My neighbours are driving me mad - a rant

[JorisBonson]

Mid terrace with paper thin walls. One side a family of 4, they don't know how to speak at a normal level but are fairly tolerable.

The other side moved in during the first lockdown. They have a baby (about 1) and a little boy (about 4). Previous tenants were a professional couple.

The man next door is a grade A cunt, known for 5am screaming at his partner, kicking the front door in, smoking so much weed that someone 2 doors down from him complained. There was an almighty row a few months back, which was so frightening that myself and 4 (!) other neighbours called the police as it sounded like he was hitting her (I'm a DV survivor and wished someone had phoned the police for me). The next day his bags were on the doorstep, we all rejoiced. He came back Christmas week and the rows have started again.

The little boy is making me lose my grip on sanity. He screams, constantly, from about 6am until about 10pm. He kicks our party wall, throws things, slams doors, throws almighty tantrums that shake our walls. I was woken at 6.30 (after no sleep due to other side having a NYE party - which I didn't care about when I thought I might be able to have a lie in) by him rhythmically kicking our bathroom wall until stuff fell off shelves.

There is never any parental intervention, apart from his mother putting on the radio at full blast to drown him out.

The baby also screams and screams, but in a baby way, and I'm not so unreasonable to expect that a 1 year old knows how to be quiet.

Their washing machine goes constantly and vibrates our wall.

I have tried so so hard to be understanding and patient - these houses are tiny, they're stuck in there with 2 kids, lockdown, nowhere to go etc etc. My patience is now completely frayed and, combined with other stresses, I feel on the brink of a breakdown. I WFH most of the week and just dread what every morning will bring.

If it was constant parties, music etc I'd have no hesitation in going round for a chat. But how do you tell someone that they need to parent their child and think about other people - something I think they care very little about. They are not reasonable people and I think they could make our lives even more miserable if they wanted to.

DH works shifts and thankfully can sleep through anything, but I really am at the end of my tether.

We haven't even owned this place for 2 years and would lose a lot of money if we sold - and there's no way we could afford a detached house in this area. For this reason I don't want to make any formal complaint that we'd have to declare either.

Thanks if you've stuck to the end of this self pitying rant. I really just don't know what to do.

Those poor kids.
Think do what a pp said - call police every single time.
Keep notes of what you can hear or see.
You poor thing

Sorry, should have said why not call the police everytime he is screaming at 5am or kicking the door in.

The child is "just" copying his dad. Dad stops hitting, kicking and whatever else he's doing then, with a lot of hard work Mum might be able to help the child with his behaviour.

@WeatherwaxOn that might be me soon 😂

Thanks everyone for such supportive messages. There are some suggestions here I will definitely go forward with.

I was also considering having a quiet word with her parents, who I have spoken to a few times and seem like very nice people. Obviously difficult in tier 4. But who knows if that would work.

It's some kind of new years miracle, they've all gone out. I'm going to sit in silence for a while.

Op I feel for you, we got a great bargain on our house to only discover the next door neighbor was a raging but secret alcoholic who spent the next year verbally abusing me whilst my husband was out, even down to spraying me with the bloody hose through the fence.
At breaking point I went round there, maintained eye contact and spoke sternly and to the point with no opportunity for her to respond. I told her I had a detailed record of her behavior including evidence and if it did not stop immediately the police would be involved. Obviously I felt like I was going to have a heart attack but the confrontation and my manner totally freaked her out. Her sister lives there now who is lovely and we have a great relationship.
Best of luck, do not suffer.

Do the neighbours own the house as you could report the noise to their landlord?

Unless your neighbours are doing something to specifically break their lease then reporting them to the landlord can be classed as harassment. You need to be careful. Some of the behaviours you mentioned (smoking cannabis, violent arguments) could be classed as anti social. However just being generally noisy, failing to control children and so on is a lifestyle matter, not a criminal offence.

I had a neighbour who continually snitched on me to the LL for trivial matters, such as my guests parking in HER spot, my refusing to allow her tradespeople in, etc. Both the LL and I put her on warning of legal action and I had a solicitors letter sent to her.

Get some noise cancelling headphones and that will give you some peace. Your nerves most be on overdrive.

Thanks @Ginandshinythings. That's definitely where DH's strength lies - I get frustrated and either shout or cry! I'm glad you have a more peaceful environment now. Unfortunately we didn't even get a bargain on this house but it's in an up and coming area, so fingers crossed for the next 12 months or so.

