I’m not posting and running, it’s quite difficult to read things that you suspect are the truth but don’t want them to be, so I’ve got a lot to think about!
In the interests of context, I’ll try to explain a few things that have come up from different posters.
Finances - I know I’m not in a secure position. DP and I were only together a short while before DS came along and DP owned his own house for well before I was on the scene. Originally, when I moved in, the agreement was that I would pay half the bills and not contribute towards the house because I would very soon be on mat leave. Then a few months more down the line, when we decided that I’d quit my job, it dropped to a nominal amount towards the bills and we did the grocery shop every other week each. When I took up a part time job it changed again and has sort of evolved to this. I know I should be on the deeds for the house now, after five years living together. Last year, DP’s business really struggled so I ended up paying the lions share of stuff as he was unable and at the time it seemed fair, especially given the agreement in previous years. Since the pandemic, it’s become clear that it needs looking at again as...
Self employed - DP is one of the ‘lucky’ ones over the last few months. His business is in one of the industries that has been absolutely decimated due to covid. All his contracts cancelled over night. He has since started an entirely new business, working harder and more than he’s ever done before doing something that he’s had to learn from scratch and has actually brought more money in than he ever did with his original business. He’s tired and dirty a lot of the time and that could absolutely be playing in to it. Also why we need to look at the finances again.
As a dad - the older DS gets, the more DP idolises him. He was a sub par newborn baby dad, while I was a really good newborn mum so didn’t care. We are now equals in terms of how much we enjoy parenting, but I do the lions share of logistics. To confirm - I enjoy this and wouldn’t have it any other way, it’s not that he refuses. I’ve worked my job so I’m able to work from home and do 9/10 school runs with MIL doing the one pick up I can’t. DP has been working 10-12 hour days up until recently so couldn’t do the school run.
Finally, I know I still have a lot to think about. I know DS might hate the reality of being a big brother and I would never just have one because my four year old asked, in the same way he won’t be having a cat just because he asked etc.