Page 2 | Another age gap thread!

rainatnightlove · 2020-12-23T02:45:10+00:00

I'm 21- nearly 22 and I've been with my partner for just over 3 years now- he's 37. I'm in university studying a degree (psych) and he is a business owner. Together we have two dog children [grin] Hoping to have a human child within the next few years- I've said before he is 40. [wink] What are everyone's views on this?

CaptainSandy · 23/12/2020 08:55

At 18 even 21 year old seemed quite old to me, a man in his thirties would have seemed ancient.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2020 09:11

@FatLassNumber1

She's 21, does that matter?

Honestly I'd be a bit 🥺 at my 20 year old moving in with a 50 yo, regardless of sex. And if you moved in at 20 it means you likely got together when she was in her teens and yeah, like with the guys, I think there's a power imbalance when you're dating someone so young. I can see what attracts you to a teenager bit less so the other way

Ughmaybenot · 23/12/2020 09:11

I find it so weird that he was interested in you when you were so young. A man in his mid thirties going after a teenager is grim, imo. You were, and seem to still be on some level, at totally different life stages.
I started seeing a 34 year old when I was 20, he was beyond gorgeous and we had a lot of fun but now I’m 27 and he’s 41 the age gap seems bigger than ever, he’d have held me back and tied me down too early if we’d stayed together. It’s not even like I had big plans or anything like that but you just don’t have the flexibility or anything like that the older you get.. generally speaking of course!
Plus I cannot imagine being interested sexually in an eighteen year old at my age, let alone in seven years time, it gives me the creeps, they’re so young!
All that being said, sometimes it does just work. And I’m glad you feel your relationship is one of the good ones, happiness is hard enough to come by.

babymoon89 · 23/12/2020 12:12

@rainatnightlove ah thank you

I've read other people's posts on here and I'm a bit shocked at some of the replies. If you look at famous people, A LOT of them have huge age gaps like 20+ years and no one seems to say anything! Take George Clooney and his wife Amal as an example. They have a 17 year age gap but no one seems to have a problem with it?

I think just ignore what everyone is saying, you are a consenting adult and you are happy, that's all that matters

User27aw · 23/12/2020 13:48

I think its a bit weird and creepy. When I was that age I thought anyone 5 years older was ancient. I also think you would be rushing into having kids too young just because he is older.

User27aw · 23/12/2020 13:50

[quote babymoon89]@rainatnightlove ah thank you

I've read other people's posts on here and I'm a bit shocked at some of the replies. If you look at famous people, A LOT of them have huge age gaps like 20+ years and no one seems to say anything! Take George Clooney and his wife Amal as an example. They have a 17 year age gap but no one seems to have a problem with it?

I think just ignore what everyone is saying, you are a consenting adult and you are happy, that's all that matters[/quote]
Amal wasnt a teenager when they got together though.

gingajewel · 23/12/2020 13:51

I find it insulting that people say he was a predator! I was 17 when I got with my oh, he was 28. We met in a club so he obviously thought I was over 18! 20 years later, two children and a house! Predator is a very strong accusation to make!

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2020 13:54

[quote babymoon89]@rainatnightlove ah thank you

I've read other people's posts on here and I'm a bit shocked at some of the replies. If you look at famous people, A LOT of them have huge age gaps like 20+ years and no one seems to say anything! Take George Clooney and his wife Amal as an example. They have a 17 year age gap but no one seems to have a problem with it?

I think just ignore what everyone is saying, you are a consenting adult and you are happy, that's all that matters[/quote]
She was 35, not 16-18. Huge difference.

babymoon89 · 23/12/2020 14:03

@SleepingStandingUp you are an adult at 18 years old. Most 18 year olds these days move out of home for university etc. If you can be trusted to live alone I think you can be trusted to pick a partner you want surely? Also OP isn't a teenager anymore.

Either way I don't see a problem with it in the slightest. Other people might but it's all a matter of opinion

ginandbearit · 23/12/2020 14:07

I know a lot of couples where the woman is the second wife, maybe 15 or even twenty years younger , really well presented, fit and slim , now mid -late fifties and the husband is hitting 70 and begining to fade , and the resentment is coming through . Not all couples are like this obviously, but it does seem that men age quickly after a certain point and the dynamics in the relationship change a lot , and not everyone can or wants to handle that .

thirstythirsty · 23/12/2020 14:15

I'd put your hard hat on OP my DP was called all sorts of names on a very similar thread not so long back!

There are 9 wears between us but got together when I was 16, still together now 10 years later with our own home and a DS but that didn't make any difference according to some people!

I think if your happy and you know that there is nothing 'sinister' about the relationship then go right ahead!

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2020 14:16

[quote babymoon89]@SleepingStandingUp you are an adult at 18 years old. Most 18 year olds these days move out of home for university etc. If you can be trusted to live alone I think you can be trusted to pick a partner you want surely? Also OP isn't a teenager anymore.

