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Original poster

What would you think to see a fellow mum in the foodbank

94 replies

PodgeBod · 01/01/2021 01:45

Just wondering. We have really suffered recently and I'm considering taking food from the local food banks. I can afford food but cannot afford even second hand winter clothing. It has become a delicate balancing act. Should I buy a hat, gloves and scarf set for my 3 kids or a weeks worth of shopping? Socks or bread? I'm so embarrassed but at the point where we cannot go on without help. But terrified a local mum will see us and spread it as gossip.

OP posts:
lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 01/01/2021 07:13

@BrandyandDeath

A mum?

Why not a dad?

Because it's nearly 100% the mum who is the gossip?? Dads don't really care less lol
Namechangebuttercup · 01/01/2021 08:04

@HappyDays10101

I'd invite them for dinner

Jesus Christ, really?!? I would be mortified!

Me too. If I'd not normally be inviting them for dinner, I'd not be offering a charity invitation. If someone did that to me I'd feel that they were trying to be nice, but humiliated too.

Namechangebuttercup · 01/01/2021 08:12

I hate that food banks are now such a staple part of life - and that the government doesn't care that it's policies and systems make them a necessity.

If I saw someone I knew there I wouldn't think anything bad of them - what's there to think? The only people the government cares about are people for whom "falling on hard times" means they'd have to sell their 12-bed ski chalet.

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ForChristsSake · 01/01/2021 08:20

@PodgeBod where I live we have a local Facebook group called acts of kindness page. People put up free stuff - clothes, shoes, furniture, toys, etc. You can also post requesting stuff or do it anonymously through their Admin. Does your local area have one where you could get your kids winter clothes? I always pick up clothes for my kids on these sites

nosswith · 01/01/2021 08:24

If I saw someone I knew in a food bank other than a volunteer, I would say nothing. Confidentiality is something I know rarer given social media but there are some things that should always remain so.

netstaller · 01/01/2021 08:30

No one would judge op. People go to food banks because they either need food or really want to help those who might need some. They're full of empathy and very discreet.

lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 01/01/2021 08:36

Op are your children under school age? If so you can contact your hv and/ or family support worker at the local sure start centre . In the past they have been able to help my family get a winter coat for my littlest dc and also food vouchers when things were bad for us.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 01/01/2021 08:36

You don't physically go into my local food bank. They pick a shop for you and deliver it a van, just like the supermarkets do. You have to be referred though and can only sue the service three times due to the demand in the area.

If anyone saw you they would either be in the same situation or be donating or volunteering so unlikely to be negative.

Ypu could sign up to the app Too Good To Go which has discounted food close to use by date.

evilharpy · 01/01/2021 08:45

We have a local mutual aid facebook page, people post for everything from can anyone help me do this random DIY job to does anyone have a coat for my son in size 5-6. Many people give away children's clothes as charity shops often don't want them. A lot of people use it for environmental reasons (before I buy new, does anyone have X thing lying around that they don't need)? It's definitely worth having a look to see if there's a similar group locally.

Re gossiping - I wouldn't breathe a word and I certainly wouldn't judge, although I might wonder if I could help in any way.

Barmyfarmy · 01/01/2021 08:48

I doubt anyone would say anything negative, at most you might get an awkward sympathetic smile if anyone did see you. If anyone was 'spreading it as gossip' I doubt anyone would hear it and think ill of you, they'd be horrified that someone was passing your personal information around. You may feel more comfortable if you can wear a mask and plain clothing + a hat if you really need to?

I'm sorry you're going through a difficult patch, OP. The food bank is for anyone that needs it, you don't need to justify your need. I hope things get better for you. Happy New Year Flowers

MotherExtraordinaire · 01/01/2021 08:52

No judgement, but if you need clothes, have you looked at the poundshops, secondhand and the sales? Do you not have any from previous years?

pursuedbyablackdog · 01/01/2021 08:55

I wouldn't bat an eyelid. If people need help, they need help. Any of us could find ourselves in that situation at anytime. Life is precarious.

