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Original poster

I know that newborns mean sleepless nights but I am now getting no sleep at all whatsoever ever, what can I do?

63 replies

Snuzpods · 21/12/2020 05:00

I'm completely used to the sleep disruption as DC1 didn't sleep through until over 2 years and was an every half hr sort of waker as a baby for months but usually slotted in a 2 hour sleep at least once a night

Have a beautiful month old now and sleep wasn't too bad at first, difficult to put down etc as totally expected but managed to get a bit of sleep each night by swaddling, white noise, waiting until deeply asleep on me before transferring to crib etc

It's got progressively worse though and although I can transfer her now, she almost always wakes grunting and groaning within five minutes and screaming a couple of minutes after that. I don't want to sleep holding her as it's too dangerous, cosleeping makes no difference whatsoever so I might as well be trying with the bedside crib which we'd been using before, but it just does not work at all now ever

I have literally not slept all night and did not sleep at all last night, can't try for naps in the day even if I could put her down as have a preschooler at home with me full time in the day

DC1 will be getting up for the day soon so I definitely won't be sleeping until tonight at least and I just don't know how many days of not sleeping is sustainable

DH May be able to help for a couple of hours tonight between work

Family help not possible at the moment

I don't know what to do! Tried tilting crib in case of silent reflux, swaddling, not swaddling, white noise etc

She's colicky in the evenings so need to walk round with her in the sling, nothing else works at that sort of time although occasionally I can put her down in the day. Sometimes she's happy to lie in pram and look about for half an hour or so but I don't think it's that safe for sleeping and also can't with DC1 to look after. I don't think she has a particular medical issue, but I could call health visitor

Help! If I could even pay somebody to watch the DC in the day so I could sleep a little I would but I don't think that would be allowed or possible.

OP posts:
Bikingbear · 21/12/2020 07:04

@Stepintochristmas

Why do you think it’s not safe for her to sleep in the pram? I would have thought it was perfectly safe.

Is there no chance of putting your older child in nursery?

Most pram mattresses aren't designed or rated for overnight sleeping.

I did the hot water bottle thing. Warm the crib up for them. When I took the bottle out the crib I'd put it at my feet. When they woke for a feed put the bottle back in their bed.

TW2013 · 21/12/2020 07:18

We had this, turned out to be cow milk protein intolerance. I had to cut all dairy and soya out of my diet. Fortunately they all grew out of it to varying degrees. Mainly all ok by school age. Cutting out the dairy and soya resulted in calmer dc. Took about 4 days to see the difference. Obviously need to talk to paediatrician/ dietician as it is a substantial change and there could be a different reason.

SometimesSquircles · 21/12/2020 07:22

Hi

I'm so sorry you're so tired. I completely understand having recently been through much the same. My son would sleep on me but the second he hit the cot mattress he'd wake, however gentle I was. He also liked to be held upright in the day and wasn't much of a fan of laying down generally.

Eventually I took him to see a cranial osteopath and it's made a massive difference. He is now so much calmer in himself and transfers well into the cot. He sleeps better and for longer. I'd advise to take your little one sooner rather than later because my son was nearly one by the time I heard of osteopaths which means it's been harder to change his sleep routines as he'd gotten so used to poor sleep habits because he was in discomfort. If I had my time again, I'd take him within the first month or two. I hope this helps. My friend who recommended it said it helped her daughter immediately from the first session because she was so young. My son took longer as he was older. Really thinking of you as I've spent night after night on no sleep and I got to the point that I really thought I was going to go completely mad and was crying constantly (and I never cry) so big hugs from me to you x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families General health
HullBrian · 21/12/2020 07:25

It does sound like silent reflux, my daughter was exactly the same. After her first dies of baby gaviscon she slept for six solid hours.

Give your GP a call today Flowers

PearlescentIridescent · 21/12/2020 07:25

God is your DH really watching you literally not sleep ever and not offering help? That's so sad.

First thing is he needs to give you a break. Then when you've finally had some rest you can tackle the sleep issues! I didn't have the balls to co sleep with a very tiny baby but once ds was somewhere between 3 and 4 months we now co sleep every night and it's lovely. Would definitely recommend.

HullBrian · 21/12/2020 07:26

Dose* oh my god Blush

Anycrispsleft · 21/12/2020 07:28

One of my kids grunted like that and it was reflux. I would sit her up in a boppy cushion type thing for about 20 minutes after each feed, and then she was OK. By about 12 or 13 weeks she was over it.

allthewaterinthetap · 21/12/2020 07:33

Sleeping in the pram is ok. I had a Silver Cross with a carrycot that detached and had it on a stand in the living room.
Your husband must help. What saved me was our idea of 'one night on, one night off' which was exactly as it sounds and I recommend it!

MindyStClaire · 21/12/2020 07:36

Yes, look up the symptoms of silent reflux. I can't remember them now, but I think it included non obvious things like hiccups and coughing.

We tilted the crib but I read there's no evidence it helps, and when we did it again later for a cold she hated it so if I had my time again I wouldn't bother.

What really helped us was medication, so if you think it is silent reflux get on to your GP.

We broke the safe sleep guidelines by letting DD sleep in her bouncer for some of the night.

And yes, your DH needs to help.

Roselilly36 · 21/12/2020 07:48

It’s exhausting I know, I had a twenty one month gap between my two DS’s. DS1 slept well, DS2 was a whole different ball game, he was such an unsettled baby.

How we got through the first 7 mths was like this, I went to bed at 7pm, DH had baby until he came to bed around midnight after he got baby to sleep, then I got up in the night when he woke.

