What’s your “ How did this crap get published?!” book?

[MrsGrindah]

Just finished The Pretenders by Agatha Zaza. Gosh it was dreadful.Cannot understand how drivel like that gets a publishing deal. There was a scene where, in the middle of a “ dramatic” moment, one of the side characters crosses the room to his wife and “ took hold of the corner of her blouse” . What?! Who does that?! I can’t even picture it.

The slap - dire
Eleanor oliohant is ok - double dire
Tiny bit marvellous - dullmcdull

@AlexCabot

I'd blocked this from my memory but I was on holiday once and ran out of things to read so I picked up a book at the Airbnb.

It was by Martina Cole. No idea of the title but holy shit it was bad. Not only terribly written (about four unrelated characters had the same surname and there were plot holes you could get a tractor through) but just very unpleasant generally. Apparently she's written loads. How? Who is buying them?

Martina Cole used to be good. Her first 8 books or so were pageturners. But now she just churns out books that are the same. About a gangster with a heart who has a brother or other family member who is a "face" in the criminal world but who is also a wrongun. And nothing happens aside from the odd murder. And lots of pages mention either "a bellyful of arms and legs" or split arses which I detest.

My hated ones are I heart New York by Lindsay Kelk and Where the Crawdads sing which was really popular but shite

Agree about Labyrinth. Also one by Dawn French that was so bad I gave up on it.

Elinor Oliphant is completely fine.

Utter shite.

@Fluffyandsilly

The Alchemist. Ugh.

I didn’t hate it but the end was shite.

@HollowTalk Behind Closed Doors was utter shite. My book club mostly loved it but I can only assume they have no knowledge of abusive or controlling relationships.

The Handmaid's Tale. Found it so tedious!

The Lovely Bones
Just awful. It’s bad enough that it was published as a book, but then it got made into a film (which I haven’t watched)

I liked Elinor Oliphant!

Wait. Am I the person who buys the crap books

Yes... Eleanor Oliphant started off ok... but then it started getting ridiculous. She read the Telegraph every day, but didn’t know about make up, clothes, current events. I don’t get out much in the real world, but if you read the paper -especially every day - you know a lot .

My suggestion is The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton. Soooo many anachronisms. People weren’t cool with homosexuality in the 17th century and certainly women didn’t go around the town having adventures. In fact this is my problem with nearly all historical fiction - there was a reason for the women’s movement ! Yet apparently back in time women were all living the life and quite equal.

@CthulhuChristmas

Most recently, The Last Hours by Minette Walters. It's set at the time of the Black Death. The main character was educated in a convent, married to a nobleman aged 14, and has 21st century medical knowledge and social attitudes. I honestly thought there was going to be a twist revealing she was a time traveller, but no. And without spoilers, the characterisation and narrative treatment of her daughter was utterly appalling.

Oh God, I'm with you on this one. Usually, I like Minette Walters but this was so dreary. I tried, I really did, so much so that I even tortured myself with the sequel. I took great satisfaction in deleting them from my Kindle, and I never delete books.

Most celebrity writers are a huge let down.
Fern Britten , Judy Flanagan, Dawn French, Ruth Jones , Only published because it's a ' name' I'm sure of it.
Tried a few of these authors books. Never again (although I don't mind them , or them doing their other jobs!)

I cannot get on with anything by Joanne Harris.

@tenbob

The Lovely Bones Just awful. It’s bad enough that it was published as a book, but then it got made into a film (which I haven’t watched)

I couldn't stand the book, but I found the film just about tolerable.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I liked Elinor Oliphant!

Wait. Am I the person who buys the crap books

I loved Eleanor Oliphant too!

The one where she goes to bed for a year
My mate loved it-I got 3 pages in and gave it back

50 shades-I wasted 3 hours of my life reading that drivel-just to prove a point with my friends

Anything by insta-parents-I went though a phase and they are all the same crap with different covers

Anything by Cathy glass/Casey Watson
I used to love both but it’s turned into ‘my kids are angels,I’m an angel for fostering-I should get a medal for my services and the kids/parents should be hung up to dry’
And they are both very twee

I didn’t like The Silent Patient either - pages and pages of dross and then 3 pages of ‘excitement’ at the end. Waste of my life reading that.
Also Elinor Oliphant. Crap.
Streetcat Bob or something that was the only book in a holiday house we went to and I had forgotten to bring my books. Just no.
Atonement. Gave up after 3 chapters. What the actual fuck was that even about?
And a children’s book I always hated reading to my dc, we’re going on a bear hunt. It doesn’t scan properly, sounds so clunky and just all round horrible to read. I eventually threw it in the bin when dc3 was old enough to choose his own books to spare me from waiting to rip my own mouth off when I read it.

I read Normal People after seeing the BBC adaptation and it was useful in that it answered some of the questions I had. But the two protagonists were the most annoying people and seemed to lurch from one unbelievable misunderstanding to the other. For two supposedly highly intelligent people their communication was appalling.

They are adapting Conversations with Friends also by Sally Rooney. I got about 12 pages into that and gave up.

Fade shades of grey I couldn’t get beyond first chapter.

Anything by Dickens. Keep trying but he so obviously despises women. Urgh.

Also 50 shades.

Anything by an 'influencer'.

Part Time Working Mummy and the BrummyMummyof2 - both absolute piles of shit.

There must be thousands of really good, unpublished authors out there who aren't getting a look in. But get yourself 50k followers on insta and you can spew out any old shit.

The one where she goes to bed for a year

Do you mean the Sue Townsend one? I found that disappointing too - I usually enjoy Sue Townsend. I couldn't get past the idea that the woman was lucky to be able to go to bed for a year - most of us, you know, have to go to work and stuff. No sympathy from me. And v. unconvincing that some handsome chap should rock up to her bedside and fancy her.

50 shades like others have said. The writing is just so, so bad. Not just the style, which is painful already, (OH MY!) but it just does not make any sense. A college student who just discovers what computers and emails are, to start with?

I daren't look any further at any of Mrs Hinch's books, I think I saw a picture of her dog you could colour in or a dot to dot or something.

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. A self indulgent, unrelenting misery fest.
I only got it because it was recommended on Mumsnet!