Disfordarkchocolate · 01/01/2021 08:59

Most food banks are delivering at the moment. That should help.

There is other help too, see if you have a local Hygiene Bank and see who they donate to. Our area has a kids clothing bank too, is there anything similar local to you.

SmellyPooHead · 01/01/2021 09:01

@BrandyandDeath

A mum?

Why not a dad?

I think the clue is the 'fellow mum' comment Try not to be clever @BrandyandDeath I wouldn't think anything , they are there for a reason. We all need some support
Baycob · 01/01/2021 09:19

I would think... man she must be having such a tough time. I wonder if there is anything else I can do to help.

ISpyOblivion · 01/01/2021 09:31

If I knew you well and we had similar-age children, I would offer any spare clothes we had that might be useful. Also, any cupboard 'staples' we had extra of. I definitely wouldn't mention it to anyone.

Actually, your post has made me ashamed of myself Blush. There are so many people in need at the moment through no fault of their own and we have more than we need. I'm not great at remembering to add items to the food bank when I do my shopping and at clearing out DC clothes to the local clothes back. Going to try harder in future.

Apple31419 · 01/01/2021 09:31

@PodgeBod OP I totally get your concerns. It's unlikely to happen, most people are good but I have come across the odd person that would honestly do something like that 😬
However, you need the stuff and this shouldn't stop you benefitting.
Like other PPs definitely contact them and ask what they can do, or turn up wearing a full face covering or something!
If you are still unsure, and based in SE London /Kent please PM me I'll be happy to help

Soutiner · 01/01/2021 09:40

I think people are being unrealistic. Sadly, some people do gossip and it can be malicious or just conversational anecdotes.

In the great scheme of things you have far more serious things to worry about than some momentary tittle tattle.

What is more important? Getting help for your family or the possibility that someone somewhere MAY make discuss you with someone else, neither of whom have any bearing on your life.

We all put far too much importance on what other people may think when in truth their options do not matter and besides the nature of gossip is to quickly fizzle out and move on to someone else!

2020quelhorreur · 01/01/2021 09:44

If anyone I knew tried to gossip about someone else using a food bank, I think that would be the last time I spoke to them.

SmellyPooHead · 01/01/2021 09:45

@2020quelhorreur

If anyone I knew tried to gossip about someone else using a food bank, I think that would be the last time I spoke to them.
100% agree
Witchend · 01/01/2021 09:45

Our foodbank delivers so you wouldn't be seen, but no one would really judge.

But if you really need things like hat scarf and gloves, firstly mention to the food bank as ours occasionally gets that sort of thing donated, secondly hat and gloves can be got from the pound shop often, which is still open.

Lastbonestanding · 01/01/2021 09:46

Anybody in a foodbank is either there to use it themselves, to donate or to help out. All of those people will be in favour of people using food banks.

JMAngel1 · 01/01/2021 09:46

I think a well run foodbank should have separate drop off donation time slots so that users and doners aren't there at the same time.

Ours doesn't and I felt a bit put out for a lady that was there as I was dropping off. There was a very chatty insensitive foodbank worker who I vaguely knew, who started chatting to me as if we were out on a night out with cocktails. Gossip then moaning about how she had to go home and clean her five bedroom house because her cleaner was coming the following day Hmm. The whole time this lady was standing there and I kept trying to leave so she could be seen to. Then foodbank worker asks me if I've brought any peanut butter - I had - so she goes searching through the bags and fishes it out and hands it to the lady. The lady was looking mortified at this point.

The whole system could have been managed so much more sensitively.

Positivevibesonlyplease · 01/01/2021 09:48

I would just go for it. The volunteers won’t judge and the people using the food bank will be in the same situation as you. I find that people are nearly always more compassionate than we imagine them to be.

FAQs · 01/01/2021 09:50

Absolutely wouldn’t judge and certainly not gossip, I’d be more worried about reaching out and your thoughts on letting me in to help, I was in a tough situation 6 years ago and understand where you are coming from but people can surprise you, in a good way.

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