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Original poster

I know that newborns mean sleepless nights but I am now getting no sleep at all whatsoever ever, what can I do?

63 replies

Snuzpods · 21/12/2020 05:00

I'm completely used to the sleep disruption as DC1 didn't sleep through until over 2 years and was an every half hr sort of waker as a baby for months but usually slotted in a 2 hour sleep at least once a night

Have a beautiful month old now and sleep wasn't too bad at first, difficult to put down etc as totally expected but managed to get a bit of sleep each night by swaddling, white noise, waiting until deeply asleep on me before transferring to crib etc

It's got progressively worse though and although I can transfer her now, she almost always wakes grunting and groaning within five minutes and screaming a couple of minutes after that. I don't want to sleep holding her as it's too dangerous, cosleeping makes no difference whatsoever so I might as well be trying with the bedside crib which we'd been using before, but it just does not work at all now ever

I have literally not slept all night and did not sleep at all last night, can't try for naps in the day even if I could put her down as have a preschooler at home with me full time in the day

DC1 will be getting up for the day soon so I definitely won't be sleeping until tonight at least and I just don't know how many days of not sleeping is sustainable

DH May be able to help for a couple of hours tonight between work

Family help not possible at the moment

I don't know what to do! Tried tilting crib in case of silent reflux, swaddling, not swaddling, white noise etc

She's colicky in the evenings so need to walk round with her in the sling, nothing else works at that sort of time although occasionally I can put her down in the day. Sometimes she's happy to lie in pram and look about for half an hour or so but I don't think it's that safe for sleeping and also can't with DC1 to look after. I don't think she has a particular medical issue, but I could call health visitor

Help! If I could even pay somebody to watch the DC in the day so I could sleep a little I would but I don't think that would be allowed or possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snuzpods · 21/12/2020 05:01

To reiterate I know sleeplessness is par for the course with a newborn but I think even if I could get 2 hours per 24 I could manage, but I don't know how many nights of 0 hours is possible before my body gives up!

OP posts:
orangejuicer · 21/12/2020 05:02

Could it be reflux?

October2020 · 21/12/2020 05:05

Sounds very much like silent reflux. I could have written everything you've written when my little one was a newborn. Now 4mknths and it is better. We tried everything but osteopathy was what fixed it literally after the first session (we did 3 but the difference was immediate). I am not a believer in that sort of stuff but j was desperate for sleep and it worked. Good luck

Interested in this thread?

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Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep · 21/12/2020 05:06

Is she bf or ff? I'm not normally one to suggest dummies but does that make any difference? You haven't mentioned one so not sure if you're bf and/or haven't tried?
Just off the top of my head.

Original poster
Snuzpods · 21/12/2020 05:10

Breastfed, dummy hasn't seemed to help though must admit I didn't persevere as would prefer her not to have one

If silent reflux what can I do? Want to help her. Have tilted cot. Don't know if can get GP appointment

OP posts:
LetTheBirdsSing · 21/12/2020 05:12

Poor poor you. Agree about checking to see if she has reflux. Any sign of any other issues eg CMPA?

I think the only option for now is for you and DH to sleep in shifts. He takes baby until 12 or 1am and you go to bed as soon as DC1 does to get a decent chunk of sleep. If you’re breastfeeding DH can bring baby to you for a feed but then needs to take her back and settle her.

You are allowed to have childcare by the way, it’s exempt from Covid restrictions.

Wish I could send you a big hug Flowers

AuntVictoria · 21/12/2020 05:12

Oh OP, that's so hard. DS was a terrible sleeper so I really sympathise, it's an awful feeling when you just can't get to sleep.

I found co sleeping made a big difference - DS fell asleep on top of me, and after 5 minutes I gently rolled over, still cuddling him, and rolled him on his back. I the slept literally cuddling him - me on my side.

A dummy also made a big difference. If you have a pram suitable for overnight sleeping rocking him to sleep in that also worked sometimes. DD also loves the sleepyhead (although DS didn't) - that might help him feel safe and cuddled up?

I hope you get some sleep, I think you need to prioritise that first and if you have a DH he needs to help. With DS, I would feel him in the evening and then go to bed, and DH would cuddle him and do the next feed. Meant I wasn't ebfing any more but worth it for 3-4 hours unbroken sleep. In hindsight I think that made the biggest difference when I was on my knees with exhaustion.

DianaT1969 · 21/12/2020 05:15

Can your DH take tomorrow off and get up now to take over? If you FF that is.