And one night a week MIL stayed and had him all night, so we could both sleep. MIL is a very sensible & practical person with much experience of babies, she said she had never known a baby like DS2!

DS2 is nearly 18 now, I honestly don’t think I could go through those days again, before I had him I did think I may have had a third, no way!

It does get easier OP, do whatever you need to do to get through it, it is hard because you don’t get to spend an evening with your partner, but sleep is the priority for the next few months. Flowers

inthethickofit19 · 21/12/2020 07:55

Join the fb group - silent reflux, reflux, cmpa

Lots of good advice on there

You may need to cut out dairy from your diet. Can take 2 weeks to come out of baby system.

Colic calm was also really useful for us.

Keep upright after feeds and wind baby best you can

You are already tilting

If after two weeks there isn't much difference then speak to GP again

Bikingbear · 21/12/2020 08:02

@allthewaterinthetap

Sleeping in the pram is ok. I had a Silver Cross with a carrycot that detached and had it on a stand in the living room. Your husband must help. What saved me was our idea of 'one night on, one night off' which was exactly as it sounds and I recommend it!
It very much depends on the pram few are ok most aren't.

I think it's to do with ventilation under the mattress and the breath ability of the mattress. I had a M&P Carrycot that you could buy an extra mattress rated for overnight sleeping.

BeaufortScale · 21/12/2020 08:15

My silent reflux baby was calmed by side to side rocking - we got the Fisher Price cradle swing off eBay (they’re really pricey new) and she napped in that for the first few months when I couldn’t hold her. If there’s a cheap one locally, do try it - but make sure it’s side to side. The front to back swings just made her throw up.

Leuty · 21/12/2020 08:28

Certainly could be silent reflux, does she gulp when not feeding at all? Will she sleep if you have her upright on your chest? A trip to the GP at least to rule it out.
I had the most awful sleep deprivation with DS, things got better once he was medicated correctly to control his symptoms

FestiveStuffing · 21/12/2020 08:32

Solidarity, OP. I'd say do that you need to. If she'll sleep in the pram, get one with a basinet that if suitable for overnight sleep (e.g. Silver Cross wave) if you can afford it- pick one up second hand and buy a new mattress. Get yourself to the GP with her as a priority. Good luck, it does get better. x

Oreservoir · 21/12/2020 08:36

Why is your dh not helping?
Lots of dh's work on little sleep for a few months. My dh always took dc to settle after I fed them in night.
Definitely try a cranial osteopath.

grey12 · 21/12/2020 08:36

Have you tried cosleeping with the baby's head on your arm? It works for mine ;)

Madcats · 21/12/2020 08:46

I am not sure whether they still do, but my GP used to refer all premature/difficult birth babies to a session with a cranial osteopath. Thankfully DD was fine but he did seem to fix a lot of parents' problems.

What does your HV suggest.

MrsTravers · 21/12/2020 08:47

I know you don't want to, but I would seriously try a dummy. I was in a similar position with DC1 13 years ago when I cracked around 4am and remembered there was one in the steriliser. It was a life changer. Prior to that, she had been feeding constantly and was always sick around 15 mins after I put her down and the cycle would start again. She was basically using me as a dummy and although she was never a great sleeper (and still isn't Confused), it became bearable.

Best of luck to you - it is utterly miserable.

Coffeeandcocopops · 21/12/2020 08:57

Old fashioned I know but can your H put the baby in the car and go for a drive with both children? Use to work for my two. Your H needs to take 50% responsibility.

Try a dummy.

You need more sleep so need to change how you are doing things.

Can someone take the baby out for a long walk and the other child watches TV and you sleep on the sofa for 10 mins.

Mylittlepony374 · 21/12/2020 09:03

A swing chair? I had a mamas and papas one that saved.my.life (no exaggeration) with my first non sleeper.

I feel for you. I remember googling how long it would take for me to die of sleep deprivation.

Littlewhitedove2 · 21/12/2020 09:15

I’ve had babies like this.
Things to try,
Breastfeed on your side with the baby next to you. Make sure there are no duvets for waist up (be in a dressing gown)
can you get hold of a co sleeper with the side of the cosleeper the same level as your bed. This set up saved my life with newborn twins.
Bf on side, baby fell asleep next to me from the boob. I dozed on my side all night baby could relatch any time, just kept swapping boob, all from my side.
Swinging chair was amazing for naps.
Same routine from 3 weeks on. Upstairs in the dark after a bath and feed in the evening. I went up to feed and settle baby, every 5 - 10 mins at first.
Took a week or 2 but eventually I got a couple of hours in the evening baby free before the night shift started.
With one of my babies, none of this worked and they weren’t breast fed so couldn’t feed on side.
Had to do controlled crying at 6 weeks because was on my knees with horrific sleep deprivation.
Let baby cry for 10 mins before going up. Repeated this every 10 mins until baby slept. Took 3 nights and there was an absolutely huge improvement and we all could get a few hours plus sleep per night.
It’s horrible at the time and you feel so desperate. Is there anyone you could bubble with at all to give you some respite in the day?

2pointfourmonkeys · 21/12/2020 09:46

My youngest hated being tilted or swaddled, but loved to sleep on her side. I rolled a blanket into a long sausage and put it behind her so she felt cuddled (like in the sleepy head) but with nothing in front.

Porcupineinwaiting · 21/12/2020 10:11

Your dh needs to help. Not just later in the week but now.

PoptartPoptart · 21/12/2020 10:12

Have you tried swaddling?
I had a ‘Miracle Blanket’ when DS was little and he slept like a dream when wrapped up in it. This one...
www.miracleblanket.co.uk/