My neighbours are driving me mad - a rant

[JorisBonson]

Mid terrace with paper thin walls. One side a family of 4, they don't know how to speak at a normal level but are fairly tolerable.

The other side moved in during the first lockdown. They have a baby (about 1) and a little boy (about 4). Previous tenants were a professional couple.

The man next door is a grade A cunt, known for 5am screaming at his partner, kicking the front door in, smoking so much weed that someone 2 doors down from him complained. There was an almighty row a few months back, which was so frightening that myself and 4 (!) other neighbours called the police as it sounded like he was hitting her (I'm a DV survivor and wished someone had phoned the police for me). The next day his bags were on the doorstep, we all rejoiced. He came back Christmas week and the rows have started again.

The little boy is making me lose my grip on sanity. He screams, constantly, from about 6am until about 10pm. He kicks our party wall, throws things, slams doors, throws almighty tantrums that shake our walls. I was woken at 6.30 (after no sleep due to other side having a NYE party - which I didn't care about when I thought I might be able to have a lie in) by him rhythmically kicking our bathroom wall until stuff fell off shelves.

There is never any parental intervention, apart from his mother putting on the radio at full blast to drown him out.

The baby also screams and screams, but in a baby way, and I'm not so unreasonable to expect that a 1 year old knows how to be quiet.

Their washing machine goes constantly and vibrates our wall.

I have tried so so hard to be understanding and patient - these houses are tiny, they're stuck in there with 2 kids, lockdown, nowhere to go etc etc. My patience is now completely frayed and, combined with other stresses, I feel on the brink of a breakdown. I WFH most of the week and just dread what every morning will bring.

If it was constant parties, music etc I'd have no hesitation in going round for a chat. But how do you tell someone that they need to parent their child and think about other people - something I think they care very little about. They are not reasonable people and I think they could make our lives even more miserable if they wanted to.

DH works shifts and thankfully can sleep through anything, but I really am at the end of my tether.

We haven't even owned this place for 2 years and would lose a lot of money if we sold - and there's no way we could afford a detached house in this area. For this reason I don't want to make any formal complaint that we'd have to declare either.

Thanks if you've stuck to the end of this self pitying rant. I really just don't know what to do.

OP that sounds horrendous. Do the neighbours own the house as you could report the noise to their landlord?

Been there. We moved after 2 years just about. Luckily house prices increased enough that although we didn't make a profit we broke up even ish, i think we lost a thousand or 2/3 but it was fucking worth it. If you can do anything to cheaply increase the value, i.e. Your own DIY updates etc that will help. xxx

@Sallycinnamum that's something we've discussed - the landlord is an arsehole as it is - we replaced our side of the fencing (confirmed our side in legal pack) after the storms in February at a cost of £2k, and he told the new tenants he did it at his own cost. Ignored us when we tried to call to discuss it.

We're just so worried that the repercussions of any formal or informal chats could make things worse. He's a horrible, angry little man. He's had fights on the drive with other men before. She is pleasant enough to talk to but obviously forgets that we can hear everything. Her mum came to bubble with her when he was gone and she physically threw her out of the house for no apparent reason and smashed some of her belongings on the drive.

@GreyWall even if we could break even we'd sell but this year has fucked that plan. We spent about £20k last May when we moved in, new kitchen and garage, carpets, floors etc. I'm so proud of my home and how we transformed it but now it feels like a prison. This is my first house I've owned and I feel trapped.

I've been really ill (not covid) this week and I feel like it's all come to a head. I can't imagine how hard it is to have 2 kids stuck indoors in the current climate, but they literally never, ever go outside. There is just no respite.

Thank you for being kind. I have lived around many noisy neighbours during my time (no doubt I have been that noisy neighbour at one point!) but never to the point where it's affected my mental health so much. It's cathartic to put it down here.

Sometimes I just want to put the telly up full blast or blare out some music just to drown it out, but that's not fair on my other neighbours.

I'm in contact with the guy on the other side of them who is not going to renew his tenancy because of them.

It's a really tricky one. It's easy for people to say sell up and move but it all comes down to finances. Similarly living in a detached house is not always the answer. My friend has terrible neighbours and lives in a huge detached home.

To be honest, your best bet is to sit down and work out if its financially possible to move to a semi detached house at least if it's not now but next year.