Either way I don't see a problem with it in the slightest. Other people might but it's all a matter of opinion [/quote]
Well it is just a matter of opinion, that's what the thread is asking for.

It depends what part of 18. At 18 lots of young people are still in school or college, financially dependent on their parents. Some will go to Uni and remain financially dependent on their parents. Or have a hap year or get a job but remain at home. Some will have been living alone from 16, have worked for 2 years and had little to no parental input. I would still question the power balance of any of those people dating an adult 15-30 years older than them.

I very much doubt op really cares or will change anything she's doing based on this thread, or anyone else for that matter.

zigaziga · 23/12/2020 14:16

I don’t think age gaps matter so much once the youngest person in the relationship is past a certain age.. so I don’t see anything wrong in a 40 year old and a 60 year old for instance.

But like PP say - your relationship started at 18 and I find that a bit hard to get my head around. I would not be happy if in the future my 18 year old brought round someone in their mid 30s.

You were and are still awfully young and I do find it a bit uncomfortable.

As an aside, I’m also quite glad I don’t have an age gap marriage. None of us know what the future may hold but the chances are I won’t be looking after an old man when I’m still only middle aged myself. It’s just more healthy years together hopefully.

User27aw · 23/12/2020 14:30

I think the ideal is to be close in age to your partner, experiencing the different challenges that aging brings at the same time. As well as having the same cultural references etc.
I'm nearly 50 and couldn't imagine being married to someone 20 years older (or younger) it would seem like they were a different generation as would their friends and siblings.

Yoshinori · 23/12/2020 19:26

@gingajewel

Find it insulting all you want.

People, it seems especially women on this thread, can argue all they want that there’s nothing creepy or predatory about them being in their late teens and a man in there late 20s or mid 30s happily dating them all they want.

No man or women in their 30s has any business dating a woman who is 17/18 etc.

It’s predatory.

babymoon89 · 23/12/2020 23:10

@thirstythirsty I completely agree with you on this one! People will always have something negative to say even if it makes two people happy. Shame really!

partyatthepalace · 23/12/2020 23:22

@Bunchup

21 and 37 might feel fine, but remember to split up before he gets really old and you end up a frustrated and resentful carer to a cantankerous old sod.

This

Is the reality. It’s not this bit of your relationship it’s the end. You could be looking at 2 decades of caring.

It’s a big gap.

Original poster

rainatnightlove · 23/12/2020 23:35

I'm just taking each day as it comes.
I'm happy now therefore I shall stay in my relationship- for now. If things change I shall leave, I'm not going to think about 40 years in the future right now.

As long as my partner treats me as an equal and I still have my own life and my own assets (my degree, my job- neither of which I intend on giving up!) I feel secure.

OP posts:

Original poster

rainatnightlove · 23/12/2020 23:37

@User27aw I totally agree some may rush into things such as children but like I say, we don't intend to just yet, still a few more years! I'm happy having a baby anyway as long as I've finished my degree. We are stable financially (not rich! Don't want people to think I'm a gold digger ) so it's no worry.

OP posts:

danadas · 23/12/2020 23:39

Not rtft but MN does not like age gap relationships so be ready to be told you have daddy issues. There is 18 years between OH and I. Works for us.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 23/12/2020 23:43

My DH was 22 years older than me, we met when I was 20. He was the best man I have ever known and I regret nothing. We had no problems in our relationship, no power imbalances, we were true equals. Good luck!

VirtualLearning · 23/12/2020 23:43

How do your family feel? I think there are so many variables and it can be fine but equally it can be a bad thing sometimes too - it didn’t sound it from what you say, although personally when I met DH I just knew i was sure for ever and twenty years on I still am . Not that that means anything as all relationships differ!

TippledPink · 23/12/2020 23:48

There's 16 years between OH and I, but we met when I was 29. First man older than me I ever dated! I am now 35, I can't imagine finding an 18 year old attractive, they are so young and childlike still. It is a bit weird at that age. Like others have said age gaps when older are fine, but for a man in his 30's to find a teenager attractive, it's a bit vom, even if they do last and stay together.

Mwnci123 · 23/12/2020 23:56

You're young enough not to have kids for ages, so unless you are absolutely desperate to procreate I think you should hold off a bit longer on that. My parents had a twenty year age gap and met when she was in her early 20s, so I suppose I tend to see these things in the light of their relationship, which though it had its positives ended very badly. Large age gap relationships are less likely to last, though of course there are always exceptions and you are bound to believe that yours is one of them.

Namechangeme87 · 24/12/2020 00:03

Iv had a couple age gaps relationships looking back now I see the power imbalance tbh n why they ultimately failed . So I were 18 n he was almost mid thirties ?! Grim . Dunno why u was kin tho really you’ve been together ages now so it is what it is