Also feel I shout point out the kids are always really well turned out. The little boy always says hello and the baby is very cute and very vocally happy! So I don't think it's sheer neglect in that sense.

You can report things like this on the NSPCC website and they send people out to do a welfare check. I've had to do it in the past after listening to awful DV from old neighbours.

Seriously just move if at all possible. Nothing is going to change and your mental health is too important. Does your DH understand how much it’s affecting you? Yes you might lose out financially but it’s only money..this is your health and happiness at stake.

Had the tenant on the other side told their landlord why they're leaving? It's costing that landlord money now and it might be worth getting their details from the tenant that's leaving. You might find them keen to get this whole awful situation resolved to prevent loosing more tenants.

That sounds awful, and I really really feel for you. It is something I absolutely dread.

Have you considered soundproofing? We had the wall between our sitting room and the kitchen next door soundproofed. We put up a false wall and stuffed it with rock wool. It has worked really well- mainly because we don't share joists.

In another house we did the same thing, but because we had shared joists with next door it didn't stop the noise completely but it did dull it. It cost us £1400 per room and obviously you loose a few inches in each room. It is better if you can get it done both sides of the wall. The landlord on the other side refused to do his side though.

@Movinghouseatlast yes looking at it but cost is a factor at the moment. We would need to do stairs and landing and the bathroom at a minimum - it's just a tiny 2 up 2 down. Think I could forgo the downstairs wall for now.

As far a the sound proofing goes can I suggest that you put your wardrobe and bookcases against the party walls. The books and the clothes seem to soak up some of the sound.Its not the best solution but its something you could do now to make things better.

I really feel for you OP.

A few years ago when I was staying with my mum she had something similar.

Could you record all the sounds coming from next door to make somewhat of a record. Pass it onto social services/police and hope they do something about it.

Maybe speak to the parents and ask them if they can move the baby gate? Or maybe put sponges on the handle to stop it making such a racket?

You just have to try get out, i Know that isnt helpful really but it might help you focus your mind. I think people who havnt lived with this dont realise how much it can destroy your mental health. Its like you're on a hair trigger even whilst asleep and the slightest thing has you jumping to the ceiling.

We can't move. We sacrificed and saved to get the money for this place, and we'll end up with nothing if we leave now. We've put a lot of love into this house and it just doesn't seem fair that we have to pack up and leave because of them.

I've managed a nap and a bath and am feeling a little brighter. The usual late afternoon tantrums are starting next door - my TV is a little louder than usual but not blaring.

It's been helpful putting my thoughts down here and getting advice - other side neighbour is away until Monday, I'll speak to him and come up with a plan of action then.

You and your neighbours keep written notes on any unsociable behaviour. Then you present it to the council. The anytime you're disturbed after 11pm notify the anti social behavioyr team. Any sounds of violence notify the police.
We had a hellish neighbour in a group of 6 flats. We had him removed by doing this.

Why would you end up with nothing?

House prices are on their arse round here due to covid. This is the nicest and biggest house we can afford (it's not even that big). We wouldn't make back what we've invested, and wouldn't get our full deposit back.

As I said further up the thread, if it was a grand or two we'd suck it up but as it stands we wouldn't even have a decent deposit for another house.

My neighbours weren't a patch on yours but they were still noisy as anything and would play music loudly when they came in drunk from the pub. It made me so horribly anxious and on edge all the time, just waiting for them to start up. I was in a semi and thankfully managed to sell but I totally understand how miserable it is so you have all my sympathy. It is making me quite anxious about my next place (am staying with family at the moment) and having awful neighbours again.

I feel anxious just reading your post. You could try soundproofing. In my experience the Council and the police do nothing to protect the victim if the neighbour doesn't care. Surely in lockdown they should be more considerate not less? I understand what you mean about not being able to lose money but this sounds as if its making you ill

Soundproofing is the best option at the moment. Just need to research the best way to do it ourselves on the cheap.

@dubyalass

My neighbours weren't a patch on yours but they were still noisy as anything and would play music loudly when they came in drunk from the pub. It made me so horribly anxious and on edge all the time, just waiting for them to start up. I was in a semi and thankfully managed to sell but I totally understand how miserable it is so you have all my sympathy. It is making me quite anxious about my next place (am staying with family at the moment) and having awful neighbours again.

The only saving grace is that it doesn't stop us sleeping (at night) - the kids tend to sleep from about 10 which gives us some respite.

Think very carefully before you report them to the council or police anything (other than the DV which is obviously important) as you have to declare any official neighbour disputes when you sell and it can make it much for difficult to get rid of a place.