best you could, in the best interests of your puss, in light of all the information, knowledge and abilities you had to hand.

No one could ask more of you, and no one does, most certainly not your beloved cat, who knew you loved her, who trusted you to do your best by her, and who you did your best by.

Do not doubt yourself for one feline minute.

@mbosnz that is so lovely and made me a bit teary eyed

@maybemove
Please don’t feel guilty
I think it’s better a day early than a day too late when they are suffering.

Your last act for your cat was one of love and care and o believe they know this when they pass. When my girl’s time was up I went into the surgery room and she lifted her head for the first time in a week and started putting. She out her tiny little paw on my arm as o held her and I looked at her until the end. I just kept telling her I loved her and she slipped away. She took a part of me and left something of her with me

❤️

OP it is devastating. It's 10 years since we lost my childhood cat and honestly the first few weeks I don't think I've cried as much. I wasn't even living at home anymore. Over time though it has become easier and now I love telling my DC about him and all the stupid stuff he used to do.

I now have a dog and a DS with autism who is his best friend. I am terrified for my DS coping with losing the dog.

💐

Sorry that should be purring not putting
In fact her purr was so loud and clear it filled the little surgery room

I am crying writing this but I wanted you to know you’re not on your own with how you feel right now

@maybemove and @Cleverpolly3
I feel for you so much.
They are the best. They were lucky to have you.

I think in times like these OP it is even more ‘normal* for you to feel devastated at your loss.

We place so much of ourselves in the ones we love - whether they be human, hairy, feathery, scaled or finny - and they give us normality when everything else is falling to bits.

And we want to cling to our normal because this time is anything but.

To lose part of your little family is of course heartbreaking.

I’m sorry. I know the heartbreak well

I lost one if my girls in November. Totally unexpected. She was fine then I found her dead. I was and still am devastated. I cried for days and had time off work. I was so shocked. I still cry about it almost daily.

I think in terms of coming to terms with it I have to remind myself I have her the best life possible and she didn't suffer. I'm sure with your dd it will be extra hard. How much is she understanding about what has happened?

Hi @maybemove
Your feelings are entirely normal. Please don't feel guilty or compare your grief to others

Please look at www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

For advice and support

I had one of my beloved boys put to sleep on the Friday prior to lockdown in March. I am now just at the point I can smile at his memory and not cry, but if I see a picture of him on the computer I well up.

He was a rescue, and we knew nothing about his past history, but he had almost 7 years of love, care, attention and comfort with us. I still miss his paw creeping onto my thigh if we were on the sofa, then the look up at me, and him then sprawling all over my chest for a cuddle.

So sorry op. They are part of the family and I get how much harder it must be to see you DD so upset.

I dread the day I lose one of mine. But the hardest thing will be how devastated DS will be. He has never not had them here and he used to say he had twin sisters.

Give yourself time and the photo board does sound like a great idea.

Oh I can still remember the heartbreak - from over 15 years ago!

You will get over it, and you should think about getting another kitty in the next few months or so, but you never forget the kitties you have loved and shared your lives with.

Oh op I'm so sorry for your loss and for your poor dd. It must be so hard to see her so upset. When we lost our dcat suddenly a few years ago the whole family was totally shattered.

People kept saying get another cat but I couldn't even think about it. However after a few months we visited the local shelter, just to have a 'look'. We all fell in love with our beautiful girl, who was 4 at the time and brought her home a week later. I never thought I'd be able to love her as much as our last girl but I just adore her. She helped mend our broken hearts.

We had DCat PTS last January and had resolved not to have another until at least this time of year as we had holidays etc booked those were the days

With lockdown and DH being furloughed and DS off school we decided to bring the decision forward and ChampagneCat came home last July.

I can honestly say she has changed our lives and really helped us to move on. We've never forgotten DCat but having her in the house has diminished the grief.

It's probably far too early for you at this point, but maybe something to bear in mind for the future?

It's probably also worth pointing out that apart from both being cats, DCat and ChampagneCat are as different as it's possible to be. There was therefore never any risk of her "replacing" DCat IYSWIM?

I cried more when my cat died than any other time in my life . More than when my dad or one of my best friends died. So YANBU in being so upset.
Time will heal OP but be kind to yourself xxx

So sorry OP . Everything your feeling is normal, and it is incredibly hard. She was part of your lives for a long time and not being there will take time to adjust to. We had to have our beautiful girl put to sleep in June, she was 19. I feel very guilty as only one of us was allowed to go with her to the vet, DH went. I feel I should of been there, like I let her down. I have been missing her terribly these last weeks as have the kids. I find talking about her and her antics comforting and I also put up one of our favourite pictures of her. We planted a butterfly bush where she is buried and I go out and talk to her every day (madness).

I'd love to say it gets easier, but I had to have my baby girl pts 2 days ago and right now I can't see a way through it.

@Justonedayatatime11

I'd love to say it gets easier, but I had to have my baby girl pts 2 days ago and right now I can't see a way through it.

It will get easier. But give yourself time to grieve

Pet bereavement is hard. They're family. Why not tell us about her? I love hearing animal stories?

They all have such lovely quirks

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

Oh bless you all, and for those suffering too.

I’m struggling to read some of these without welling up, but some wonderful advice and thank you all for understanding.

My youngest dd does understand it, I think. She heard the worst phonecall with the vet (I didn’t know she was outside the door) and I felt awful but in a way it’s almost better as I probably would have sugar coated it a bit which might have made things worse.
Dd is 11, but with her disabilities she is mentally quite a bit younger. I don’t think we’ve had an hour today without her in tears.

I can’t stop thinking of our wee cats final moments, so strange with all this lockdown stuff. I was able to go into the vets with eldest dc (18) but I don’t think our cat knew we were there, she looked so scared and barely moved, she was in a box and i couldn’t reach in properly so I just held her tiny head in my hand until it got so heavy she’d gone to sleep.
She was tucked up in the blanket dd came home from the hospital in, I couldn’t bear to take it off her when the vet asked if we wanted it, she looked at peace.

Thank you all, I can’t tell you how helpful you have all been. None of my friends really understand.

I’ve looked through a few photos, don’t know if I’m torturing myself but I love this one. Her favourite thing to do was to snuggle and hold her paws in your hand, she wouldn’t let you let go

Oh @maybemove
That photo brings tears to my eyes.

Euthanasia's are part of my job but they're always hard. There's nothing I want to do so well as help a pet pass peacefully.

My clinic allows an owner in but many clinics don't - I'm glad you could be there.

I alway think that actively making the decision to euthanasia is the bravest thing. As vets we've all seen sad cases where animals are brought too late and die of neglect.

Thank you for giving her peace and dignity