My neighbours are driving me mad - a rant

[JorisBonson]

Mid terrace with paper thin walls. One side a family of 4, they don't know how to speak at a normal level but are fairly tolerable.

The other side moved in during the first lockdown. They have a baby (about 1) and a little boy (about 4). Previous tenants were a professional couple.

The man next door is a grade A cunt, known for 5am screaming at his partner, kicking the front door in, smoking so much weed that someone 2 doors down from him complained. There was an almighty row a few months back, which was so frightening that myself and 4 (!) other neighbours called the police as it sounded like he was hitting her (I'm a DV survivor and wished someone had phoned the police for me). The next day his bags were on the doorstep, we all rejoiced. He came back Christmas week and the rows have started again.

The little boy is making me lose my grip on sanity. He screams, constantly, from about 6am until about 10pm. He kicks our party wall, throws things, slams doors, throws almighty tantrums that shake our walls. I was woken at 6.30 (after no sleep due to other side having a NYE party - which I didn't care about when I thought I might be able to have a lie in) by him rhythmically kicking our bathroom wall until stuff fell off shelves.

There is never any parental intervention, apart from his mother putting on the radio at full blast to drown him out.

The baby also screams and screams, but in a baby way, and I'm not so unreasonable to expect that a 1 year old knows how to be quiet.

Their washing machine goes constantly and vibrates our wall.

I have tried so so hard to be understanding and patient - these houses are tiny, they're stuck in there with 2 kids, lockdown, nowhere to go etc etc. My patience is now completely frayed and, combined with other stresses, I feel on the brink of a breakdown. I WFH most of the week and just dread what every morning will bring.

If it was constant parties, music etc I'd have no hesitation in going round for a chat. But how do you tell someone that they need to parent their child and think about other people - something I think they care very little about. They are not reasonable people and I think they could make our lives even more miserable if they wanted to.

DH works shifts and thankfully can sleep through anything, but I really am at the end of my tether.

We haven't even owned this place for 2 years and would lose a lot of money if we sold - and there's no way we could afford a detached house in this area. For this reason I don't want to make any formal complaint that we'd have to declare either.

Thanks if you've stuck to the end of this self pitying rant. I really just don't know what to do.

@JudyGemstone

Think very carefully before you report them to the council or police anything (other than the DV which is obviously important) as you have to declare any official neighbour disputes when you sell and it can make it much for difficult to get rid of a place.

We're not going down that route for that very reason

@JorisBonson you say you've spent £20k have you had the house revalued since? That'd be what I would do upon waking up tomorrow. Getting an updated valuation. You may be very pleasantly surprised. With things the way the are, esp the stamp duty cancellation until April there's no no better time to sell.
A house is an investment, sometimes you win sometimes you loose. Cut your losses before they become big ones. Like I said we were in a similar situation and loosing a couple of thousand is nothing compared to better mental health.

Can the tenant on the other side report? If he isnt renewing his lease what does he have to lose

OP there is some good advice here but also some misleading advice. I have been in your shoes and did a lot of research on ppl’s rights when they have noisy neighbours. First of all private landlords or council in the case of a council house have a duty in law not to allow a noise nuisance to persist on their property. Noise nuisance is not confined to 11pm to 7am as some ppl think. It can be any time of day or night but in order to be a nuisance it must be unreasonable noise that a reasonable person would find excessive. Sounds like you are in that position and that the noise is unreasonable.

In my case the neighbours were vile and would not respond to my polite requests to cut the noise so I enlisted help of a firm of environmental health advisors called Sanctum Consultants. They were not expensive and gave me good advice. They gave me a choice of writing my own letter to neighbours’ landlord, the council, or paying them to write one. They advised me on wording but I wrote my own letter to chief exec of council threatening him with legal action for allowing a noise nuisance to persist on his property.

It worked and the nuisance tenants were moved on!

Note that for two weeks you must keep noise diary with time, duration and nature of noise nuisance and effect it is having on you. This is your evidence in case it goes to court.

None of this need be expensive but you have to be strong and let go of wanting to be Mrs Nice—a challenge in my case but I decided my mental health was more important than the neighbours’ freedom to make everyone else’s lives hell.

Glad you are at least able to get some sleep. My neighbours went to bed late and got up late whereas I started work early and went to bed early - normally no issue but they would start DIY at 9pm and go on until midnight.

On the soundproofing - I had it done on the party wall in the living room but as a pp pointed out, noise can travel through holes in the brickwork. Also for maximum effectiveness it unfortunately needs to be done on the side the noise is coming from rather than your side of the wall. My cavity walls channelled their noise so I couldn’t escape from it even at the far side of the house. Am buying an ancient cottage with three foot thick walls next time.

Just a wee update on this.

The screaming has been getting worse and worse. Today I think we're on the sixth or seventh tantrum. This has been since 5.45am.

I plucked up some courage and was going to go round for a nice chat, until they got a doorstep visit from family (our front doors are eight next to each other and, obviously, they're not exactly quiet). One of the visitors told her the little boy in particular was very loud and mentioned that the neighbours might get annoyed. Her reply was "I don't give a fuck".

So there's my answer. Do I really want to start something with someone like that?

In the meantime, any hard of hearing people interested in a lovingly restored mid terrace? 😁

I’d be making the business case to work back in the office.

The more stressed you are = the least affective you can be.

@AuntyFungal we've been cut down to one day a week in the office and it was lovely being there yesterday! Yes, I think I'll have a chat with my boss and see if they'll give me an extra day or two.

Now we have an (almost) 7pm hammer drill! That's new.