I really feel for you because bad neighbours can be utter hell.

Can you Soundproof the walls ? Are SS involved if there's violence ?

Totally @Sallycinnamum. This was supposed to be our 5 year house where we'd make a little bit and be able to upgrade. I was going to take some professional exams and we would relocate down to the coast. Covid has put a stop to this plan but when the market stabilises a bit we'll have to look at options closer to home.

I feel for you OP. I'm afraid there is not much you can do for yourself, but it does sound like a very unhealthy environment for those poor children....I'd consider calling SS about this. But consider your own safety as well.

@notapizzaeater

Can you Soundproof the walls ? Are SS involved if there's violence ?

Looking into soundproofing, we will have to DIY it I think as the costs are a bit prohibitive and we'd have to do the whole one side of the house.

I believe they were informed when police were called. I can't confirm if there was actually violence, but it sounded like it. Brought back some horrible memories.

Nightmare situation. Is there any kind of sound proofing for the walls you could look into? I've no idea how much that costs or if its an option?

We had a similar family move in next door.
They did have SS involvement but it didn't change their basic day to day behaviour (swearing at kids, chaotic etc.).

We did invest in soundproofing in our living room in the hope it would dampen the noise in the main room of the house.
Mixed success as the chimneys in the room seemed to conduct the noise despite sound proofing. Still worth considering tho

That sounds awful for you op. I think I would try a friendly chat with her first to try to resolve some of the worst noise. Other than that could you rent your house out and move into rented yourselves? Sounds mad but it would get you away and the rental income from yours could cover the rent on another house.
Or if you are working from home could you afford to rent some office space which would get you out of the house during the day?

I'm so sorry OP☹️ these nightmare dysfunctional families are horrible for everyone

I think I would be looking to move whenever I could TBH.I know that you have only been there a couple of years, but your MH is suffering badly here .Even a sideways move to another terrace or semi may help ,as you would be very unlucky to get something like this twice! Alternatively maybe rent out your home and find a rental a little bit away from your immediate area?

Probably not the best way to deal with it but in my experience, people like this only understand you talking to them in a certain way and sometimes you need a big burly man to go round and have a word. My DH had to do this before when l had bad tenants in my house - they were nightmare tenants and l tried to do everything the right way with them but they just took the piss. Dh who is a big guy went round, scared the life out of them and they were gone within a week. Know any 20+ stone rugby players? Feel so awful for you OP neighbours like that can ruin your life.

Why only call the police when he's hitting her OP?

Why not when he's screaming and hitting walls?

I would, every single time.

Because a) its abusive and damaging for her and the kids and b) he needs someone (the police) to tell him he's out of order.
c) If it escolates then when the courts and children's services see lots of police call outs he will be less likely to be able to convince them its a one off instead of a pattern of behaviour which makes it more likely he'll get appropriate punishment and rehab and she appropriate protection.

Phone the police every time he is shouting and hitting her.
Every. Single. Time.

I think this calls for social services involvement, those poor kids.

@Mincepiehangover DH is a 15 stone kickboxing brown belt but tbh I think I would be scarier 😂

Renting is an option for me but not DH, who is of the "I'm not paying someone else's mortgage" school of thought. He grudgingly rented with me for a year before we bought to make sure we were compatible living together (god I miss that house).

Office space unfortunately isn't an option as I work in quite a sensitive area - for super sensitive phone calls I have ended up in the garage! I could ask to go to the office more but it's discouraged because of covid, so it's just weighing up that risk.

I feel better for rambling on here and realising that I'm not just being uptight, thank you.

Currently under a blanket trying to watch a weepy whilst what sounds like a child gate is repeatedly rammed into the wall.

@Disfordarkchocolate

I think this calls for social services involvement, those poor kids.

Yes it's on the cards. I would like to speak further to their other neighbour before progressing to get his thoughts.

I think so too
call the police every time and keep a detailed log of everything

@andweallsingalong it's the little boy who screams and hits the walls. He is never discouraged from doing so.

Before this escalates, it's not screaming in pain or in fear, I really do think he just likes to scream. I'm not sure if there's additional needs there.

My neighbour has just had a tantrum, screaming, throwing things etc. A fully grown adult with two small children in the house.
Lovely start to the new year.