Original poster
Snuzpods · 21/12/2020 05:16

Thank you. Just read on NHS they advise not to tilt the cot but not sure why

Remembered I have some infant gaviscon from DC1 I could try

DH can help later in the week I expect unless called into work but it's really difficult at the moment. I wish I could just have a relative to stay but I can't. I know about the exemptions

OP posts:
seaduck · 21/12/2020 05:18

You are allowed childcare so if that would help you to get a nap then do that, do they use nursery already? Your partner should help a little even if he has to walk around jiggling in sling for a couple of hours at 4am, yes he'll be tired for work but thats par for the course with newborns and you can't have no sleep with another child to look after. I've done this in desperation plenty of times.

Sympathies, I am here with a 7 week old and I've got two older children 5 and 3 to tackle tomorrow as well.

Stringervest · 21/12/2020 05:18

The support bubble rules changed recently to allow a family with a child aged under 1 to form a bubble. I don't know how the latest changes affect that but you might be able to have your relative to stay.

whichminoguesister · 21/12/2020 05:22

Tilting isn't recommended as the baby can slide down to the bottom of the cot.

When ds was newborn dh would take him 7pm-1am and then it was me. He liked a firm swaddle or LTD, dummy and baby massage to help the wind. We also gave him baby probiotics for the wind.

DripDrip · 21/12/2020 05:51

I think it's normal for a month old baby wanting to be held. I held mine for every nap and at night time for 3 months sleep. Yes, it's not recommended but if the only way we all got some sleep was for me to be sleeping with him on me sitting up then that's how we will sleep. After the 3 months we co-slept and a week or two later he was happy to sleep in his next to me crib. But needed a lot of encouragement and sometimes a cuddle before putting down again with a dummy and a white noise machine. He's now 6 months and will fall asleep on his own. Your baby will too but for now you just might need to do whatever it takes to get an hour's sleep here and there.

JontyDoggle37 · 21/12/2020 06:22

We used to put a hot water bottle in DS’s crib until just before we put him in it, so it didn’t feel like a change in temperature, that helped him stay settled.

Anniemabel · 21/12/2020 06:30

You need someone to help you. If you have anyone who can you should call them. I had this with my first and it’s not sustainable.

Normally I’m rigid with covid rules but yours are exceptional circumstances. Also, if you don’t have family and can afford a nanny that is allowed. Since you’re in the house With them you could just pay someone inexperienced (eg sixth former on hols) to come and help.

pinkbalconyrailing · 21/12/2020 06:39

is the crib cold?
that seemed what was the issue with my dc who was (still is as pre-teen!) a horrible sleeper.

I ended up putting a fluffy towel under the sheet and a hot water bottle under a blanket when crib was not in use so that it was cosy when I put dc down.

Mybobowler · 21/12/2020 06:41

I don't want to be rude to your DH, but unless he's a brain surgeon or an airline pilot, he needs to be helping you. Either by taking shifts overnight, or by using annual leave to give you some decent respite in the daytime. No one can cope on such little sleep for any extended period of time, and you shouldn't be expected to. This won't last forever, but in the meantime, this is a joint effort!

MoChridhe · 21/12/2020 06:43

I co slept with all of mine. I knew how to do it safely.

peachypetite · 21/12/2020 06:43

Your husband needs to help. I have a newborn too and I usually go to bed at around 9pm and sleep I disturbed until at least 1.30am. That way I have had some sleep even if my baby has a bad night.

Iggly · 21/12/2020 06:45

My second was like this. I also had a toddler but thankfully he napped so I did too where I could.

In the end it turned out to be tongue tied which took weeks to get taken seriously

Stepintochristmas · 21/12/2020 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

didot · 21/12/2020 06:51
  1. Form a support bubble (you have an under 1, it's allowed whatever tier you're in)
  2. Put older child in childcare
  3. Get DH to take annual leave and/or take baby for the evening shift (eg 7-12)
  4. Give baby dummy
  5. Co-sleep
PinkPlantCase · 21/12/2020 06:54

Agree that your DH needs to step up! Do shifts. 2 tired people has got to be better than 1 alright person and 1 person who has not physically had any sleep at all.

He can work on 5 hours sleep if he has to. You cannot function on 0 hours sleep.

Chocolate4me · 21/12/2020 06:58

You can form a support bubble with an under 1 in England. Otherwise I'd use the buggy for half the night if need be to get a few hrs in. It will get easier, my baby was like this but she's 11 weeks and sleeping through.